[feelingthis]

Hi there, I'm new to this site... new to really talking about my issues involving bipolar disorder at all. I am a 23 year old female, living in Canada and a hairstylist by trade. I wanted to share my experiences, or atleast my most recent episodes, and see if anyone experiences anything similar. Well, I'm sure some of you have. Positive, really.. it's just kind of comforting to hear about it. OK. So my most recent manic episode was triggered by a break up (as was the one before that). Of course the day it happened I was a little shook, cried a little, not much.. felt confused and worried about what would happen with our belongings, rent, our cats... the next day, felt unstoppable. I had it all planned out. I would take my belongings to my sister's place, leave basically all of my furniture with him. I would find homes for our kittens. I would save money for a month or two while not paying rent at my sisters, and then move across the country to a bigger city I had family in. So that night, I decided to go drinking with my best friend. Put on my brighest pink corset and lipstick, tightest little black skirt and stockings and decided to go dancing at this new club. I contacted one of my ex's new friends and invited him to join us. (which he did.) The next day, I packed up all of my belongings and had some friends help me drive it all to my sisters, just as planned. I took one of the kittens with me. I still felt on top of the world, felt completely unaffected by the breakup or anything else for that matter. After only a day or two I realized that living with my sister would be extremely inconvenient, and finding homes for the cats was not going to be easy. I had one of my clients help me pack everything up, and move it back into my apartment (luckily the ex did not take the furniture.) That's when the crazy spending and partying started. I bought a BUNCH of things to redecorate... New shower curtain, soap and toothbrush holders (simply for the purpose of revamping.. i already had these things) new bedsheets, new pictures for the walls.. I bought hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of clothes, not to mention BOOZE. I began dranking pretty much every night for a couple of weeks. Then on top of that, began doing cocaine and other drugs like M. I went to work without sleep a couple of times, hung over the rest of the time.. but oddly energetic. I was doing haircuts that normally took me an hour in 20 minutes. I slept with my exes friend, as well as someone I had dated in the past who I had sworn to never talk to again. I took my clothes off while drunk, at parties at my OWN apartment and danced around and made videos of it. My mood switched back and forth between happy and unstoppable to irritable... it just so happens the other day at work, I was irritable and my manager wanted to have a routine talk, the same one she had with the rest of the staff.. basically a mini evaluation. I lost my ****, and quit my job on the spot.

anyway here i am now. let me know your thoughts.

[Travelinglady]

I definitely agree you were having a manic episode. Are you taking medications for your bipolar? You do need to get back on an even keel. As you can see, mania can lead to all kinds of undesirable behavior. Can you return some items, so you won't get into lots of financial trouble?

I suggest to all bipolars that they also see a therapist. I have Bipolar II and I see both kinds of professionals.

[Darth Bane]

i wont say been there done that but its not surprising..... bottom-line is you screwed up bad and now you need to recover from that.... i think many of us here done that.... there are two choices - damage control and successful retreat.... try to get old life back... if its not possible try to build new one.... and meet your pdoc !!!

[BeeKeeper]

Ouch, sorry you had such a rough time. Can't say I've been there, but I have been close. Are you seeing a T/pdoc? If not, please do. Then you can regroup and start to put things back together.

I did once read an article that encouraged people going through breakups to buy new sheets and make a formerly shared home feel more "yours" instead of "ours," so I was with you up to that point.

Take care of yourself!

-Bee

[feelingthis]

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I am not on medication, I am afraid of medication. I am terrified on relying on something like that. I would however like to start SOME kind of therapy, in my mind these forums provide a bit of that. Professional advice would be nice though, I guess. I do need help coping with mania, I always know exactly what could happen and it's like I can't control it... I left out alot, like fits of rage... (breaking stuff and holes in walls and screaming bloody murder.. mostly because I was living with an insensitive P.O.S who enjoyed setting me off, i've convinced myself.) Also, I have already moved across the country 3 times. So that's definitely a thing I like to do. Definitely need to find some inner peace, i think.

[BeeKeeper]

I feel ya on the fear of medication, I've always been really resistant to meds. Especially because I get allllll the side effects imaginable- I burn after ten minutes in the sun, get terrible nausea, can't sleep well, etc. etc. However, I feel so much better and more stable now, that all that other stuff is worth it.
My reaction isn't typical, I have a very low tolerance for everything, but, even though I fear meds and won't take anything that could be habit forming, I highly recommend giving th a shot.
And a therapist is definitely a good place to start.
Take care!

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm not on meds or in treatment of any kind (although I'm supposed to be on lithium.) It takes a lot of hard work to stay stable on my own. I've had a long time to practice.

The main thing is learning when things are starting to brew. I try to stay on top of tracking my moods and triggers. Keeping very knowledgable about myself is key. It's not always easy since I also get into a big lack of insight. Sometimes I think I'm doing a great job and then when it's over, I look back and see a trail of disasters I caused...

Another thing that helps is I do have my husband who will point out when I'm starting to be an issue. He tends to be a blunt person so he's not shy about saying if I'm acting up.

I have lithium but I forget to take it (and then I lost my bottle.) I am not anit-med or for-med. I think it's a personal thing. I know the lithium helps me but I'm terrible at remembering.

As for therapy, it can be a huge help. The right therapist is a blessing. I had a really good psychologist until she retired. I miss her a lot.

[Victoria'smom]

Even if you do not like meds. You can see a therapist they are much more able to give you on the spot advice to deal with mania. Make sure they know meds are not an option for you upfront. Now there are tons of ways to monitor mood and things you can do to lower the spikes.