[Cherry73]

Got news I was praying would be better. My mind is moving at the speed of light so its hard to gets this out in a cohesive manner. I suppose I should start with I have been off of my mood stablizer since December when I had surgery. Couldn't take it due to complications from surgery and thought it would be a good time to see how I do without it and I have been doing remarkably well. My life had been pretty much just existing for many years devoid of any hope of things getting better and basiclly my only reason for living was my children who I adore. After a long hospital stay I met a neurosurgeon who told me what I needed to do to have surgery and possibly get my life back. I have been on a mission since that day. I was told I needed to lose weight in order to have the surgery so at that time I weighed 336 pounds and I currently weigh 258 pounds and still losing. He told me I needed to be 250 pounds to have the discetomy with fusion on my lumbar spine. I told my parents my back could be fixed and what the doctor told me and that once recovered I could go back to work and finally get off disability and have a life again. Being that I am a single mother of two small children my parents offered to help us. So I packed up my family and moved us 800 miles back to my family and into my parents house. I moved in under the pretense I would have my physical issues corrected, recover, and get a job. So now that I am here I found doctors and just had a recent MRI and I received the results today. I knew of course that I had spinal issues that required surgery but there appears to be more wrong now than what previously showed. I was told today I have issues with my entire lumbar spine that need correcting. Somehow in the past year I managed to fracture my L5 without even knowing it. I have been upgraded to a Grade 3 from a Grade 2 in the past year. I now need a multilevel discetomy with fusion among other things and that most likely it will take multiple surgeries to fix and that I need to consider the possibility that I may never be able to work again. The doctor today told me this is an urgent matter and that I need to contact the neurosurgeon on Monday and even gave me a copy of the MRI and radiologists report. So now everything that I have been looking forward to and working towards may never happen. I am extremely overwhelmed and have no idea what to do with all this anxiety and disappointment. For the first time in many many years I have had something to look forward to. I thought finally I will be able to take care of my children myself and not have to rely on others or the government for help. I wanted to be a role model for my kids and be someone they could be proud of. I am so tired of struggling and doing without. I wanted to finally be able to take my kids on a vacation or just not have to say no to everything they ask to do because I don't have the money. I wanted to possibly be able to own a home or hell to just not have to share one with others. To maybe open a savings account and actually be able to put money in it. I didn't bust my butt in college to make deans list every semester and graduate to live on disability. I just can't believe this, this was not an option. I actually had hope and hope was something I had not had in many years and why if it was just going to be taken away again. I am not old enough to live the rest of my life this way. I have way too much life left to live like this for the rest of it. On top of all these back issues I also have to have bilateral knee replacements. I suppose now would be an excellent time to go back on my mood medicine because it only been hours and I am really not handling this very well. Yes I know things could be worse much worse and I am blessed with two wonderful healthy children and for that I am eternally grateful. It's just I was working so hard to give my kids a better life and me to for that matter and now my plan will never come to fruition. I just really wanted to help people and give back what has so freely been given to me. I just really wanted to show my kids a mama that isn't always in too much pain to do things. I wanted to show them a happy mama an active mama and a working mama.

I'm really sorry you are having such a rough time. I wish I knew something that would be really helpful to you. It looks to me that you are doing everything you can to better yourself for your children.

I hope things go better for you soon

[Squaw]

I can really relate to your problems concerning pain and back problems, etc..I also would like to live a life without pain and be able to do what I want to do, when I want to do it..I have a problem relating to docs that don't want to "hear" what is wrong with me..I too have many films and xrays proving my disabilities. One thing I will leave you with is this..all the doctors in the world cannot say what will definitely be the outcome of anything, concerning your health. Only God knows how your life is gonna be. Docs mean well but they don't know everything and I'm thankful for the knowledge they do have..but they can only tell you what they think is gonna happen, as an end result, due to their statistics..I always have to have a second opinion..just a thought.....Good luck with everything......♥

[Darth Bane]

don't lose hope yet... medical field is progressing very fast... in this century it will advance further... with stem cells research and gene theory.... just be ready to face those multiple surgeries.....