[purpledaisy]

SETTING: Kitchen table with 8 women spending the evening playing a board game.

CHARACTERS: A few of the women met in elementary school. Along the way, they have added friends and acquaintances to the group, with one having been in the group for more than 5 years, another who joined the group several months ago, and another who just met the group tonight but also went to school with a few of the women.

CONVERSATION: During the course of the evening, as always, conversations pop up, are discussed, and then end. There are stories of husbands and children, stories from the women's jobs, talk of activities and recipes, etc.

At one point, Callie shares a story about legal problems she has been having and the individual who she is battling in court. Ever since Callie joind the group several months ago, after having been an acquaintance of one of the women, she has talked about this legal situation at every single gathering.

Everyone listens to Callie's update on the legal story AGAIN.

Later, Callie shares in great detail about several medical conditions, including depression, AGAIN.

Everyone listens to Callie's update on the medical conditions AGAIN.

Then someone asks me a question about my life and my mind races for the words to answer their question without going into great detail. I begin to answer.

Callie sighs.

I hear her sigh and look in her direction while I am talking.

Callie rolls her eyes.

Callie mutters under her breath (but loud enough to be heard), "Oh, here we go again."

I kept talking, but I was thinking, "Did she just say what I thought she said? No. Surely not. We all just listened to her stories AGAIN. Why can't she take a few minutes to listen to mine?"

This happened three times during the course of the evening. Callie talks and expects everyone to listen, but when I say something she sighs, rolls eyes, and mutters.

The other women politely listen to the whole thing and remain neutral. No one says anything like, "Callie, let her talk. You had a chance to talk. It's her turn." No one tells me I'm talking too much. I can't tell if the others are feeling uncomfortable about this, or if they even notice Callie's reaction to me.

What the hell?

[Pierro]

Hello Purple, Shes one *****, no one has a story to tell but her. She's very ignorant woman. Don't bother with her, you are better than that.When I hear stories like that im glad im alone Best wishes.

[LiteraryLark]

Some people are takers and not givers. She takes whatever attention she can, but she will not give others her attention. There are many people out there like that. Do not take it personally, try to see it as she's not getting the attention she wants, so she'll say something mean so the attention is back on her.

I would be like the other guests and ignore her. To say something snarky or to even mention it is only giving her the attention she wants and she'll make you look bad on top of it AND the rest of the group will be affected by it and may not want to get together anymore.

I've been in similar situations, she's had her say, now it's your turn to talk about your day, don't feel threatened or discouraged by it. Her mean words have nothing to do with you.

[BlueInanna]

Sound advice from Skipper. It is a shame that friendships have to be so difficult at times, and even with grown women, high school type bs still goes on. I'm glad you went ahead and took your chance to share, and didn't let her stop you.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by purpledaisy

SETTING: Kitchen table with 8 women spending the evening playing a board game.

CHARACTERS: A few of the women met in elementary school. Along the way, they have added friends and acquaintances to the group, with one having been in the group for more than 5 years, another who joined the group several months ago, and another who just met the group tonight but also went to school with a few of the women.

CONVERSATION: During the course of the evening, as always, conversations pop up, are discussed, and then end. There are stories of husbands and children, stories from the women's jobs, talk of activities and recipes, etc.

At one point, Callie shares a story about legal problems she has been having and the individual who she is battling in court. Ever since Callie joind the group several months ago, after having been an acquaintance of one of the women, she has talked about this legal situation at every single gathering.

Everyone listens to Callie's update on the legal story AGAIN.

Later, Callie shares in great detail about several medical conditions, including depression, AGAIN.

Everyone listens to Callie's update on the medical conditions AGAIN.

Then someone asks me a question about my life and my mind races for the words to answer their question without going into great detail. I begin to answer.

Callie sighs.

I hear her sigh and look in her direction while I am talking.

Callie rolls her eyes.

Callie mutters under her breath (but loud enough to be heard), "Oh, here we go again."

I kept talking, but I was thinking, "Did she just say what I thought she said? No. Surely not. We all just listened to her stories AGAIN. Why can't she take a few minutes to listen to mine?"

This happened three times during the course of the evening. Callie talks and expects everyone to listen, but when I say something she sighs, rolls eyes, and mutters.

