[wotchermuggle]

Being Married to a Person with Depression or Bipolar: 6 Survival Tips | World of Psychology

I found this to be so demeaning.

There are no links to the statistics used in this article.....but 90% failure rate for marriages? WTF?

I've read that before, but I can't say where. However, I've been married twice. And they both failed, but my first is one of my best friends now, and she can see how when we were married, the mood swings affect things. That was before I knew what I had.

[krisakira]

Some of this is crap. No matter how bad my bipolar symptoms have gotten, my S/O has never been a caretaker for me. This article makes me feel like they are stereotyping people with MIs as incompetent people who just burden others. I don't know what kind of situation the author is in, but it is too generalized for my liking. My mental health is my problem, not my S/Os and though it affects him to some degree, I'm not a burden to him that he needs to make sure he doesn't go insane about.

[Confusedinomicon]

The statistic is from nami. (Most likely) 2 years ago they stated it was a 80% divorce rate.

I have a hard time believing in it.

[ultramar]

When I see "# tips for ___" in a title I run for the hills. These tend to be vast generalizations. Mental Health for Dummies... (This is, of course, a generalization in its own right, but what the heck).

[~Christina]

Ridiculous article. Things like this actually gives me a laugh.

[HabitualQuitter]

I linked my husband to this and he replied,"We are definitely in that 10%." All I could do was cry. We've been together almost 13yrs and I just got my Dx a few months ago. Idk why he's stayed with me through some crazy episodes over the years, but we've got 3 amazing kids to show for it and we're still best friends.

I'm best friends with my first ex. She is actually one of four people that I can count on w/o a shadow of a doubt. Habitual, I hope you and your husband can beat the odds.

[BipolaRNurse]

Of course they can, if they work at it. My husband and I have beaten those odds during our 33-year marriage many times over, even if he does have to put up with me.

[venusss]

Asides on so much focus on meds... the "we are helpless and need to be babied" bothers me. I read simmilar article (about how bipolars need to be told to go to bed NOAW and such). I hope my potential future partner never comes across such articles... because I simply couldn't deal with being handled by these rules.

Without a doubt, the biggest challenge we face in treating bipolar disorder is medical adherence, according to psychologist Kay Redfield Jamison. “I’d like to make the obvious point that I don’t think is made enough, which is that it doesn’t do any good to have effective medications for an illness if people don’t take them,” she said at the Johns Hopkins 21st Annual Mood Disorders Symposium. Approximately 40 – 45 percent of bipolar patients do not take their medications as prescribed. Come up with some rules, and be sure to include in there “medication adherence.”

Paulina Porizkova had "Love affair" with meds. Her husband liked her better medicated? why? Because she was a good stepfort wife... (apparently, her stepfortwifeness made even for lack of sex). It's often the case it seems... liking 'em better doped up.

This complaince/adherence **** makes me angry, because it often contains power factor. I guess some bipolars are due to past traumas willing/wanting to be man-handled... but that doesn't make it right.

I am not really for given rules in relationships, except for honest and common decency. Openness and will to listen from both parties is what is needed.

Sometimes I forget how hurtful my words can be when I’m expressing how anxious or depressed I feel. “I just want to be dead.” “I don’t care about anything.” “If only I was diagnosed with cancer and could make a graceful exodus out of this world …” Oh, no offense. Thankfully my husband knows that it’s my depression speaking, not me. He has been able to separate his wife from the illness. That is the result of lots of research on his part and a few conversations with my psychiatrist.

gah, I hate the whole "your illness talking" thing. Yes, we sound scary when depressed... but what if there's something more to it? I wonder how much conversations her husband had with her. I had many many many many with my "crazy" friends. Never used "illness is talking" line. For them it's real in that moment and it's pointless to lessen it.

If my husband didn’t take time to run and play golf he would be hospitalized alongside me.

no offense, but I'd be crazy if I were her husband too. And all the golf in the world would not save me

[notALICE]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Being Married to a Person with Depression or Bipolar: 6 Survival Tips | World of Psychology

I found this to be so demeaning.

There are no links to the statistics used in this article.....but 90% failure rate for marriages? WTF?

While it is certainly horrifying stats, I have to admit I've been divorced 4 times. Married/divorced twice to the same man, and I'm reunited with #4... So not quite as horrid as it sounds but...

