[middlepath]

I am so new to this...I am trying to learn, but I am confused about psychosis. What do you experience when you are having psychosis? What are the early signs? how do you stop it? what is the difference between psychosis and being highly sensitive?

I am reading a book by Julie Fast but the descriptions are not specific enough for me to understand, though I am trying. I also read somewhere that having something repeat in your head is an early sign and I don't get that at all because people get songs stuck in their heads all the time. Maybe I am not understanding what I am reading.

[BlueInanna]

I'm totally with you, it confuses me. I read the descriptions sometimes wondering if I'm in psychosis. Out of touch with reality etc. and sometimes I think I am when in a rage. But for me it passes quickly enough. Luckily so far. And then there are things I know in my heart that because of high sensitivity my reality might be more ... Hmmm expanded maybe than for other people.

[Sometimes psychotic]

If you actually have psychosis you probably won't know it someone else will have to point it out to you because impaired cognition is one of the symptoms. Are you hearing voices? Smelling or seeing things that aren't there. Think you're God or invincible, alternately think someone you love is the devil or working with the devil. Feel you are psychic or telepathic.

Anyone out to get you like the government or the men in black. Poison in your food or water?

...from what I understand a lot of bipolar psychosis is grandiose because it typically occurs with mania so think feeling all powerful...I can heal the world with just a touch.

[middlepath]

I think I understand, but then there is grey area that makes me not sure if I DO really get it, ie. along the lines of what Blue said in her post...I am highly sensitive and feel like reality can be more colorful than it is for your average person. I (regardless of mood) feel that some people are more "in tune" with the electrical pathways that tie all living things together. I feel like I sense things about people sometimes like in a sixth sense sort of a way. It is not grandiose but it happens regularly. I also sometimes have premonitions...nothing too off the wall, but an example is...the last time I saw my father, I sensed illness and thought he might die from something relating to his heart. Two days later, I got the call; massive heart attack, my father passed away. There are times I sense/think things that don't come true as well- not often though. I don't hear, taste, or see things. I only WISH I could heal the world with one touch : ). And I'm just trying to figure out the line, is what I experience psychosis or does it just fall under sensitive/sensing? I am trying to figure this out as I come up with my "maintenance plan" for symptoms. the key is to first be able to identify ones symptoms before coming up with a plan to help them, haha.

[middlepath]

Just to clarify- the things I sense about people are (for example) if someone walks too close to me in an odd way, my senses will tell me to move away from that person. Or if somebody is behaving oddly, I will become aware of it and stay away.

[Sometimes psychotic]

So there are special exemptions in psychosis for cultural norms believing in psychic abilities is actually a norm so it doesn't count against you just like believing in god or the devil is ok.

I did believe I was psychic and telepathic though because I was hearing voices and conversations. I also though I was a shaman and could heal just by being present it was cool. I even bought a $300 peacock lamp because i thought it was a shaman staff from the spirit world. What made me different was impairment. I was losing touch with the real world. The very fact that you're questioning your sensitivity suggests that it's not psychosis.

[middlepath]

Gotcha. Now it makes sense to me. Thanks for the great, clear explanation! I guess if one has to go through psychosis, being a Shaman is a pretty awesome gig : ).

[ultramar]

[sorry this is so long].

As someone alluded to, I think if you're aware of 'it' (whatever it is), question it, it's likely not psychosis. I hesitate to say something is *always* the case, but I think mostly it will be something others will notice and you likely will not, because you will fully believe in it.

This is when I was started on Seroquel (before that, just Lamictal and klonopin): The episode began somewhat typically (for me) with pressured speech, feeling like I was brilliant and unstoppable and everyone else was extremely slow, not sleeping, very sensitive to loud noises, etc. Then I started to get paranoid about some people I work with, believing that they were out to get me.

What followed was very specific to my situation at the time and probably not typical; I suppose in some ways it makes sense that the delusions you have will be affected by/have something to do with your environment at the time, but maybe this isn't always the case, I don't know.

