[WrongEverything]

There's no point.

This is the point where I'd say I need medication.

But there's no point. Might work. Might not. Might have another episode, switch meds. Fine, stable. Another episode.

What for?

I'm ready to give up.

I don't want reasons not to. This is bipolar, I don't control it, it controls me. Even when i thought I had control. That wasn't control.

I wanna give up.

[notALICE]

I tend to give up a lot. Not on BP meds, my diagnosis is relatively new, but I'm the same person I was before I had the diagnosis.

I'm trying not to run away from everything, which is my M.O. Relationships, places, jobs, etc, but I'm never going to be better if I don't stand still and fight for things for a change.

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. It's not abnormal, but please don't give up. I'm just a stranger to you, with my own desire to throw in the towel at times, but it won't make things better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you probably don't want to hear reasons not to give up, but part of you must want to try. I think control is often an illusion anyway, but when you are stable, those times must be worth it?

Pep talk from from the anti-cheerleader type, but genuine, none-the-less.

[Cocosurviving]

Meds are a delicant topic, I believe in meds for me.
I'm afraid of being manic/hypo and depression is hell.
I've only had one med that didn't work. I know what you
mean by BP being in control, I feel the same way. I've been
dealing w/ depression since Oct. You have a lot of thinking
to do. I encourage you to join a support group.

Take care

[intergalactictraveler]

Oh how I want to give up but my dad used to say, "When you stop trying, you start dying.", and I truly feel I would be letting him down, whatever dimension he now resides in. But it's so effing hard. Struggling with an illness for which no medication helps, debating whether I'd be better off living by myself than staying married, not knowing from morning until night where my moods will be. Waiting for the next debilitating manic episode or crippling depression. It's EXHAUSTING.

Like vets with PTSD, who fight similar psychic battles, daily, let's take a moment to remember ALL of us that are still standing are survivors! We might not function all that good but when we get knocked down, we get back up. At the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

[kaliope]

my sentiments exactly...however..i have discovered that the quality of life on medication far exceeds the quality of life off of them. i hate meds but life has significantly improved on them, even though they aren't perfect.

[jmv1962]

Hi Wrongeverything,

I don't know how many different medications but I'd urge you not to give up on them. For some people, myself being one of them, it takes quite a while and trying different meds and different dosages of the same meds to get them more or less right.

And they don't always help. I just came off a hypomanic episode that lasted about 3 weeks. In the past this would inevitably have been followed by a trip (sometimes prolonged) to the bottom of the well of depression. But this time, I was ready for it. When I found myself thinking dark thoughts and just staring at my computer instead of doing my work, I consciously took stock of my options for coping. Meds are one of them. Others are stress relieving strategies; sleep (med induced usually); upping my normal med dosage in a way previously ok'd by my therapist; adding an anti anxiety med, which helps, although I don't really understand why.

My point is that meds don't and never will always help. But they will sometimes, maybe even most of the time, so don't give up.

I hope you feel better in a bit. But while you are feeling like crap, try to at least stimulate your brain. Think about strategies that might work for you, even though you might not care right now. hugs

[Trippin2.0]

Try actually living too. It helps.

Stop analyzing every mood every nuance and trying to predict what comes next. I've discovered that being/living like that induces its own kind of psychological stress, and stress + bp 〓 faecal matter.

Yes awareness helps in navigating your mood cycles and also episodes, but paying too much attention, or hyper awareness, just sucks the fun out of life because it is a stressor. Sooner or later you end up living, eating, breathing and farting bipolar. Not healthy. Balance is important, we know this, so we try to live a balanced lifestyle regarding food, alcohol, sleep etc. But we forget to stay mentally balanced, which makes things worse because bp is already the epitome of being unbalanced.

So yeah, for me it has helped immensley to just be, to live my life free of wondering what happens next or waiting for the other shoe to drop. That caused major imbalances in itself so is very counter productive when bp is involved.

[sugahorse1]

I know it seems hard when nothing seems to be working. But for me, meds have helped tremendously.