[bluemountains]

I have seen my pdoc and t over the past two days, and for some reason, I cant verbalize my real needs. My pdoc increased my zoloft-the drug I tried to decrease a couple of weeks ago-because I think she was reading my analysis as anxiety.

My t mentioned hypomania, but she doesn't know me well enough yet to read my moods. Meanwhile, she talks to me on a level that is normal talk therapy, when I am about to jump out of my skin. I need for her to ask the right questions, but I can't figure out how to tell her what these are.

How do I get this straight? I hate taking drugs, but I must, so I would prefer to take the ones that will give me relief. Tonight my combination is wine and klonopin just to get relaxed enough to go to bed. Obviously this is not a good solution, but this is the only way I have settled myself for the past four nights. Tomorrow I will be revved up again. At least I have approximately six hours of sleep ahead that I have prescribed myself.

A side note-my son is getting really resentful about taking the drugs. What do I say? He is getting ready to turn thirteen in a couple of weeks and he is in for a lifetime of this mess.

I hate it for him the most, but I hate it for me, too.

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[comicgeek007]

I'm not sure how helpful this is, but I'd have loved to have a parent that both understood and was there for me. My (refusing to be treated) bipolar mother tried to convince me to kill myself when I was 15. Having a parent that was going through treatment with me would have been awesome, from my perspective.

I hate taking drugs, too. I take seroquel and zoloft every day - and zoloft used to keep me up all the time, I found going for a run helps a little the nights seroquel just won't knock me out. I usually just run and exercise for hours until I can get rid of all my manic energy... which might make me depressed some times, so that's probably not a good idea either, but at least I can sleep.

[Confusedinomicon]

Write out your needs and concerns then hand it to the doc/t at the beginning of session.

Does your son have a t? I think at that age its easier to learn coping mechanisms that will allow you to reduce medicine intake. Its worth a try. You could even do some of his t homework with him. It can help strengthen your bonds and keep you in the loop with his development.

[bluemountains]

My son does have a therapist, and he has begun seeing her more often. He is getting a new pdoc on Friday. I had to switch him because of insurance changes, and maybe it will be a good thing.

As for me, I am still quite shaky when I sit down, but it is a sunny, gorgeous day, so I went out and walked a while. My blood pressure has been pretty high for the past week or so. I used to take meds for this, but after I went off of cymbalta it went back down, 120s/80s. Now, for the past week or so, it is up to 150-160s/90s. I'm not able to figure out what all of this means. I have racing everything; thoughts, hands, heart, etc.

I am going out of town Monday through Wednesday of next week, so I can't get immediate help from my doctors. I wouldn't know which one to call, anyway. I guess when I get back, I'll go to my family doctor, since she can treat all of me, or maybe by some stroke of luck, I will be back to "normal".

I plan on sitting on the mall in Washington and soaking up sun in hopes of relaxing next week, so I hope I get a sunny day. Also, I plan on joining a rally if anyone is marching outside of the Supreme Court building in support of gay marriage.

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[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by comicgeek007

I'm not sure how helpful this is, but I'd have loved to have a parent that both understood and was there for me. My (refusing to be treated) bipolar mother tried to convince me to kill myself when I was 15. Having a parent that was going through treatment with me would have been awesome, from my perspective.

I hate taking drugs, too. I take seroquel and zoloft every day - and zoloft used to keep me up all the time, I found going for a run helps a little the nights seroquel just won't knock me out. I usually just run and exercise for hours until I can get rid of all my manic energy... which might make me depressed some times, so that's probably not a good idea either, but at least I can sleep.

Comicgeek, I am so sorry that you were in a household with such a sick parent. I am glad that you were able to have enough wits about you to seek treatment. I grew up in an abusive house (can't call it home!), so I understand your desire to have an experience that you never will get. Even now, in my comfortable surroundings, I sometimes get so sad about the life I never had. I suppressed these feeling for years, and now I am processing them in therapy.
I am surprised that running sometimes makes you depressed. I have to make myself exercise, but when I do, I get some minor relief for a little while. I hope you have a support system in place. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with.
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[comicgeek007]

It helps that I'm at college literally a thousand miles away from her and she can't tell my T that she's the best freaking person in the world and I'm just her poor, ill wayward child. I kinda freaked out last night when I saw that she had looked me up on linkedin, and then decided to look at her profile. A hundred people endorsed her for qualities that would make her seem like an okay person... ie, things I never saw. Unfortunately she and her husband have taken to emotionally and very recently physically abusing one of my little sisters in my abscence. I almost threw a chair when I heard that. Thankfully CPS has been called to investigate, not that their buracratic bs will find anything. One of the unfortunate side effects of working at my dad's family law practice is I know exactly how full of crap that system is.

but I digress...

My dad's really supportive though he doesn't seem to understand... and he seems to think, since I'm imminently going to be *officially* diagnosed bipolar (there's some stupid law with MD drivers licences where you have to disclose bipolar and they get to take away your licence if they decide to think all bipolar people are inherently crazy, so my T has been biding time) that every little mood problem can and must be solved with copious amounts of as-needed medications.

I think what makes me depressed is my sudden lack of energy and inability to do more exercise more than the running itself. But if I'm completely out of energy it really doesn't matter if I'm depressed because I don't have the energy to do anything dangerous. That's how I see it, at least.

[Victoria'smom]

I would keep a mood chart for your new T until she gets to know you. Tell T what questions you need her to ask. When's the next time you see your Pdoc? could you stay on your current level of Zoloft until next time?

As for your son: Can you look into combining his meds to as few as possible, 1x a day? Then he could take it before bed. I'm so much more amenable to taking meds at night then in the morning. How much say does he get in his treatment? Why does he not want to take them? Can you have your other kids take vitamins at the same time he takes his BP meds so he doesn't feel singled out?

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I would keep a mood chart for your new T until she gets to know you. Tell T what questions you need her to ask. When's the next time you see your Pdoc? could you stay on your current level of Zoloft until next time?

As for your son: Can you look into combining his meds to as few as possible, 1x a day? Then he could take it before bed. I'm so much more amenable to taking meds at night then in the morning. How much say does he get in his treatment? Why does he not want to take them? Can you have your other kids take vitamins at the same time he takes his BP meds so he doesn't feel singled out?

Some good advice, MM! Starting with my son, he has always been on morning and night doses his meds, not sure why, but when we see the pdoc this week, I'll ask her about it. My biggest guess as to why he doesn't always take his meds is that he is almost 13, and he thinks he's fine when he misses doses. I know right away, though. As for having a voice in his treatment, he is usually very open with the doctor. He takes the lead on the discussion. I only intercede when he's not correct or complete.

One of his siblings takes meds for ADD. He's pretty sneaky about it, too, so we have a pillbox for him. I need to find a night and day one for my other son.

A mood chart is a good idea, along with a blood pressure chart. I won't see my t for two weeks because she is on vacation next week.
As for the zoloft, I will give the dosage about a week, and then I will call my pdoc. She is very receptive to talking on the phone with me. I have to pay out-of-pocket, so she helps me to limit my visits.

Thanks, MM!
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