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#1
Mar 25, 2013, 02:07 PM
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My bipolar 2 was diagnosed 3 months ago. I spent 25 to 37 in a state of manic depression not knowing it, and taking ssri's that made it worse. I slowly ruined a carrier that I built in my 30's behavior coupled with my drinking. Out of love, people would have kept me around, but DUI's took me out. My family and my wifes family were simply fed up with me, and didn't know what was wrong, WE all blamed it on alcoholism. In Rehab they put me on 250 mg of Seroquil for sleep and to augment my topomax all for OCD, nobody knew my underlying disorder was being treated. Now diagnosed and on Lithium things are so stable and I can see so clearly how out of control I was. I wonder why anybody is still friends with me really, those I kept and did not loose. I want to be angry that I was not diagnosed sooner, and that my life could have been saved sooner, that I could have been there for my daughters and wife, but its a hole. I'm 40, I lost my 30's, and I'm trying to come to grips with it. My family wants to stay the course that it was alcoholism that took me out, don't know why, maybe its easy for them and they think AA will make me a "good" person. I'm just sad that so much time was spent in my life crazy really, not calm, and I lost so much.
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 Anonymous46069, BipolaRNurse, BlueInanna, Darth Bane, emgreen, kindachaotic, Moose72, Odee, purpledaisy
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 emgreen
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#2
Mar 25, 2013, 03:19 PM
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I think a lot of us can relate.
I don't have drinking or alcoholism haunting my past, but I have plenty of failed friendships and relationships in my wake.
__________________
- Purple Daisy - Bipolar II * Rapid-Cycling 46. Female. Midwest USA. Just returned to treatment in July 2012 after being out of treatment since 1994. First diagnosed at age 21. Writer stuck in a cubicle by day. |
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#3
Mar 25, 2013, 03:24 PM
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Don't feel too bad. We all make mistakes, bad decisions, whatever, and we are all blind at times.
Live and learn. That's all you can do. |
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#4
Mar 25, 2013, 03:43 PM
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and I spent 16 to 26 in a state of manic depression not knowing it, and for months taking ssri's that made it worse so I can relate...
anyway you got kids so i think you are quite lucky overall... 
__________________
I am lost in my own mind !  Hypo-mania and Depression are alike a Knife of Dreams !  Dx - Bipolar II  I'm not feeling well ... I got pain !!! Effie, We all got pain !!!!! 
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#5
Mar 25, 2013, 07:40 PM
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Your story mirrors mine, except I had a better support system and have been blessed to have maintained my sobriety for over 21 years. Please don't let yourself get bogged down in the "coulda-shoulda-woulda's"; it doesn't make anyone feel any better or solve anything. All you can do, is literally take it "one day at a time".
God bless you.
__________________
DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
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#6
Mar 26, 2013, 01:55 PM
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thank you everybody, it really helps
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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