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#1
May 09, 2013, 08:34 PM
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I can't stand my brain. Why must it always go from one extreme to the other. I just hate it. I want peace and quite, but I don't think that will ever happen. Why do I always remember the failures, and the bad times, but never the good times? Why do I have to be this way? Why is what I ask myself.
Why must my life be a life of pain and hurt? Some times I feel like I'm going to explode. No one understands me, hell I don't understand myself. I guess that's why I'm here. There is so much I want to say, but I don't know how to get it out, or the right words to say. I'm lost on the sea of my thoughts. |
 Anonymous45023, Arethusa, BipolaRNurse, Darth Bane, notALICE, pink&grey, redbandit, Sistah, UCMATH
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 Sistah
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#2
May 09, 2013, 11:20 PM
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Welcome,
You will find many people here that have felt the same way. This is a great place to find support and learns way to enrich your life. Glad you are here 
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#3
May 09, 2013, 11:38 PM
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"There is so much I want to say, but I don't know how to get it out, or the right words to say." I completely get that. I get all that you are saying. Honestly, I think that most people have these feelings. Some of just feel them more intensely or for longer periods of time. You are OK. We are here. Big hugs.
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#4
May 09, 2013, 11:43 PM
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Hello welcome
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#5
May 10, 2013, 12:36 AM
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Quote:
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#6
May 10, 2013, 05:16 AM
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At least I think I'm in the right spot. I know I have lots to learn.
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#7
May 10, 2013, 08:35 AM
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Welcome, jeffro. I am right there with you, at times. Actually I hate all of the steps I have to take to find comfort with my brain. I am pretty thankful for the good parts. This site is great for support!
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#8
May 10, 2013, 08:39 AM
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Hello and welcome, Jeffro. I know what you are going through. Right now I am in hypomania, and I really wish I had mood stabilization back.
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#9
May 10, 2013, 11:01 AM
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What's up Jeff? I know the feeling of hating your brain. I've lost my since of words and can't talk like I use to. I ask myself, "why did my brain have to go and be psychotic and make me lose my sense of conversational self?" The only thing that helps me is knowing I have to make due with what I do have no matter how hard that realization is. There are times it can be defeating, but we have to be stronger than our illnesses.
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| BipolaRNurse
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#10
May 10, 2013, 11:30 AM
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My doc took me off all my anti-depressants, but put on Lithium. Yes I was manic sometimes, but at least the anti-depressants kept the depression at bay. I can handle the mania much better than I can handle the depression. It is truly terrifying.
I'm glad I found this site. |
| comicgeek007
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#11
May 10, 2013, 11:32 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Bipolar 2 (in remission), anorexia (in remission), and trichotillomania, also have conversion disorder that seems to be rearing its ugly head again. 100mg Lamictal |
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#12
May 10, 2013, 01:55 PM
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Quote:
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
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#13
May 10, 2013, 08:57 PM
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Welcome!
You'll see here that you're not alone 
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#14
May 11, 2013, 01:28 AM
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Welcome to PC!! You'll find a lot of support and very little (if any) judgmentalism here. This is a great place to vent and bounce things off other BPers; there are a lot of mentors who've carried this diagnosis for years, even decades, and what they DON'T know about bipolar could fit in a thimble. You're in good hands!
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DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
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#15
May 11, 2013, 01:36 AM
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I understand how hard it is. I have the same problem. My pdoc said that anti-depressants can often make depression WORSE in bipolar ppl. I dont understand that one, esp as I am still on one, and am normally depressed.
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In a season of suffering, we may question God's intentions. But sometimes His plans for deliverance are greater than our desire for relief -anonymous 
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#16
May 11, 2013, 02:37 AM
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My pdoc know about this site, and knows the creator, and thinks it's great that I'm here. I know that I have a lot to learn, and I'm willing. I'm glad that so many have responded. Some times, I do feel behind help/hope. But I will keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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#17
May 11, 2013, 04:56 AM
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Welcome! I'm glad that you've join the site. I feel that same way. I called my T today to share with her how bad I've been feeling since I last met with her last week. I always begin by saying, "I don't expect you to do anything." I know that I have to take responsibility for myself. She said she was proud of me for calling her. I hate my brain and I wish that I were "normal". I live from day to day and do the best I can. Good luck to you and God bless you.
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#18
May 11, 2013, 07:09 AM
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Welcome Jeffro. PC (or at least I think it was PC) emailed out an article "Ten Signs Your Brain is Not Your Friend". Anyone read that? Tried searching for it, to link the URL, but I need more coffee or working brain cells.
I could relate. To what you wrote, to the article and just about everyone on here. You're in the right place
__________________
notALICE MIDWAY upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost. Bipolar I |
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#19
May 11, 2013, 07:24 AM
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Found the article: (some brain cells are firing). I could totally relate to most all of this:
10 Signs your Mind is NOT your Friend | NLP Discoveries
__________________
notALICE MIDWAY upon the journey of our life I found myself within a forest dark, For the straightforward pathway had been lost. Bipolar I |
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#20
May 11, 2013, 08:19 AM
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I hate my brain as well, especially at night when I am trying to go to sleep. I end up praying till I fall asleep most nights, then my brain doesn't wander to bad places. It's easy for me to get to the place where I feel worthless...I have been in denial for at least 10 years that there is anything wrong with me.
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| Anonymous33060, BipolaRNurse
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#21
May 11, 2013, 01:54 PM
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I was the same way for yrs. I hated the depressions (still do) but when I was 36 one of my manias ended up in a psychosis and I ended up in the hospital. It took me awhile to come out of. It was so terrifying to lose touch with reality like that. So just telling you what could happen. I think we need antidepressants though. As long as we're on a mood stabalizer. I had a doc that wouldn't give me any. I finally found one now that will. I hate the depressions... |
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#22
May 11, 2013, 08:26 PM
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my brain is always thinking carrying conservations on, repeating conservations on and on, never shutting up, I started saying no no no over and over and now my brain is pretty quite, anytime it starts up, i distract it that way, and it starts going onto something else. I am so happy, but there r problems to, u r little spacy, dont remember things, feelings r numb, but im not going crazy so i like it that way. good luck I take my meds religious to, and see a therapist they both help out a lot tooo
__________________
NO matter where my illness takes me, I have 6 children to fight for.
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#23
May 11, 2013, 09:27 PM
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I totally get the feeling of constantly discounting the positives and dwelling on the negative experiences. I wish I could just forget the things I don't want to think about. It's strange how the more you want to forget something the more you end up dwelling on it.
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#24
May 11, 2013, 10:16 PM
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Quote:
__________________
#SpoonieStrong Spoons are a visual representation used as a unit of measure to quantify how much energy individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses have throughout a given day. 1). Depression 2). PTSD 3). Anxiety 4). Hashimoto 5). Fibromyalgia 6). Asthma 7). Atopic dermatitis 8). Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria 9). Hereditary Angioedema (HAE-normal C-1) 10). Gluten sensitivity 11). EpiPen carrier 12). Food allergies, medication allergies and food intolerances. . 13). Alopecia Areata |
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