[bipolarOne79]

I feel so helpless, everything is starting to get to me. I almost had a breakdown last night. I don't know what to do, I see my psych on Wednesday so maybe she can help me. I just want to not feel so alone in this. Thanks for listening to my rant.
John

[intergalactictraveler]

You're not alone. Even if we only stay connected by the Internet, we have your back. However bad you're feeling, you'll get through it. You've probably been there, before; maybe many times. I have and I've been going through one of those times for the past two weeks. Chill, watch movies all day and all night, eat foods you like, drink a lot of water and maybe a soda if you're a soda person, don't answer the phone if you don't feel like it. Basically, keep the world at arm's length. And post if you need to talk.

[avlady]

Intergal, this is avlady, i am taking your advise too, and am going to do whatever the**** i want to this week. i also feel like Bipolar1, and I feel like i can't handle anything, i mean i just feel like i can't take it anymore. I think it started last week when i found out my sister was flying in from North Carolina, and she had to go home instead on the day of the flight because there was a mechanical issue with the plane. She missed the family party, which did turn out fun, but i didn't get to see her, which was the only reason i went to the party anyway. The thing is i can't handle crowds and kids, I get all nervous around people and it knocks me into next week. I aam sitting here wondering if i should put myself in the pshyc ward, or maybe i'll get over it soon, i guess i'll have to wait and see.

[intergalactictraveler]

Originally Posted by avlady

Intergal, this is avlady, i am taking your advise too, and am going to do whatever the**** i want to this week. i also feel like Bipolar1, and I feel like i can't handle anything, i mean i just feel like i can't take it anymore. I think it started last week when i found out my sister was flying in from North Carolina, and she had to go home instead on the day of the flight because there was a mechanical issue with the plane. She missed the family party, which did turn out fun, but i didn't get to see her, which was the only reason i went to the party anyway. The thing is i can't handle crowds and kids, I get all nervous around people and it knocks me into next week. I aam sitting here wondering if i should put myself in the pshyc ward, or maybe i'll get over it soon, i guess i'll have to wait and see.

Know the feeling, avlady. Over the past few weeks, I was ready, twice, to put myself in, but meds don't work for me and if I can help it, I don't want some dipstick doctor shooting me up with stuff that's going to make v-e-r-y sick. I'm like you, too, with crowds and kids. Just bolt the door, eat what you like(even if the food police don't think it's healthy), read, watch TV, listen to music that puts you in a good mood(or sad, if you need to cry).

There is a time and a place when being in a psych unit might be the most prudent, safest and smartest thing any of us can do but only each of us knows when that moment might be. I've never been in the military but I swear I've got steel b***s. I've ridden out horrible, unbearable manias and in the process, probably killed off millions of brain cells. I'm not bragging about being tough; it's just the way I'm built. My dad instilled the survival instinct in me and his life lessons are the only reason I'm still alive.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by bipolarOne79

I feel so helpless, everything is starting to get to me. I almost had a breakdown last night. I don't know what to do, I see my psych on Wednesday so maybe she can help me. I just want to not feel so alone in this. Thanks for listening to my rant.
John

I can totally empathize with you on this one, John. I've been in a death spiral for the past month and a half myself, spinning further out of control (or so it feels) with each phase of the cycle. It all started with the anxiety attacks at work in early April, and is only letting up on me a little now that I've gone up on the antipsychotic. I've had unrelenting stress for so long that I can't even remember the last time I was fully relaxed for more than a few hours. Now this damnable disorder has cost me a good job and probably my career.

I've also got domestic issues with my elderly sister, who keeps over-medicating and falling (broke her hip Friday night and thinks she should get to come straight home from the hospital because she doesn't want to be "stuck in some nursing home" even to rehab from the fracture). She can't even stand up and get to the bathroom by herself.....wonder if the state would pay me to care for her?? Still, I can't do 24/7 duty even if I was getting paid, the woman has to pee every half hour or so, and let's face it, me + unstable bipolar + no sleep = probable hospitalization. And I don't even have health insurance anymore, so I'd be stuck with the entire bill. Just what I DON'T need.

This year has been weird. I was depressed all through December per my usual seasonal pattern, but then had a perfect January and February where my mood was completely stable. Then for some stupid reason, I started ramping up in early March and have been more or less hypo/manic since, with the latest incarnation being a condition my pdoc calls dysphoric mania....AKA a mixed episode.

Since I can at least get rid of the energy by channelling it in a useful direction (you should see how clean my house is....and I don't do housework), he said it wasn't an uncontrolled mania, but it was definitely different from anything he's seen in me before. I thought I was just depressed, because even with the excessive energy and agitation, I've been so down on myself and bawling my head off at any or no provocation. But it wasn't, and obviously his decision to increase the AP was the right one because I am doing better.

Like you, John, I HATE feeling helpless and hopeless. I'm another one who grew up with the stiff-upper-lip attitude---Lord forbid I should ever ask anyone for help!---and I've toughed out episodes in my life that were far worse than this, long before I knew what I had. Now I wish I could learn to be a little more patient with myself and get help before I land in the middle of a hot mess.

Originally Posted by bipolarOne79

I feel so helpless, everything is starting to get to me. I almost had a breakdown last night. I don't know what to do, I see my psych on Wednesday so maybe she can help me. I just want to not feel so alone in this. Thanks for listening to my rant.
John

sorry you are feeling this way.

feeling bad myself... really bad- i feel alone too, so alone you wouldn't believe.

have you ever cried so much i hurts?

that's how i feel

[bipolarOne79]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

sorry you are feeling this way.

feeling bad myself... really bad- i feel alone too, so alone you wouldn't believe.

have you ever cried so much i hurts?

that's how i feel

Yes I have, hope you feel better soon. I am doing about the same, feel like im going to have a break down. I forgot that I have a therapy appt tonight so I'm sure I will turn into a mess. I just want to give up on everything this pain hurts so much I can't take it much longer. I appreciate everyone's replies and support thank you.

Sent from my SCH-I605 using Tapatalk 2

[~Christina]

Would you go to your therapy tonight ask your T if there is a hotline or " warm line" that you can call if you get into a bind and just need to talk to someone and get it off your chest.

I have used my "warm line" a few times and it has been a big help.

Good luck , hope your feeling better