[wildflowerchild25]

I have felt GREAT for the whole week, actually for about two weeks minus one day of crushing depression which was probably due to having to see my mother in law (she told me I am a bad mom because i won't - WON'T - hit my son when he throws tantrums - in fact she said she wanted to hit ME!). i feel awesome, but I'm running out of things to do with my energy and feeling like doing dumb things like washing dishes is a waste of my time i feel like i need to write something fantastic but i can't get started because i can't form a full sentence of fiction.

Last night I drank and I slept for seven hours but now I'm just as awake just with a hangover and I can feel the energy coursing through me and really I'm kind of tired of this. I love feeling great but dammit i just want to be able to sit and be and i can't do that.

Pdoc appointment on thursday. It's been a looooooong two months since I first hurt myself in a depression and my husband demanded I go back to treatment. I hope she can do something to turn this off I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO SIT DOWN.

if this sounds rambling I apologize i just can't think straight i just want to be able to be calm because it's entirely possible that i'm not actually as awesome and magic as i feel. I'm thinking maybe it's not real. i thought maybe writing would get it out because that's what i'm driven to do but damn i'm gonna have to figure something else out this is going to be a loooooong saturday. Not even any work to keep me occupied.

Sorry again don't reply you don't have to. i think I might sound stupid.

[Cocosurviving]

Hi,
Sounds like your dealing with Hypomania or mania (if your bp1). The only solution I learned from this forum. Is stay home and take a sleep aid. If you decide not to sleep maybe you could work on a project you already have. Are you a scrapbooker, knitter, or do you paint? Also may your pdoc can get you in sooner.

Good luck

[wildflowerchild25]

Thanks for your reply. I cannot take sleep aids because I just don't wake up on time and I have a young son so I can't sleep in. Benadryl will sometimes work so maybe I will try that.

I took the last of my husband's klonopin (he gve them to me when they didn't help his sleep disorder). I feel calmer. Unfortunately I don't have my own scrip so I guess it's just a stopgap until the energy returns.

I must wait until Thursday to see the pdoc as this is an initial evaluation and it took me months to even get this appointment. I have been self medicating until I cn get there. Thankfully it is less than a week. I am glad my husband hasn't tried to commit me :-) this is why I don't tell him what's going on.