So in the middle of this episode, I had been told by my gynecologist that I had an ovarian cyst, but they weren't sure exactly what kind it was (just that it wasn't cancerous). At some point I started to get the feeling that I had this foreign entity growing inside of me, not part of me, but something that had gotten in there, hard to explain. Over time (maybe a week) it quickly degenerated into me believing that an evil monster was inside of me, it was growing and taking over, it was trying to hurt me. As I became more and more agitated, I starting becoming desperate to get 'it' out of me however I could, I fantasized about tearing my insides out, I was terrified of this monster, raging against it, it had to come out.

I'm extremely lucky that I had/have a therapist (I didn't have a pdoc appt scheduled during that time) because I was fully convinced of all of this and it took him to get me help --he contacted my psychiatrist and ipso facto, knocked into oblivion by boatloads of Seroquel. I took some time off from work (no hospital, no way), little by little came back to myself. Both my therapist and I regretted not medicating this earlier, but we talked about it and have since become far more sensitive to/aware of warning signs (he was aware of my disorder, but this was the first time I had had an episode since starting to see him, it had been a couple of years since I had had an episode).

Maybe if there hadn't been the ovary thing I would have fixated on/become deluded about something else, but that was the situation at the time and that's how it happened. I had had paranoia before (and once since) but never such a bizarre delusion. It was absolutely terrifying. Towards the end I literally felt myself separating from myself, like I was being taken over by someone/something else (that has happened once before, and I think was independent of the ovary thing).

Again, probably not a typical example, but I thought I'd share. Maybe the take-home point was that I evidently had a very loose grip on reality and the whole thing started with the typical symptoms and degenerated with time. Uhh, it makes me shudder to think about it -I hope something like that never happens again, but I think with the stronger meds, self-care, and more awareness, it hopefully will not.

[manicminer]

The things I experienced, that were later pointed out to me to be psychosis included:

hearing conversations being held in another part of the house, having telescopic vision (being able to read small numbers on vehicles far off), traffic appearing to be oncoming in my lane when it was really across the interstate, and shadows on the road were deep holes that I needed to swerve around.

Scary and at the time were completely real. I couldn't understand how all these things were happening to me.

[Victoria'smom]

I am usually vaguely aware of enough that I refuse to call pdoc and T.

[Moose72]

I have gotten good at recognizing it. But not at first. At first I think they're real and I do lots of realityn checks.

[middlepath]

Thanks for your help in understanding. I don't know why I cannot "get" things unless I have concrete examples. I use to be fairly bright, but my brain does not operate the same way anymore and you all have helped me!

[tc2012]

Hi,
I must have more problems than my son who is BP. I am the only mother on this site that constantly questioning people for answers. I am just so desperate to try to help my son. He was taking Depikote and quit and began having symptoms you are describing. He quit his job, thought he saw UFO's. He thought he knew what everyone in the room was thinking (it was all bad) He had special powers, like he could look at something with his eyes and thought he could move it. He would get frustrated with me bc I told him I didn't see it moving. All of that happened in December. Since then he has become somewhat more rational but still unable to work due to anxiety. I am very scared. Does anyone know if those symptoms could be caused by stopping Depikote? He tells me he had stopped taking it before that happened. I am not sure. I just know I have been unable to help him much.
He makes everyone mad constantly. I just want to help him but I have had little success.
Thank you!

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by tc2012

Hi,
I must have more problems than my son who is BP. I am the only mother on this site that constantly questioning people for answers. I am just so desperate to try to help my son. He was taking Depikote and quit and began having symptoms you are describing. He quit his job, thought he saw UFO's. He thought he knew what everyone in the room was thinking (it was all bad) He had special powers, like he could look at something with his eyes and thought he could move it. He would get frustrated with me bc I told him I didn't see it moving. All of that happened in December. Since then he has become somewhat more rational but still unable to work due to anxiety. I am very scared. Does anyone know if those symptoms could be caused by stopping Depikote? He tells me he had stopped taking it before that happened. I am not sure. I just know I have been unable to help him much.
He makes everyone mad constantly. I just want to help him but I have had little success.
Thank you!

I'm not sure that stopping depikote can cause it but stopping an antipsychotic can for sure. So it's possible. But either way you need an antipsychotic to treat it. Have you discussed this with a psychiatrist? That's a much better place to start than this forum.

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by middlepath

I am so new to this...I am trying to learn, but I am confused about psychosis. What do you experience when you are having psychosis? What are the early signs? how do you stop it? what is the difference between psychosis and being highly sensitive?

