[wildflowerchild25]

Recap: I am a special ed teacher in a school for kids with severe behavioral/emotional issues. As such I have two facilitators (aides) and a social worker in my classroom as well.

I'm in a depression right now that's pretty severe, so I took Friday off since I could not deal with going in five days last week. I wish i could take more time! Today was horrible. My regular male aide was not there (he's great but absent sooooo often it really screws things up for us). My female aide had to go do things for field day at administration's behest. I simply did not have the energy to deal with the challenging behaviors today - as such I lost instructional control first period. I spent the whole class period in interactions. Then, after the class had left, the substitute aide proceeded to tell me all the things I had done wrong during the class. It started to feel like a personal attack!

Later in the day my social worker had to leave to pick up one of the student's meds (unusual but does happen since this particular student cut off ties with his mother over the weekend) so I had to do counseling on my own - this period is my prep period and I desperately needed to finish lesson plans! The students were rapping - freestyling - and one student got inappropriate, so he was asked to step out in order to go over his interaction. He of course became irate and the vice principal got involved. Later, the substitute aide told me that the VP had said that they're not supposed to be rapping during downtime. WHAT?! I specifically asked if this was ok in the beginning of the year when I was reprimanded for letting them listen to music (this is my first year here so i didn't know I wasn't allowed to). All of a sudden that's not ok? I know for a fact that other classes allow it. But because it's me, I'm probably going to hear about it tomorrow.

I know that I've been being targeted from the very beginning. I found out that the teacher who went to the principal on me (what are we, kindergarteners?!) for letting my kids listen to music in the beginning of the year is now playing music at lunch for her students!!! WHAT!!! How is it ok for you but not for me? It's infuriating. I do everything they ask me to do and I still get crap.

This depression is making work soooooo difficult. Normally I would just roll my eyes at this catty nonsense but I really feel like a failure of a teacher after today. I feel like I can't control my students and I can't actually teach anything useful. I feel like everyone hates me there which is probably the truth except my classroom staff. And I still have sooooo much freaking paperwork to do!!!! I feel like I'm drowning

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to get it out. It's a chore to drag myself out of bed and I don't need to feel like everyone's out to get me on top of it.

As a positive I did finish my lesson plans at least, which had paralyzed me for five days. So at least something got accomplished.

[kaliope]

just try and keep in mind that because of your mood, it all seems bigger than it actually is. everything is going to overwhelm you right now. just break it down one step at a time as it comes, if anything comes of it.

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

Some people are really hard to work with regardless who their co-workers are. It sounds like you work with a "snitch." Someone who has to have her nose in everyone's business and run to the boss when she feels like it.

I don't think you're a failure. You have what sounds to be a very high stress job and you should be proud of yourself for what you do. Don't let other people bring you down. You're strong to pull yourself to work in the middle of depression. Don't let their bad attitude take it away. Be proud of yourself!

Good job getting your lesson plan done! I'm proud of you!

[Anneinside]

I was a teacher of EBD and LD for 11 years - K-12. I did fine until my daughter died and I became depressed. Then I became inept off and on. I was suicidal and cutting during that semester. I finally left the job at the end of the year. It had been K-6. Then I moved and took a high school EBD job and lasted about 6 or 9 weeks before I had to go on disability for two years.

As for paraprofessionals, I had one excellent one for about 4 years. I also had a terrible one for a semester. I had her draw a picture of what lunch was every day for the kids that couldn't read ... and that kept her busy and away from the kids. She asked if she should save the pictures and I said no, the meals would always be different. I wanted her coloring!

I also taught high school kids (EBD) in a mental health center for 5 years. I learned how to take kids down, spent a lot of time in a time-out room with a student de-escalating. The two windows were on-way so you never knew who was watching. One of the good things was that we could call the child's therapist down if needed.

Don't worry about the paraprofessional. You are the teacher. You have the education.

[wildflowerchild25]

Thanks as always for the support everyone. I had my superior observe me today and he said I was doing everything perfectly and I should just be more confident in my abilities. So that made me feel better.

I also think the depression is breaking so hopefully things will improve!

[faerie_moon_x]

See, depression drops that fog over us and eveything looks gloomy. You're doing a great job! YOu just can't see it because of the stupid depression.