[Nessa213]

The last time I saw anything other than a GP was over 10 years ago when I met with my first (and last) psychologist. At the time he had sent me away with the names of three different psychiatrists that I should call. Seeing it as a criticism I, of course, ignored it. It was just a stupid evaluation for the stupid psychology class I was taking at the time. What did they know?

Now what's he going to say? What's he going to do? How long is it going to take? I'm kind of freaking out a little. I hate doctors, I really do. With a burning, fiery passion of a thousand flaming suns.

It feels like I'm admitting defeat. I should be better than this, I should be able to control this... and I can't. Other people can rise above it, why them and not me? I could bite my tongue, control my actions, calm the hell down... but I can't. Why not? I should be able to. The walk into the doctor's office is going to feel like a grand walk of shame. And part of me knows that it shouldn't. I try to tell myself that this is the right thing to do... but is it?

It feels like when you go to the dentist or to confession or something and you haven't gone in a while and they give you that, "It's been HOW long???" And give you that disapproving look.

I need a drink.

(Funny side note: I went to Google just now and the Google Doodle of the day has text that says "Don't Panic" on it. I found that to be an ironic coincidence. Maybe the internet is trying to tell me something.)

[Clinte89]

I know it's hard especially during your first visit. But hang in there and get through it they are not there to hurt you. Just remember that.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by Nessa213

The last time I saw anything other than a GP was over 10 years ago when I met with my first (and last) psychologist. At the time he had sent me away with the names of three different psychiatrists that I should call. Seeing it as a criticism I, of course, ignored it. It was just a stupid evaluation for the stupid psychology class I was taking at the time. What did they know?

Now what's he going to say? What's he going to do? How long is it going to take? I'm kind of freaking out a little. I hate doctors, I really do. With a burning, fiery passion of a thousand flaming suns.

It feels like I'm admitting defeat. I should be better than this, I should be able to control this... and I can't. Other people can rise above it, why them and not me? I could bite my tongue, control my actions, calm the hell down... but I can't. Why not? I should be able to. The walk into the doctor's office is going to feel like a grand walk of shame. And part of me knows that it shouldn't. I try to tell myself that this is the right thing to do... but is it?

It feels like when you go to the dentist or to confession or something and you haven't gone in a while and they give you that, "It's been HOW long???" And give you that disapproving look.

I need a drink.

(Funny side note: I went to Google just now and the Google Doodle of the day has text that says "Don't Panic" on it. I found that to be an ironic coincidence. Maybe the internet is trying to tell me something.)

You seem to be judging yourself so harshly! There's no shame in reaching out for help and I think most people need help and support, whatever form that might take.

I wouldn't worry about the psychiatrist judging you (that you haven't been in a while), they're there to help you with what's going on now and I suspect they'll be focusing on that.

I know that first appointment can be scary, but you'll get through it. You'll likely be asked a lot of questions, and that can be unnerving to say the least, but he/she will of course need to get to know you to be able to best help you.

Best of luck and be good to yourself!

ultramar

It will be way better than meeting with the GP. I did the GP for years- loved him and he did his best, but he is not a psychiatrist. I also met with a psychologist frequently for quite awhile. I was on an anti-D and had been on different ones over the years. Wellbutrin made me crazy manic. I merely thought I was crawling out of my skin and that staying up all night doing random crap was normal. Then, during a particularly hard time in my life, my psychologist told me that I really, really, really needed to meet with a psych. He suspected at the time that I had BP, but didn't say as much. He referred me to a colleague that he trusted.

At that time, I was horribly depressed, wanted to choke people, brain would NOT shut off, and it was going a thousand miles a minute. everyone talked too slowly, I was crawling out of my skin, and then randomly felt like flying off the interstate into the river... I didn't do it, but I was losing my mind and I was scaring me. There were a few times I felt homicidal. It was then that I met my angel - my psych, and life got better gradually. Then those episodes that I had over the years I learned were mixed states... arg. That first appointment was 90 minutes. The next two appointments were meeting with family members to make sure history was accurate.

So here are some good luck vibes coming your way. I hope you click with the new pdoc and I really hope they become someone that you can develop a good rapport with and that you can trust.
Don't be afraid. Realize they have heard it all and by being forthcoming, you will be getting the best care you can. And know that it takes time. Deep breaths!

[Cocosurviving]

Best wishes on your appt tomorrow. I have a pdoc and we have a good relationship. I hope the same for you.

[cocoabeans]

I've been to the first appointment a few times and the psych evaluation in the ER. It's the same thing. Takes at least an hour maybe more. They never expect you to come in on your own like a dentist would. Common sense to take care of yourself isn't part of the crazy territory. The judgemental looks come when they ask of you think about suicide and say something stupid like, "oh not that much... Maybe 15 or 20 times a day" or when you're asked to elaborate on periods of strange thoughts and anxieties. Like they've never heard of anyone saying such crazy things before! Yes, they're testing to see if you know how foolish it is to converse with the universe or believe you have some special power but, it's terribly embarrassing.

Then you sit there awkwardly thinking maybe they'll ask you a question now. What else do you want me to say? And they will ask something silly like do you hear voices? Or do you realize you're fidgeting so much? Are you doing that on purpose? And about your social life, how often you sleep and wash yourself.

With me it always concludes with, well yes, I uh, think you have bipolar but, you know that already since you've seen other doctors before. Here's some treatment options and a bunch of medication is listed. Some side effects are discussed and a prescription is written.

Of course, the drugs only work for awhile or work too well so I rinse and repeat with a new doctor a few years later.

[BipolaRNurse]

I was terrified when I first walked into my pdoc's office a little over a year ago. I didn't want to be there.......didn't want anyone to see me go in......didn't want to talk about the fear that I might be bipolar. But I did it anyway, and he had me at "Hello, how are you? And what can I do for you?"

Sometimes, you've just gotta hold your nose and jump in; if the Fates are kind, you'll have someone in your life who listens to you, doesn't judge you, and is 110% on your side. Even if s/he tells you things you wish you didn't have to hear, and forces you to think and grow even when it makes you uncomfortable.

[shery53]

love the P doc I have now but have been through quite a few. Good luck you will be fine