[~Christina]

lousy!

I have 4 or 12 issues that I just cant wrap my stupid head around

I can give great advice about the standard Bipolar stuff , I have that stuff down pat and most of it I do apply to my life.

There is some things that I do and it needs to stop , really needs to, Sorry being vague I just don't want to throw it all out there.

Most of last week , well I just really don't remember it at all forgot I had a T appt , Something that I have never done before , he called me like 8 times worried about me. I saw him Thursday.. we have been working really hard on a specific problem(s) and he thinks my mind is/was just shutting down and going into survival mode.

So hes on vacation this week but has called me every day since last Thursday to make sure I am hanging in there.

I'm still having issues with memory? I can't remember when I wake up or go to sleep, I don't remember the last time I ate anything could be days , most likely. I have long drawn out conversations or texts that I don't remember.. but I see it on my phone. or my husband says something about a conversation we had

This really blows, a lot. I did have my lithium level tested just in case , its fine.. It just feels like my brain is offline.

I wonder if I will remember I posted this later

[Trippin2.0]

Oh sis (((((((((Christina)))))))))) I'm so sorry you're going through all this, sounds traumatic to say the least. PM me if you're up to it please, I'm quite worried

Originally Posted by ~Christina

lousy!

I have 4 or 12 issues that I just cant wrap my stupid head around

I can give great advice about the standard Bipolar stuff , I have that stuff down pat and most of it I do apply to my life.

There is some things that I do and it needs to stop , really needs to, Sorry being vague I just don't want to throw it all out there.

Most of last week , well I just really don't remember it at all forgot I had a T appt , Something that I have never done before , he called me like 8 times worried about me. I saw him Thursday.. we have been working really hard on a specific problem(s) and he thinks my mind is/was just shutting down and going into survival mode.

So hes on vacation this week but has called me every day since last Thursday to make sure I am hanging in there.

I'm still having issues with memory? I can't remember when I wake up or go to sleep, I don't remember the last time I ate anything could be days , most likely. I have long drawn out conversations or texts that I don't remember.. but I see it on my phone. or my husband says something about a conversation we had

This really blows, a lot. I did have my lithium level tested just in case , its fine.. It just feels like my brain is offline.

I wonder if I will remember I posted this later

Christina I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Are you taking anything else besides lithium? My doc had me start lithium two weeks ago and I decided not to take it, I'm too paranoid because of the side effects I had. memory loss is a scary side effect and I wonder if you are taking another medication. It's awesome that your Doc calls you so often. My Doc calls me however not often enough. What does your Doc mean when your mind is shutting down going into survival mode?
warm thoughts

[~Christina]

I take Lithium and Lamictal. The memory loss .. I do think is because I am pushing so hard in Therapy .

My T thinks that we have pushed really hard weekly about my problems that my brain just can't handle anymore right now so its shutting down in survival mode to buffer everything that has come up.. Apparently I just can't handle it right now.. I dunno

[faerie_moon_x]

Hang in there, sis. My memory is like swiss cheese and I am not medicated. I think sometimes it's the brain fog rolling in too thick or something. Try to rest and be forgiving to yourself.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I take Lithium and Lamictal. The memory loss .. I do think is because I am pushing so hard in Therapy .

My T thinks that we have pushed really hard weekly about my problems that my brain just can't handle anymore right now so its shutting down in survival mode to buffer everything that has come up.. Apparently I just can't handle it right now.. I dunno

That sounds about right...

Do you think it could be a kind of dissociation? I guess what your therapist is saying about it all being too much and shutting down would be a form of that. It sounds like you're unconsciously protecting yourself, but then there's this fallout, side effects in a way, and I can imagine that the forgetting exacerbates how you already feel.

As you're recovering from this, is there any way you can kind of take it easier, pamper yourself a little? That may sound silly, but mostly I mean to try and give yourself a break -you're forgetting things now, but ultimately you're in a protective mode and it's not a bad thing, in many ways, having that mechanism kick in to help you.

Maybe when you next see your therapist you can take it slower and leave the intense stuff to the side for the time being while you recover.

[~Christina]

DH hey Sis we both deserve a big giant break !

Ultra.. Thanks ... My T maybe thinks dissociation. There isn't really a way for him and I to slow things down... One issue has to be dealt with asap. If not, some bad stuff could very well happen

[faerie_moon_x]

Oh, hmmmm... dissociation. I didn't even think of that.

I hate dissociation. It creeps me out.

[bluewave7]

I'm the same way. I have trouble knowing what day, month, even year. I can't remember how to drive to places I have been to at least 3 times. I have been like this since I was a kid. I also can't read clocks! Im just saying, I know what it feels like. I probably disassociate too.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by bluewave7

I'm the same way. I have trouble knowing what day, month, even year. I can't remember how to drive to places I have been to at least 3 times. I have been like this since I was a kid. I also can't read clocks! Im just saying, I know what it feels like. I probably disassociate too.

Just to clarify, dissociation is a state one goes into when overwhelmed by trauma or traumatic memories (which given what Christina is dealing with in therapy, is why I asked her about it). It's not just a matter of memory disturbance, sense of time, etc.

[manicminer]

Sending good thoughts, vibes, and prayers your way.

Hang in there.

"The tough get going
When the going gets rough
Cause they know they gotta cowboy up"

[dubblemonkey]

so its like youre on 'standby' Christina?...

like that little red light is on just to prove you are plugged in but the beautiful machine that you are is not working?

poor thing you sound so overwhelmed way down inside where all of our trickiest components spin and whir.

...and while you are forgetting things I guess Im just gonna have to remind you how memorable everything about you really is. ...

and re-assure you that its going to be ok...

[Cocosurviving]

Prayers and hugs headed your way

[~Christina]

A bottle of wine and 6 hours of sleep has helped a bit.

Yeah and before anyone freaks out the wine was Ok'd by my Pdoc and T.

Thanks everyone ! I just want to plow through these issues and hopefully my brain will return and function a lot better than it is now.

[Trippin2.0]

((((((((((Christina)))))))))) Love you bunches sis

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by dubblemonkey

like that little red light is on just to prove you are plugged in but the beautiful machine that you are is not working?

This is a really good analogy! I think I've been on standby the last couple of days, actually. Thanks for this analogy!

Christina, I hope you feel a little better, sis.