[Debi54]

As I have said, my long-time boyfriend has cancer. Yesterday at the ER, when he went to get some pain medication (he's between doctors right now till the 11th), the PA told him his records said he also had prostate cancer. Neither of us knew this, it had never been mentioned before. The doctor, per law, was only able to prescribe enough medication till today. He got extrememely ugly, started cussing the doctor lady and embarrassed me to death. In one way, I'm used to this, my mother used to do it all the time when I was little, and I've grown accustomed to the same from him. However, once outside, he took it out on me. Every time things don't go right, or he's in pain, I get it taken out on me. I try to be understanding, because I know he hurts, so I overlook it and don't fight back. But yesterday I got accused of taking his pills (I just passed a clean drug screen for my doctor), and would never do that to either him or myself. It's just like old times. Name calling, insults, get out of the house, whole nine yards. I don't care about him, and so on. I am trying to be patient, but if it's going to go back to the way it was before I moved out the last time, I'm not sure I can do it. He insulted my entire family because they don't like him (they have good reason), and even my little grandbaby that was adopted that he knows is a sore spot for me and my son. My son was so upset it took him all night to calm down. To me, my first responsibility is to my son, and I had told him (my bf) when I left him the last time he'd die alone the way he acted. I understand him being in pain and scared and all that, I have a heart condition where I should have been dead years ago, but to abuse people that are trying to help, he makes me feel like crap. Is there a point in this where enough is enough?

[lil_better_everyday]

I normally avoid commenting on peoples personal lives, but I feel strongly here that if you leave with your son you are ABSOLUTELY not in the wrong. I can't imagine what your BF is going through, but this sort of behavior is 100% unacceptable regardless of health condition. And the impression I get is that he acted like this before he was sick. Personally I would have left a long time ago and never looked back. You have to think of your best interest, and your sons best interest. Verbal abuse is just as, if not more, hurtful in the long term than physical abuse.

My point $0.02 is that your boyfriend need some ****ing sense knocked into him. I'm getting angry just thinking about it.

All that being said, I wish the best for you and your son and hope whatever decision you make keeps you mentally and physically safe and happy! Good luck and much internet love!!!

[A Red Panda]

My personal take on this... is that no one deserves to be abused, and what he's doing to you is verbal abuse. No matter WHAT is going on in someone's life, it doesn't give them the right to be abusive.

Sure, sometimes it might happen where someone just explodes from all the stress..... but that would be a one-time occurance. From what you said, it sounds like this is a regular enough ordeal that you've already left him once.

I am proud of you for being SO supportive, but he needs to either get himself in check or you need to check out. Does he know anything about verbal abuse? If you aren't sure... I'd try printing him off something from a website that explains what verbal abuse is. He'll likely get mad, but after a day or two if he doesn't see that it's what he is doing and/or isn't willing to make changes in how he expresses himself.... then why on earth would you stay around?

I hope that he will start changing his behaviour so that you can both be happy, he needs your support and you clearly care very much about him! If only he appreciated your love and support.... does he show you how much he appreciates you at all?

[faerie_moon_x]

My mother had cancer and was diagnosed when I was two years old. She was in extreme pain all the time. She had to go through radiation, chemo, aternative treatments that I don't even know what they were. (I was just a kid after all.) Eventually the cancer took her mind and she was babbling in a word salad type of way which was terrifying.

And through all of that do you think ever once she attacked my dad verbally or emotionally? No. Her and my dad argued a lot and he was in denial about how sick she was. And despite all her fear and pain she didn't ever blame him or take it out on him or me, even when the doctor told her that if she hadn't had a kid maybe she could have fought off the caner (terrible I know, but something a doctor said right in front of me and I was only 11 years old.) Even then she didn't ever take it out of me.

Maybe my mom is an extreme example, but the fact is.... you get what you give. And, if he's going to attack you when you've stood by him, then you shouldn't stay. You shouldn't take abuse just because of pitty. And you're right, your son comes first and you need to get away from that.

You are a good woman with a big heart. Don't let him destroy that.

[Desafinado]

The last relationship I was in was with a woman who was very emotionally sensitive and demanding. She had frequent panic-attacks, periods of depression, and bouts of anger. For a while I felt like her knight in shining armor, there to protect her, but over time I realized that she had some serious growing up to do and really had little to no empathy toward me. I discovered that a relationship like that was one that I didn't want to, or need to be in, I got sick of it, left, and never looked back.

A healthy relationship is one of love and understanding, it sounds like, much like my past relationship, the one you're in doesn't have a lot of love and understanding. Cancer is scary, but illness and death are a part of life, and no excuse to treat someone you supposedly love poorly. Any reasonable person in your situation would likely leave him behind.

[Victoria'smom]

My sister went through this about two years ago. It sounds like this is who he is not the pain or cancer taking. My sister tried to stick it out as long as possible but in the end she had to leave because her self esteem was crushed. In the end his family apologised to her for his behavior.

If it were me I'd leave you have to look out for yourself sometimes because no one else will.

[bunnifoo]

You should not be with someone who makes you feel like crap and is verbally abusive.

You have more than enough justification to leave and end the relationship.

I know someone with a serious chronic pain condition and they don't treat anyone like this ever. Being pain is not an excuse or justification for being abusive.

I would get out of that situation, period. You have a son who is being harmed by
the abuse (just exposure to it is for anyone), and you have a heart problem, a HUGE
reason to get out and never look back.

He has the opportunity to take medications for it if he will. Since he won't he has no
one to blame but himself for his anger and inability to release it in healthy ways--not
at people--never at people, as he does.

Your heart condition may improve away from that environment.

Please take care of yourself and your son. That's enough to keep you busy and
happy.