...the common denominator in my failed relationships is me. I'm newly diagnosed as having BP1, so it wasn't like that was thrown around all over the place. Although it was mentioned a few times that I could have it, but I always denied that possibility. I am very codependent and don't find myself in the healthiest of relationships.

I would love for my husband now to be open, supportive, read books, listen when I talk about it etc, but it's just not his style. I have to work on changing myself, not him.

I am going to BDSA meetings that also has workshops to address things like anger, self esteem, etc. so I think knowing that I have a disorder I can be more proactive. I have a disorder, but it doesn't have to define me or ruin my relationships.

I want to strive to be a healthier person - in all areas of my life - and all my relationships, not just marital.

My morning thoughts.

[Eliza Jane]

As far as I can tell, this woman just has opinions and no real training or knowledge. I LOL'd after reading what she said about why she doesn't mention her qualifications on her own webpage:

About « Therese J. Borchard

I guess she feels that having BP made her an expert. She is only an expert in HER BP. No one else's.

EJ

[Eliza Jane]

I discovered that one university that she went to, I went to too. Looking on our alumni site, I discovered that her background is in theology and journalism...not mental health at all. Interesting...

EJ

[faerie_moon_x]

It just made me angry that she put full responsability of the marriage onto the person with bipolar or depression, and not the other person. Just because there is a corrolation doesn't mean it's the absolute cause of all divorces for people with bipolar or depression.

What about the statistic that peple who have mental illness are also more likely to be the victims of violence, which include domestic violence.

I'm sure there are many cases in which bipolar or depression are a leading factor in a divorce. But, I'm just as sure that sometimes the fact that one partner has bipolar or depression was just another fact, but not a cause.

That article made me angry mostly because it didn't address how to be a proper support person, which many spouses are not. How many people do we hear say "you're lucky if your husband/wife tries to understand / is supportive." That's BS that we even think that way, but it's our reality. And, I was upset that it didn't offer any insight into steps other than meds the person with bipolar or depression should take to keep themselves healthy, and that in turn would keep the marriage healthy.

I'm on my second marriage, and in my first I had no business being married. But this time, I do my best to stay aware of how my illness can impact the people around me and myself. But, there's no way I could carry an entire marriage alone. It just doesn't work that way.

[wotchermuggle]

Does anyone know if there is a way to complain to PC about this article? It says the author is an associate editor - SCARY - but I'd like to make a complaint.

[NWgirl2013]

You can contact Dr John directly.

I am so glad I found this thread! I read this and it sent me sailing ....Down. So, it's a bit of a crock, you think?

Glad to know there are some of you with a little fight left in you!

[swheaton]

My husband has been very accepting and I take my meds. However, generalizing BP is wrong.

[swheaton]

It makes all of us sound incapable of taking care of ourselves...buncha crap.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

You can contact Dr John directly.

I am so glad I found this thread! I read this and it sent me sailing ....Down. So, it's a bit of a crock, you think?

Glad to know there are some of you with a little fight left in you!

Who is Dr. John? Forgive me, I haven't been a PC member for a super long time.....about a year or so.

[NWgirl2013]

Dr John is the 'owner'/moderator of the site. Start a message with his name in the recipient box and it will pop up. He leads chats and other discussions too. Hope that helps.

[NWgirl2013]

Pardon Me, that is Doc John.

[BlueInanna]

Yea what a piece of crap article ... She does sound like a journalist only and not a mental health professional. I do feel sorry for her bp husband!

[Confusedinomicon]

I was wrong about the 80%

Anyway here is the article they took the stat off of:

NAMI | Beating the Marriage Odds
http://www.psychologytoday.com/artic...polar-disorder (original article)

http://www.bipolar-lives.com/bipolar-and-divorce.html

^^^^^ This states that the statistic is not credible and there is no real research backing up that number. It was originally posted in Psychology Today in 2003, which is a commercial magazine and website.

[wotchermuggle]

I feel terrible thinking that other people are going to be hurt by the misinformation.

[Chupacabra]

Whatever. I've been with the dude for 7+ years, and while he's seen the ugliness... Held me, put his foot down, spoke up & called me on my B.S., he has NEVER coddled me. No one has ever taken care of me. And while he's said "you need to call your doctor" he's never loaded me up in the car & whisked me away to the doc. Don't think that would do a thing in the way of trust. Nope.