I am reading a book by Julie Fast but the descriptions are not specific enough for me to understand, though I am trying. I also read somewhere that having something repeat in your head is an early sign and I don't get that at all because people get songs stuck in their heads all the time. Maybe I am not understanding what I am reading.

I can tell you from my experience I don't have any signs. There are no signs. Or if there are signs, I haven't figured them out. It's just suddenly happening. I have no idea if it's happening. Everything seems normal to me. I feel like the same logical, intelligant person I always am. Then suddenly, my pocket is talking to me.... like that just happened last week. Fun fun...

So, the only thing I have is knowing what my psychosis is. My paranoid thoughts always run the same course.

Here's an example... I get it into my head people are making fun of me behind my back. This is a very strong urge. I don't just think it, I know it's happening. If I hear them whisper or laugh, I know it's about me. I can't get the thoughts about it out of my head. I start thinking about how terrible they are to make fun of me. I get angry. I go around and around in my head about it. I plan out all the things I will say. I think about spying on them to find out exactly what they are saying. I think up very elaborate plans on how to do this. From teaching myself how to hack into computers to making up fake internet profiles to become their friends without them knowing it's me.... it is usually all very unrealistic.

So, that is when reality checking needs to kick in. It's hard because you have to identify your symptoms before they get out of control. When I find myself thinking: "She's making fun of me," I have to catch myself and go through a logical discussion with myself. "Is there are a reason she would be making fun of me?" "What reason do I have to think she is making fun of me." "List other reasons she might be whispering." You know, it's hard work. And I don't always do well at it, but I'm better than I was even just a few years ago.

[HabitualQuitter]

Something that has really help me is a book called Bipolar Survival Guide and a workbook I got for DBT for Bipolar.

[middlepath]

Dark Heart...I can totally relate to your feelings. I have been that way before, too...but I never had a plan to figure out if the person was talking about me. I just confronted him and he said it was "possible" that he said what I thought he said, but he didn't think that he said it. I guess that left me still confused weather it was in my head or real. I am sorry you have to go through all that. It can be crushing to feel like people don't lke you or are talking about you.

Habitual Quitter, i was debating getting that book, so I will totally get it now based on your req. thanks : )

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by tc2012

Hi,
I must have more problems than my son who is BP. I am the only mother on this site that constantly questioning people for answers. I am just so desperate to try to help my son. He was taking Depikote and quit and began having symptoms you are describing. He quit his job, thought he saw UFO's. He thought he knew what everyone in the room was thinking (it was all bad) He had special powers, like he could look at something with his eyes and thought he could move it. He would get frustrated with me bc I told him I didn't see it moving. All of that happened in December. Since then he has become somewhat more rational but still unable to work due to anxiety. I am very scared. Does anyone know if those symptoms could be caused by stopping Depikote? He tells me he had stopped taking it before that happened. I am not sure. I just know I have been unable to help him much.
He makes everyone mad constantly. I just want to help him but I have had little success.
Thank you!

There are many Moms, Dads, girlfriends,boyfriends here looking for help with a loved one.
You don't mention your sons age.... I'm going to guess and assume he is over 18. You can force him to take meds. It's possible that he had side effects from the depakote. Pretty much every person put on psych meds will stop a few due to unwanted side effects.

Does he has a Therapist? Talk therapy often helps bring issues forward so they can looked at, dealt with. The majority of people that go the medication route often need to try numerous combos until one is found that helps systems and doesn't cause unbearable side effects.

Good Luck

[faerie_moon_x]

Originally Posted by middlepath

Dark Heart...I can totally relate to your feelings. I have been that way before, too...but I never had a plan to figure out if the person was talking about me. I just confronted him and he said it was "possible" that he said what I thought he said, but he didn't think that he said it. I guess that left me still confused weather it was in my head or real. I am sorry you have to go through all that. It can be crushing to feel like people don't lke you or are talking about you.