The other women politely listen to the whole thing and remain neutral. No one says anything like, "Callie, let her talk. You had a chance to talk. It's her turn." No one tells me I'm talking too much. I can't tell if the others are feeling uncomfortable about this, or if they even notice Callie's reaction to me.

What the hell?

It sounds like the others aren't going to rescue you from this woman, so I would suggest you confront her directly. i.e.: "Is me talking about x bothering you?" I'm of the mind that starting with questions rather than launching into an accusation -which may create a knee-jerk defensive response- is more effective She sounds passive aggressive and I've found the best way to deal with that is to be direct, bring the elephant in the room out into the open.

Sounds like you're in a difficult predicament If it were me though, I'd be wondering why she's only sighing and rolling her eyes when I talk? If she was just completely self obsessed, she'd do it whenever anyone else talked, not just single you out. If she is just singling you out, then why? Does she think you'll put up with that behaviour and not say anything, while the others would confront her, so she won't pick on them? Or does she sense you don't like her? Maybe you unconsciously sigh and roll your eyes when she talks cos you're fed up with her going on about the same thing?

I would ask one of the friends you feel closest to what they think of the situation. They may have valuable insight into your non verbal communication that may be leading to this, or they may completely agree with you that her behaviour is unprovoked and might agree to stand up for you the next time this happens if you do not feel able to stand up for yourself (I think it was you who'd been unable to stand up for yourself when friends parked all over your lawn, ruining it?)? Otherwise, like ultramar says, confront her about it. You deserve respect when you talk, like anyone else.

All the best,

*Willow*

[purpledaisy]

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone.

I'm mulling it over based on what you all have said and trying to figure out what I might say next.

The funny thing about all this is I am the one who introduced her to this group of people a few months ago.

We were acquaintances, she often said we should hang out together sometime, she didn't have many friends, and so I finally asked her to come along.

I know she suffers from depression. She thinks I have depression, too. I haven't taken the next step to tell her it's actually bipolar because of little things like this rolling-the-eyes business. I don't feel like I can trust someone with my big secret if they act that way.

[Speed3]

1. Just totally ignore her when you are speaking
2. Worry about yourself not her
3. Why do you care what she thinks or does ?

[faerie_moon_x]

Is she auditioning for a Real Housewives show? Because that's the type of person she sounds like.

I agree, don't listen or worry about her. She's a vampire. Taking, taking, taking, but not giving. "me me me, the spotlight is on me!" Whatever. Let her play her game but don't let her get to you. The less energy you give her, the more unsatisfied and unhappy she will get. The ultimate distruction for those people is to be ignored and forgotten.

[Trippin2.0]

One of the following would be my response mid eyeroll:
" you seem extremely bored, you're not obligated to stay you know, I wont be offended if you leave right now..."

"omg are you having a seizure??? oh no! my bad you're just rolling your eyes at me AGAIN aren't you?"

"incase nobody has informed you, conversing is a group activity not an individual one. If you find this concept a hard pill to swallow I suggest a voice recorder where you are free to listen to the sound of your own voice as often as you like, WITHOUT people like me to interrupt you"

But ignoring her works too I guess

[BlueInanna]

The healthiest thing to do, if you can stay calm and non passive agressive is to just ask her, privately. It doesn't have to be mean or confrontational, just that you noticed her sighing and rolling eyes while you were talking and if it meant she's tired of hearing about your problems. - Or if she feels like you've ever given a belittling response to her problems like that. Open a discussion. Then you'd have a better idea if she's a potential friend or toxic.

There is a possibility that you misinterpreted, or that she is so caught up in her own hell that she doesn't see how she's sighing during your turn to talk, that you feel invalidated.

What if she's sighing *along* with you because she thinks you share the same dx, and it's like, "oh lovely life another of us is hit with depression." Maybe it's triggering for her, who knows unless you talk about it.

When I was younger, I was told at work that I was sighing a lot - I was shocked, I really didn't even realize I was doing it and that it was making me look like a bad attitude problem. But I was doing it and it was annoying the other girls - my cheeks burned - but at least I knew and was able to change that.

You obviously have many options of how to address the situation.