[Kristiemarie]

So yesterday it really hit home that I've actually got the dx of bipolar II. When the lamictal gave me a rash, I thought to myself, well, if it's not really bp, the doc will most likely put me on an ad instead of another mood stabilizer. Of course, he put me on another mood stabilizer. And I don't know, but it seems to me now that maybe this really is real. He prescribed carbamazepine (which is tegretol, equetro) and this is not generally used for unipolar depression. So, I guess....I should accept this.

I had the opportunity to tell some family about this the other day but I couldn't. They associate bipolar with the wife of my brother in law. She might be bipolar but I doubt it. She's a *****. And she is more like a sociopath than anything. Honestly. So if I were to tell them I was bipolar, I don't know how they'd take it. I think this will be my secret. At least for now.

I am going to see a therapist this week. It's been far too long and I think I need someone to talk to about all this.

[faerie_moon_x]

I think it's normal to doubt it. Sometimes I would think to myself, "How could I be bipolar? I don't race around spending all of our money. I don't become like my mother-in-law cleaning machine during mania, or sleep all day in depression."

Well, being on the forum has taught me that bipolar is like a snowflake. We all may be snowflakes, but we're all a little bit different.

I haven't told my family and it's been four years now. I just don't really see the need to tell people who won't care anyway.

[manymiles]

I too think this will be my secret. The thought that I wouldn't be able to 'untell' it makes me think it'll be something I'll never share. Not out of shame for who I am but for the make believe person they'd see me as now (that person with bipolar that did X or Y or they read about). I think it is great when folks have people in their lives who understand and accept them but that is not the case with my family.

I like the analogy of snowflakes.

[BipolaRNurse]

I don't know about snowflakes.......I think I'm just a flake, LOL.

[ultramar]

One of the reasons I haven't told my cousin (who I'm otherwise close to) is because his brother is bp and he and his wife despise him. He is a bit of an a **, but they associate this with bipolar. I've tried to explain otherwise to them (much of what they don't like about him, I think, doesn't have to do with the bp, or at least not directly) but just not worth it to tell them.

I don't know if I've misunderstood, but it seems that you're basing what you think your pdoc has diagnosed you with on what he's prescribing for you (mood stabilizer instead of AD). Have you talked to him about the diagnosis/do you think he has doubts, or is this you having doubts and/or not accepting the diagnosis?

[BipolaRNurse]

Not accepting a bipolar diagnosis is extremely common, especially when a person is in a situation like the OP where she feels she can't share it with those closest to her. Even if you're in a situation like my own, where family and friends alike are 99% supportive, to say nothing of gracious (and even curious) about my illness, it's STILL hard to accept. It changes your life forever. It changes your self-image too. You can know a thing inside for years, even if you choose not to acknowledge its existence openly; once that word is written on a piece of paper or entered into a medical record with your name on it, it becomes real. And that's hard to handle.

[Confusedinomicon]

I think the biggest thing is relearning self-confidence and confronting triggers. Then learning to live within the limits and having a good support system. (Regardless of what you have)

It's not necessary for you to tell everyone, either. You should tell people based on your own judgement on how they will react to you. I've been fairly open about it but I haven't discussed it w/coworkers. Most of my friends/family know, though. A lot of times it I'll have brought it up and it will just end there. A lot of times it doesn't need to be brought up because it's none of their business.

Dark_Heart wrote this: http://forums.psychcentral.com/3060609-post7.html

Basically, its a way better explanation of my first line. I'm too lazy to write anything too terribly inspiring, but her post does it.

[Cocosurviving]

I went through the doubt phase. To ease my on mind a had two other evals, both concluded the same. I'm a rebel and have ALWAYS spoke my mind. I don't worry abt what others will think or how they will perceive me. If they care abt me they will be by my side. I bet if many people with a mental illness had cancer instead, there would be no worries of telling family. I told my family and close friends. I don't go around wearing a "I have BP" t-shirt". My family and close friends are my support system.

[notALICE]

Everyone in my immediate family seemed to know about it before I did. I thought if you were manic you had to be euphorically happy all the time, so how could I have BP? I learned more about it, after the Diagnosis & it fits. People had been telling me for years (Ex's mostly, and I blew it off). Normal to doubt. Be proactive about learning more & your treatment. Lots of great & supportive people here on PC. I've had so many "me too" moments since joining - things I did that people also felt, experienced or did. You've been a member for awhile, so you maybe have had the same moments?

Good move going to the T I hope it goes well & my best,

[cool09]

bipolar II. When the lamictal gave me a rash, I thought to myself, well, if it's not really bp, the doc will most likely put me on an ad instead of another mood stabilizer. Of course, he put me on another mood stabilizer

So you're saying you don't know why he prescribed those medications and/or he has not told you what he thinks your diagnosis is? If your Dr. changes or adds a medication he should tell you why he's doing it and/or you should ask him what the medication is exactly for.

Mood stabilizers are used for other diagnoses, as well. Anti-psychotics are considered mood stabilizers and they are prescribed for agitation, psychosis, hallucinations, delusions. These symptoms can be present in disorders other than manic-depression.

[Kristiemarie]

No he told me. I got the rash on Friday night and stopped taking it immediately but didn't talk to doc until Monday. I knew he wouldn't put me on an ad. I've been on a lot of them and none have worked so I knew he wouldn't bother trying another one. I've suspected bp for a long time. Hearing it though, confirming, is different than suspecting.

It's just hard to accept. Don't you ever try to find reasons not to believe something?

[Kristiemarie]

Notalice, yeah I see so much of myself in a lot of these threads.