Habitual Quitter, i was debating getting that book, so I will totally get it now based on your req. thanks : )

The thing with my thoughts is they become an obsession. This obsession can last for months on end, and it's a distructive force, pulling all of my energy into itself. It can be based on something as innocent as two co-workers laughing within earshot of my desk. That one thing can set me off for months. And it escalates from just thinking people are talking about me to feeling like everyone is against me. I will have very clear ideas of what I think is being said, and that people are plotting to take some type of action against me. It's a different action depending on the people. At work it would be plots to get me fired. At home it's plots to get rid of me (like a divorce, or abandon me while I'm at work, just disappear.)

So, reality checking is very, very important.

[middlepath]

How do you reality check yourself? When i get kinda paranoid I try to tell myself it is just in my head, but then I come up with reasons that it isn't...I come up with ways to explain my thoughts basically, even when they are irrational.

[faerie_moon_x]

Reality checking is hard. Very, very hard.

One thing I do is ask myself questions. I tell myself the oposite of things.

"Why would she laugh at you? She's probably laughing about a funny joke she heard." That's a good combination. Then, when my mind comes back at with me with things like "But you just walked by her office" or something, then I have to think "But, that could be coincidance. I have no proof." It's kind of like an argument I have with myself. It's just trying to talk yourself out of it. Since I am not in therapy, that's really all the strategy I have.

Another way to reality check is to bring the subject up to my husband. Sometimes, if he's the focus of the paranoia, this is really hard to do. But, usually he is very good about grounding me. Like, when I think our neighbors are spying on us, I know if he is thinking the same thing that it's not just in my head... (We do actually have one neighbor we can't trust, which really sucks when you are already paranoid as it is.)

[middlepath]

Thanks darkheart! I will try the technique. I hate being paranoid...it's the worst when you really believe it, yet you have just enough awareness to know it is probley your skewed thinking. frustrating, right? I am starting therapy and if I learn anything cool or useful, I will update the post.

[~Christina]

I have hallucinations visual and auditory daily .. If I notice they are increasing I do some self grounding . Working through T I have identified a few things that are fact solid never changing. If I follow those steps it helps me focus and stay safe. If those solid facts are not possible to find.. I Take Haldol for a couple days. Psychotic, yes I have been , you do not have to be out of touch to have psychosis, Both my Pdoc and T have seen me more times that I can count in the middle of a psychotic episode.

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by tc2012

Hi,
I must have more problems than my son who is BP. I am the only mother on this site that constantly questioning people for answers. I am just so desperate to try to help my son. He was taking Depikote and quit and began having symptoms you are describing. He quit his job, thought he saw UFO's. He thought he knew what everyone in the room was thinking (it was all bad) He had special powers, like he could look at something with his eyes and thought he could move it. He would get frustrated with me bc I told him I didn't see it moving. All of that happened in December. Since then he has become somewhat more rational but still unable to work due to anxiety. I am very scared. Does anyone know if those symptoms could be caused by stopping Depikote? He tells me he had stopped taking it before that happened. I am not sure. I just know I have been unable to help him much.
He makes everyone mad constantly. I just want to help him but I have had little success.
Thank you!

You're not alone! Many of my threads here have to do with my son. I know how alone it feels. Usually we're the minority or seemingly the only ones in our communities with bp kids. It's been a nightmare trying to get help through the schools. They really were so judgmental. He's now 17 doing much better, hospital visits started at age 11. No other real life parents to relate to, it's been so hard. With your son, 23 I think you've said? He has to want meds as part of his treatment, or he won't take them. A trusted therapist for him would be golden. It's a heartbreaking thing to watch your child in psychosis.

[Tsunamisurfer]

My experience has been that reality testing is initially a great tool to maintain insight and guide my behaviour despite the somewhat compelling beliefs and experiences of clearly audible voices and clear visions.

But there came a time where no rational arguments I could muster were more convincing to me than the experiences I was having. I moved to a point of having one foot in reality and the other in a different world. As I got worse, the world others called reality became a faded grey and the alternative world became boldly more real to me.

I was so convinced by the experiences pdocs call delusions and hallucinations, that I couldn't trust the pdoc or hospital staff because I knew they were part of the plot to destroy me. Logical evidence couldn't be comprehended because I couldn't think coherently. I couldn't read, write or explain what I was going through. It was just plain pain and terror.

Once the antipsychotics had brought me (mostly) back to a state where I could comprehend what was going on, reality testing became a reachable tool again.