[cocoabeans]

A few years ago we had an issue with our apartment being so filthy that we had a warning to clean up or expect eviction. Back then I chalked it up to my being severely depressed, nearly suicidal and drinking too much. Well fast forward to more recent times and while it's still a constant struggle to keep the place presentable we were doing really good for a long time...I was medicated then though.

Well, the last few months I just let things slide and it became so overwhelming that I gave up. We rent and something happened so the building manager had to come in with no notice. He warned us to clean up before we end up with a notice again. I was so ashamed and embarassed I cleaned for 4 hours! It's still a mess but, nothing like it was or worth giving a notice too.

I cried to myself and asked what is wrong with me that I live like that? Some I'm sure is due to my personality and preferences but I'm thinking, maybe I'm not doing as well as I thought I was. Is it a coincidence that while medicated I managed to keep my home at least sanitary? My job isn't particularily stressful not does it require more than the standard 40 hour work week but it seems I spend all my energy functioning at work, fitter, happier, more productive and by the time I'm done I don't want to socialize or even manage basic self care. I appear neat, clean and taken care of when I put on my work front but, outside of that I think I may really have a bipolar problem.

Just because I'm successfully functioning when it comes to employment doesn't mean I'm doing okay when I can barely feed myself or clean up. I had a friend once, a fellow bipolar person herself actually, tell me one of the biggest clues to your mental health state is how you keep your home. I ignored her before but, maybe she is right and I'm in trouble.

Might very well be time for some of those medication things. Yet, I'm still afraid of losing my one area of functioning due to bad doctors or side effects or loss of the crazy 'manic' drive that I don't need to explain how fantastic it is when you've got **** all else.

[hamster-bamster]

Before you spend money on doctor visits, medications, and blood tests, think about spending that same amount of money on a cleaning service. Cleaning services, unlike medications, do not cause side effects and do not require blood test monitoring. Please consider this alternative.

[Darth Bane]

biggest clues to your mental health state is how you keep your home.

she's partially right... but your sleeping pattern and eating habits can be said as biggest clues too...

ignore your building manager, he's just trying to be boss,trying to tell you he's better than you... if it was somebody else with same mess i dont think he would have given notice to that somebody... most probably you are just bit depressed and trying to find reasons to hate/blame yourself..... we bipolar tend to do that....

[Anika.]

Good alternative Hammy, we dont pay out of pocket for dr visits or blood tests tho with national healthcare here, usually just a premium unless it is covered under your work. Medications tho yes which is pretty expensive sometimes. Ifbyou don't have some kind of coverage for that.

[Anika.]

Originally Posted by Darth Bane

she's partially right... but your sleeping pattern and eating habits can be said as biggest clues too...

ignore your building manager, he's just trying to be boss,trying to tell you he's better than you... if it was somebody else with same mess i dont think he would have given notice to that somebody... most probably you are just bit depressed and trying to find reasons to hate/blame yourself..... we bipolar tend to do that....

I'm a little confused on how this is a case of discrimination unless I am missing something. The building manager manages the place..kinda is boss and usually in rental agreements there is something about keeping the place clean and in decent condition. I don't think they give notice for small messes or being a bit untidy. If you ignore the warning you can end up homeless ?

[hamster-bamster]

I forgot that Cocoa lives in Canada.

[Anika.]

A cleaning service is a good idea Hammy!!! I would love to be able to also, I could really use the extra tine I spend cleaning doing something else.

[Voltin]

Originally Posted by Darth Bane

she's partially right... but your sleeping pattern and eating habits can be said as biggest clues too...

ignore your building manager, he's just trying to be boss,trying to tell you he's better than you... if it was somebody else with same mess i dont think he would have given notice to that somebody... most probably you are just bit depressed and trying to find reasons to hate/blame yourself..... we bipolar tend to do that....

Thanks for ' your sleeping pattern and eating habits can be said as the biggest clues too '

That is something that's changed with me lately which may be my sign .

[cocoabeans]

It isn't discrimination. It really got that bad! Hmm a cleaning service is something I thought about! It's more expensive than health care even medication but, I could afford it.

An eviction notice would not leave me homeless and now I've cleaned up so I won't even get the warning. I've got resources and access to enough funds that I could easily find a new place. That's the thing about being able to work. Other **** can happen but I have resources.

I mean, I could always go totally insane and move back in with my parents but that would redefine my definition of "totally insane" because those people drive me mad!

I don't know what to say here other than my initial thought was OMFG you totally just described me (other than getting notices because I own). I would so get notices though, then I clean up, and think, ugh I disgust myself. I promise time and time again I'll keep up, never let it pile up again, but somehow it always does. *Sigh*

[purpledaisy]

I must apologize, CocoaBeans. When I read that you cleaned for 4 hours, I laughed.

If I spent 4 hours cleaning at my house, it wouldn't make a visible difference. It's that bad.

I was going to say something like, "My house isn't really that bad. I don't have dried pet crap in the carpet."

But I do.

My dog managed to climb through a small spot between the wall and the TV stand, which is angled in a corner, and he has crapped back there. The TV stand is too heavy for me to move, so it's dried up and gross back there.

I don't vacuum my carpets.

The last time I had someone vacuum was back in June. It is now February. I paid a friend to help me clean. She used one of those Shop Vac machines because it's what I had in my garage (borrowed from someone).

The last few times I've tried to use a vacuum, all of the dog hair and filth has clogged the rotar thing on the machine and then the engines have overheated and they quit working. I've made a trip to Walmart or Target five times in a row to buy a vacuum, brought it home, run it on the floor, clogged it up and burned out the engine, and then I gave up until I tried again.

Four hours, huh?

I went to a friend's really nice house at Christmas for the first time and told her, "Your house is so beautiful. It's so BIG!"

She said, "Oh, I know. It's huge. It's takes me four hours to clean it."

I thought, "Do people really time themselves when they clean? Did she really clean the entire house in four hours?"

What does that mean?

I suppose normal people start out with a house that's somewhat clean and their normal cleaning routine is easier. Like just wiping things down, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping.

My house is beyond that. I don't wipe things down, dust, vacuum, or sweep.

Well, I sweep when I change the cat litter box because it makes a mess on the floor. But that's it.

If I have any hope of ever doing the "normal" type cleaning that would take just a few hours, I would have to spend some major time decluttering, throwing away, shredding papers, and finally get down to the surfaces of countertops and vanities.

Meanwhile, I'm sorry your landlord was grumpy.

Hiring someone to help is a great idea, if you have the money.

[cocoabeans]

He wasn't grumpy. It was me! My head is messy. Four hours is a long time when the place is about as big as an average living room. At any rate, it's fine now.

[Victoria'smom]

We always need someone else to come in and direct because it gets so overwhelming. After we try our best but we need a kick in the butt about every two weeks. Our T's judge how well we're doing by how trashed we say our house is.

[BlackPup]

I started getting someone to clean when I was working (my hubby works too) but since I quit my job I still get someone into clean every 2 weeks. It's worth it for me cos then I know the floors and bathroom have been cleaned every 2 weeks and we both tidy up our junk before the cleaner comes.

Try not to be too hard on yourself....

[Permanent Pajamas]

I agree with the idea of hiring a cleaning service. Get your place back up to snuff with the help of someone who doesn't mind cleaning.

You might try this cleaning strategy: one room a day until it's done or one room every other day. This works for me when I work up the energy. (Takes about four cups of espresso!)