HELP?!?!??!?

Hi so Im writing this just because I want someone to talk to and explain my life. I might sound like a brat in this a little bit but I'm not. I have a privileged life and I'm not saying that Ive been through a tough life but I really hate my life. So here it goes. As a little kid I was always happy. I was just a little nerd but well liked. In fourth grade I started to be teased, back then I was a ***** and I would cry but ultimately that experience made me a stronger person. In fifth grade I was diagnosed with ADHD which wasnt a big deal whatever took meds find. As I was getting older in about sixth grade I started to have a temper, I would be very irritable. People started calling me gay because I am a girly guy. That really hurt my feelings and I would have outburst. Then I thought **** these people and moved on. Then middle school started and I started having some trouble. This is where I became depressed. So what happened was at the start of seventh grade I was fine. Then I became stupid and was friends with the popular douches. But aside from that, that wasn't the problem yet. I was moodier than usual due to hormones. This was not the greatest time to be moody because my dad was. What happened was a couple of years before that my dad lost his business so overtime he became more and more depressed and as time past we kept fighting more and more. Anyways, as a result of my dad losing his business we had to sell our house. The move at first was no big deal it was just a little awk to adjust. I was adjusted in about a week but I started to notice my grades slipping and feeling a little down. Also I had not ever been a great sleeper but then I didn't sleep AT ALL. Then my grandpa died a month and a half after i moved. Then I was really down. I started crying everyday sometimes because of him not being their but most of the time nothing to do with him. Then about two months later the crying stopped and instead I was super irritable. My best friend who is a girl was dating this idiot guy. She found out I didn't like him and we got into a fight. But then we started fighting everyday and I had rages I mean rages, and not just with her with other stuff too. In P.E we were playing badmitten and I kept losing and I went ****ing phsyco I thorugh my racket every single class left and said **** this out loud and just left. Then another time one of my friends took my cookie and I screamed at the top of my lungs give me my ****ing cookie and was yelling and screaming for about ten minutes and threw stuff at them. Then everyone laughed at me and blah blah and making gay jokes like still to this day. Their were other rages but whatever you get the point. But after every single rage I would cry sometimes feel remorseful and sometimes angry cry and just crying. Then I my best friend and I made up but were weird until summer. Then right as my best friend and I r getting on track Im feeling good again. My sister moved in with her fiancee. Of course I was happy for her but all I could do was cry. She's the most important person in my life(my brother too) but all I could do was cry and I missed her. Now its about July and Im fine happy no more crying and very elated mood I mean i got in stupid little fights with my dad but I had everyday for about 6 months straight at that point whatever. Then summer was really fun blah blah yeah. Then I started school again and I had never ever been more depressed. I was really sad and depressed I had always been an A and B student. But first semester of 8th grade I got the worst grades of life c's and even one d. I didnt do my hw and had very rebellious actions. One day this girl and i made out with this girl and my friend took a pic. I was elated that day but depressed inside so i told my friend lets get drunk i had never gotten drunk before and had such a desire to do it. Anyway i got really drunk and my friend and i drunk texted the picture to the entire grade. My school is filled with prude *** girls so on monday at school. Everyone was talking **** about her and calling her a ***** when she wasn't and she was new to the school not a warm welcome. So i felt like a **** and was weird but then we became really good friends and i start to have feelings for her but I'll get back to that. Now were in about the end of september. My other girlfriend who is not really a friend i just have pitty for her started having the most dysfunctional relationship ever and she pit a lot stress on me until this day. But back to september after that in about november my dad and I fought ALOT and the fights were much more hurtful I ****ing hate him to this day and we still fight. Then next month it's december Im so depressed crying everyday thinking about death a lot and all of that. I realized i really had feelings for the girl i made out with. But after december it was january. My mom took me too a therapist she was terrible. I explained to her my symptoms and she thought it would be reasonable to put me on antidepressants. My mom was skeptical from the start and she was right. But on the meds i had my normal symptoms but intensified and I made the discovery that I might be bipolar. On the meds I would start laughign out loud and dancing and then hyterically crying blah blah. Then the medicine was out of my system and I was still having bad mood swings but not as intensified. I started everyday about the girl I really like and started having dreams about her. Then I was on another antidepressant and the same exact thing happened. I told my therapist that I thought I was bipolar and she said its possible. So she took me off my regular ADHD meds and the depressants and put me on some stupid ADHD med called Stratera. That made me have serious anxiety and cry more. My mom said **** this doctor and i no longer went to her now were in about april last month i did a detox and took no meds for a week. Then I went on my old ADHD meds. It's been a month and this has been the worst. I mean I feel better than I did on antidepressants but now Im really phsyco. So the girl I really liked I asked out in march she said no because she lost my trust. Then about three weeks ago one of my best friends asks her out. I was devastated and still am i have nightmares about it atleast once a week and cry everyday now. Then five seconds later ill get over it and be laughing my *** off and doing stupid **** with my friends. I really think something is wrong with me how do I know if I'm bipolar? Im getting a new therapist next week but I don't know if it will help. I really hate being here. I hate being 14 so much I just want to grow up and be 18 and not have to deal with my immature friends, my asshole dad, and being a ****ing teenager.

I'm sorry you have so many things happening in your life.

Welcome to Pc, This is a great place for support

Glad you found us

It sounds like you have a lot of trouble with anger/rage. Do you have a therapist? It sounds like you're still waiting to get on the right combination of meds to help you, but maybe meanwhile a therapist could help you deal with the rage and depression. I'm sorry you are and have been on such a roller coaster. I hope you can get the right help soon.