[Moose72]

I live with my mom and her husband and my kids. We got into an argument tonight because her husband ga e me his **** you triggering look that sent me to inpatient last time. I had a long talk with my mom about my alcoholic dad and growing up. I had wandered down the slushy puddly road in the dark after my eldest son because he walked out after the fight. I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm surprised I don't need psych ER.

[roads]

You've had an emotionally-stressful night. Do you have anything you can take for anxiety, to help calm you? Do you know yoga or have breathing exercises you can use to ground yourself and clear your mind of all the negativity?
I'm so sorry, (((((Moose ))))). I wish you could get some nourishing, healing sleep now.
roadie

[Moose72]

I took Ativan and am watching tv. I wish I had a friend to call.

[Moose72]

I wish I could leave here. The slushy road was better.

[Moose72]

My mother tried to tell me that there was nothing good to my childhood. That my dad was all crap., can you imagine- a dad who doesn't know how to love? And all this time I thought he gave what he could. That was enough.

[Moose72]

I feel like I lost a friend yesterday. And today this. Why not more Ativan to rock me to sleep? Into that slushy snow again.

[Moose72]

I wonder if I can take benedryl with Ativan. What horrible thoughts dredged up tonight. An alcoholic dad. And repressed memories. No no. Must forget.

[Victoria'smom]

[roads]

I don't think Benadryl would be a good mix. Are you sleepy? Could you go to sleep now?

[Moose72]

No I am kind of keyed-up. I could take more Ativan then.

[Moose72]

Now I'm crying at the tv.

[Moose72]

I just had a thought: if I were dead the bill collectors could be damned.

[Moose72]

A handful of Ativan is callig to me. Sleeeeep

[roads]

Three should be enough for sleep. Drink a full glass of water.
Sleep will be good, Moose.
Roadie

[Moose72]

I just want more. Like 8 or 9. A dopey sleep.

[roads]

But you already took some, (((((Moose))))). Just 3, okay?
roadie

[Moose72]

It's already closing in to 1. What do I do with all these bad thoughts? Sadness, Sui, children's singing, my children, lost friends, crappy days....

[Moose72]

Taking #3

[roads]

Important to drink full glass of water so they'll get into your system fast.

[Moose72]

I'm feeling rather Sui tonight. It's different than before. I just don't want to exist. The happy things will have to go on without me. What I used to be will have to live on as well. I feel at pes e with being gone for good.

[BlueInanna]

Don't take anymore, u need them to last til next refill. The thoughts and memories need to get processed sometime but hopefully to ignt you just rest. May e ur mom didn't mean it like it came across. Hang in there tomorrow is a new day.

[Moose72]

I feel like I've messed up my kids now too.

[BlueInanna]

I know that feeling. They need to know you love them and that everyone's going to be ok. Try to send them to school in the morning with smiles, and then get back in bed to catch up on sleep.

[Moose72]

I sent them to bed with hugs and kisses.

[Moose72]

I am feeling sleepier. I still have that voice telling me that Sui is a good idea. Damn it. I'm hungry again. Idiot Zyprexa!