Starting to feel anxious again - what is my purpose really? Do I mattr?

I'm feeling ramped up and anxious. I don't know why really. Im sitting in starbucks with my friend. I'vebeen out to the library earlier and have those dvds to look fowar too but jut the talk her about th purpose of life gee I have none except my kids and maybe my photography. I get depressed thinking of how I haven't made much of my life and there is no retirement and I can't keep a job longer than a few months before I get mysteriously fired. I see pdoc tomorrow . I think zyprexa is helping day to day, but overall I still feel blah. Do I even matter?

Of course you matter! Life isn't easy. I don't know what the purpose of your life is, only that you will be able to see it clearer when your symptoms are under better control.

I'm sorry that you feel so anxious. Try taking deep breaths. Listen to music to distract you; this usually helps me. Try to figure out why you're anxious. Tell yourself that you will get through whatever is causing you so much anxiety. Picture yourself getting through the situation safely. Driving makes me really anxious, so when I'm driving, I try to picture myself arriving at my destination in one piece. It helps.

Yes you matter!!!! Mother of 3 is a huge purpose! Your photography is really good! But it is hard being an artist and getting recognition for your talent.

Can you catch yourself in this thinking and try the mindfulness? You notice you're thinking this way, and you know I usually say "feel your feelings so you can process them". But I don't think you can afford to go this route in the negative thinking right now. I just care about you! You've been through so much with the meds and hospital visit. Please take it easy on yourself right now. Maybe find something around you interesting that you'd want to photograph? You matter very much!!

Once I thought I knew what the thread the binds my life together was... turned out to be a manic delusion but it felt good at the time. lol

Blue, Thank you. I love your message ! I guess I am still day-to-day now. I have flashes of feeling good and okay, but the negative depressed side of this is still there. And the irritability is too. I see my pdoc and I'm holding onto that- tomorrow afternoon.

The other day, I was thinking about how my life has and is going nowhere except in circles and I got very sad about it. Its been the same circle. That is, except my kids and my photography. I need to do more photography. Haven't gone out in a while.

Yes!! Brilliant idea!!

my friend was taking me out for dinner but now he's stick in some Internet board. Lol

You matter to yourself. You matter to those who love you. You matter and have the potential to matter to those around you. You are unique!

Of course you matter You have plenty of people who care about you, hell I dont really know you but I care about you. Your inspiring. Some people are here to make a splash and do something good for another person and youve definatly made a splash.

You matter very much to the 3 children you created. That said ...I feel its pretty common to question our life this way, I know I do.

I think you certainly should get out and use that photograph gift you have. Keep some handy.. when you feel anxious pull one out and it may help remind you that .. you matter, you have worth, you have a wonderful gift

Yeah, you give life to them. You can raise them up beautifully. I mean, not that you are not doing that, but that you are the unique one who can give meaning to their existence in parenthood. It goes a long way for their future.

I had dinner with my friend. Times like these I start seeing things in slow motion. Fragments of life. Small pieces next to each other. Moment by moment and yes second by second I can't only make it. Sometimes not even knowing what I am experiencing as each feeling is a jumble or flat and unrecognizable as such.

It's just the madness. Anxiety is trying to distort practical reality. I am learning to get used to it. Is your friend enjoying time with you?

Yes he had a good time. He usually does. We had dinner out.

He has good time with you, regardless of your madness, I presume he knows. That's great. It is a good feeling.

Talk to your pdoc tomorrow and see if they think you are maybe over analyzing things? I can walk myself right into a corner if I do that. Anyways. just a thought

Oh yes he's taken me to psych ER many times.

So far she hasn't said I'm over analyzing.

I am feeling happy for you. I have got a friend. That is good, very good.

Maybe it's just part if this anxiety

Maybe , anxiety can do so many different things.

It is almost always. This I know of myself. I may be wrong.

My friend has my Ativan. However I have the set of "all creatures" I was missing before.

Nice. Enjoy and play. Hmm.. can be fun. Tears are ok when there is also fun. Fun will come when there are tears.