[purpledaisy]

My pdoc's scheduling person just called today (Friday) to remind me about an appointment Monday.

This would have been the first appointment since I lost my job in November. I had an appointment scheduled 1 month ago, but when they called to confirm I realized I hadn't written it down so I hadn't budgeted for it.

Today I told the caller, "I no longer have insurance. I can't afford to come in. I'm going to have to cancel."

She said, "OK. Do you want to reschedule?"

I said, "No. I don't see my situation changing for a while."

She said, "You could always do payments."

I didn't know payments were possible.

A 15-minute with my pdoc is $95.

I am now to the point where I have $100 of savings left, a few more weeks of unemployment, and that's it. My minimum bills just to get by each week are higher than what is coming in from unemployment.

I'm waiting to get a small settlement from a car wreck a few months ago (which wasn't my fault).

But I'm apprehensive to spend $95 that I currently do not have, even knowing the settlement money will make its way to me within the next few weeks.

After we hung up, I wondered if I should've done the payments and just made it work.

I don't know what I would say to the pdoc at this point, having not been there since November, only refilling my Wellbutrin once, and now taking 1 pill every few days rather than twice a day.

I've mostly been depressed.

I haven't had even a tiny bit of hypomania, which I crave because I need to be knocked into creativity to get back to writing.

I've had a few episodes of rage (like the cat peeing everywhere, which is sitll going on, by the way).

I just don't know which direction to go.

Meanwhile, it has been almost two weeks since I've seen or talked to my son (who moved out on his own for the first time the beginning of Feb.), which makes me very sad. And it has been 6 days since I have spoken to anyone in person or had a hug (which was a lame hug from an acquaintance and did not involve any skin or emotion), and it has been a LONG TIME since I've touched another human being.

Is it weird that I go for so long without touching another human being? If I ever do find someone and start a relationship, I'm going to be like a skittish wild animal, unable to touch or be touched because it's been so long and feels so foreign.

[faerie_moon_x]

Daisy

It's okay you canceled because those bills can start piling up. But maybe now that you're unemployed, nearly out of money, and no insurance and struggling, you can start looking into other ways to get assistance. It's not shameful to get help from low-income clinics or try for medicade when you really need it. That's what they are there for!

I know it's hard for you that your son is moved out. It's a huge change. You're going through the whole empty next thing but for you it really is empty! I haven't gotten to that stage yet, so I don't have any advice really. But as a daughter (and only child) who is terrible about calling her dad on the phone, just know it's mostly just me. I'm not a phone person, I really don't like talking on the phone. But my guess is that this is a phase. He's just learning to stand on his own and be his own man. I bet eventually he will turn it around and call you more and stop by more.

I feel for you about the cat thing. I have a similar issue with one of my dogs (you can pm me to vent about it if you want, I totally understand!)

The touch and hug thing, I get that, too! When I was a teen, my dad worked nights. He was already at work when I was home from school. We weren't a huggy family. In fact, I can't even think of a single time I hugged my dad as a teen. It just wasn't our thing. Then, I had no boyfriends, no close friends and was alone pretty much all the time. Even in a group, I wasn't a huggy person so if I was at church youth group or whatever, I wasn't one of those girls running around hugging everyone (they seemed so fake to me.) At one point I was thinking my skin was acidic and if people touch me, I would burn them. I didn't really get over my hugging issues until I had my oldest son, who then had kinesthetic issues as a baby and needed to be held all the time. Human contact, even with my ex, just felt alien to me.

I'm not fully passed it, either. My husband I'm good with, and my kids. Other people it just makes me feel strange. Even my dad still (although we are more huggy now than before.)

[purpledaisy]

Thanks for the response, Dark.

It makes me nervous to see the number of people who have read my post continue to climb without any responses, so I was glad to see yours. Especially filled with good info.

When I had been on unemployment for a month (because they look at your previous month's income), I applied for food stamps and Medicaid. I was refused for both because my unemployment is considered too much income.

Can you believe that?

And I have REALLY low bills. For example, my house payment is about $250 less than what people in this same neighborhood are paying as rent for pretty much the same house.

I don't know how people are surviving if they bring in less than me and qualify for food stamps. They must not have any rent to pay at all. Like they are staying with relatives or homeless or something.

[hamster-bamster]

PD, my foster cat Maddy was like that in the beginning. Skittish. I could not touch her. Less than a year later she comes to my bed to cuddle on her own initiative.

[purpledaisy]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

PD, my foster cat Maddy was like that in the beginning. Skittish. I could not touch her. Less than a year later she comes to my bed to cuddle on her own initiative.

My cat (the one that is peeing on everything lately) is skittish, even after we've had her for about 6 years.

She hates to be touched.

The few times I have company or a workman here, she runs and hides.

She'll let me pet her maybe once a week and it's very brief. Then she'll bite at me to tell me to stop.

I've had pets all my life. I've never had one that was hateful like this. She has never liked being touched. Won't let me hold her. If I start to pet her and she's in a mood (which is most of the time), she pulls away and runs.

But the peeing didn't start until the neighborhood cat adopted us after his owner died. He is in and out all day, and in the cold weather he used to sleep with my son. This started about 2 years ago after his owner died so he didn't have a warm house to return to at night. Now that my son is gone, he is sleeping with me. He likes to snuggle. He likes to be held. So the other cat is mad, I guess.

[Victoria'smom]

Just because you don't qualify for major gov. assistance that doesn't mean you don't qualify for sliding fee services, food banks, gas assistance or heap/air. Most of these are through your local 'community action' center not DSS.

[~Christina]

Hey hun

I am a bit scattered today so I hope any of the following makes so sort of sense.

Alot of times people just don't know how to respond or have no similar situation and don't know what to say or do. So try not to worry if your post isn't responded to quick... I have felt that way before..

Ahh your son .. Shame on him for growing up and figuring out how to pay bills and be responsible! Really its what happens at his age. He will circle back around and remember to call you and come by. Kids are selfish and too wrapped up in there own life, especially when they first move out.

You cat , ah the peeing all over critter , you know my thoughts about this

Now on to the issues about finding health care for you and medications. I think this part is one of the most important things you need access to. Especially since your unemployment appears to be running out , Now is the time to start getting some ducks in a row .. I mean , maybe they can't help you right now but you can get the paper work and start filling it out now so it can be turned in at the soonest date.

You certainly should qualify for food stamps once your unemployment stops. I had to apply before its actually pretty simple..

Just keep hanging on , things will improve

[Anneinside]

You gotten some good information. It is true, people who get assistance get very little, even less than you it seems. But they manage, with Section 8 for housing expense, food stamps, medicaid with drugs costing $2 & $4 each, food banks, no car or related expenses. It's no wonder they can't afford to work. They would have to earn so much money to make up for what they would lose. I have several friends on SSI which means they get about $700 a month but their expenses are really low because of all the programs they are on.