[lil_better_everyday]

First, I apologize for the ignorance, and thank you all for bearing with me. I'm so new to all of this. I've only out of rehab (booze) about four months, and actively aware and paying attention to my illness a little less than two. I try and search any questions I first, assuming someone else at some point has wondered the same, but too often the answers I find are lacking.

Since I haven't completely figured out the user control panel, I'm diagnosed with BPII, 'minor PTSD' (hasn't been a huge issue, nothing like what some of brothers and sisters are going through) and I touched on the substance abuse above. I've only been through one set of meds (due to a terribly inefficient VA system) which currently are Celexa 20mg and Seroquel 25mg, both once a day, usually at bedtime. I work third shift shift so this is usually 10 or 11 am. Finally, to the actual content of the post...

Is it possible for a lack sleep to trigger hypomania? I understand the importance of a regular sleeping schedule. I'm usually pretty good about it, but as I said above I work nights, and sometime things come up that can only be taken care of right in the middle of my 'night'. Such as, last night I had to attend a wake for the father of good friend of over 20 years. I could not miss it (at least not without feeling terrible about it). Because of that I only got about 2 hours of sleep. Not the end of the world, it's impossible to make it through 5 years in the Marines without learning how to operate on minimal sleep. I was tired and a bit loopy at work, since following the suggestions of the good people on the forums, I'm severely cutting down my caffeine intake (from a pot or two a night to a cup or two a night, I couldn't handle the complete abstinence many suggested), but made it through without incident. When I got home from work, I forced myself to stay awake so I could get back on my normal cycle sleeping from roughly noon till 7 or 8 pm. And this was an effort as I was exceedingly tired. Now it's 9:40 am here, and not a trace of that tiredness remains. I don't have anyone close (I guess I could call someone) to see if I have telltale (for me at least) forced rapid speech. The closest signs I have are my lack of feeling tired, when by all rights I should be struggling to keep my eyes open, and now I've noticed that this is the third venue on the internet in the last three hours, that I've been far more verbose than I originally intended. I'm a two finger typist, and usually dread it. Anyway, thanks now, for any future answers. I hope this at least makes sense.

Also, I need all the well wishes, karma, prayers if you're into to that that you wonderful people can muster for me as I have have a situation coming up that I'm more than just a bit apprehensive. I'm going to copy some of it from my user biography which I wrote earlier today (which, crap, makes that the fourth place I've typed way more than I originally intended), because I need to go run, do calisthenics, chase cars, I don't know, something to burn more energy than sitting down and typing. Whew, okay here goes. Again, I really hope this is coherent. When I read it, it makes perfect sense, but I've come to learn that, at my best, my brain doesn't usually process and output information like a 'normal' brain; and at my worst, either my brain is operating two wavelengths above, or more likely two below everyone else because clearly "I'm the only one here making any goddarn sense, what is everyones effing problem!"

Actually, I'm just gonna force myself to make this as succinct as I am capable of because I need to get out of this room and doing something physical as soon as humanly possible. So, if I am, in fact, making "no goddarn sense" but being the kind soul you are, you still want to help, a longer version can be found in my user bio.

Long story short: Was prescribed my VA primary care bupropion for smoking cessation. No one told I needed to taper off, when I stopped taking it I felt crazy for a good two weeks and had 'brain-zaps' like whoa. Like friggin whoa. So I swear off any and all antidepressants and the like. After this VA psychiatrist diagnosed me as BPII and prescribed Abilify, some antidepressant and 1mg xanax (3 times daily, as needed). Said hell no to the first two but ate the xanax. Different town, different VA doc takes me off the xanax. I don't return to the VA clinic for a couple years while I self medicate with booze.

Alcoholism got really bad, I got clean at a VA inpatient deal. Feel terrible far beyond the time any addict can or should expect to. Bow pretty much to the present. Another new doc confirms BPII and prescribes 20mg Celexa and 25mg of seroquel, both once daiy. This is a teleconference with the doc who is 200+ mi away. I feel fine for a bit, then I feel crazy, then I feel depressed. I assume it is the current meds. After multiple calls the VA they cannot find a way to move my next appt, I have to wait another month. Not the end of the world, I've always gotten on, I will this time too.

I forgot this though: late Thurs night I leave for a family retreat in GA for my Grandparents 65 anny. I was in Iraq when they took the family on a cruise for their 60th (those jerks still sent me pictures) Thing is, I love the crap outta my entire family and would do anything for them, it's just we don't have a lot in common. Not a big problem previously, if I have gin and tonics I can I can tolerate almost anyhing. But this will be first large scale meetup of this side of the family that I'll be sober for. That turned this game from easy to medium. Well my meds appt, is, of course, the day after we get back. So now I'm forced to co-habitate with my family without booze, on meds that are potentially making my condition worse. All the has me a little apprehensive already.

But here's the effing icing on the cake- I'm an athiest, the rest of the family except maybe my lil sis, are weekly church attendees, the majority of whom have served on any number of church boards and/or whatever the frigging nomenclature for a group of deacons is. Up to this point it has been a total non-issue. I won't overtly lie to any of them, but I've been able to get by with vague statements and the 'smile and nod' treatment. Well one of the things I'm trying to do right now is set up at a non-12 step recovery group in my area since all we have now are AA/NA/al-anon type groups. Without getting to in depth, I just fundementally disagree most of the 12-step philosophy (mostly the powerlessness and the god components). I'm signed up for distance training in July for to be a meeting facilitator for the 'SMART Recovery' program(www dot smartrecovery dot org/]Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery®[/url], secular, science based, not-for-profit, and the entire program is offered for free noline, if anyone is looking). On my last night off I was bored outta my gourd my and figured if I wait till I'm trained to get the word out, there won't be anyone to 'meeting facilitate' (I'm still a little skeptical anyone will show up for a while anyway, but I think it's important that it's available). So I create a FB page outlining my plan and how I came to it, I share it and ask all my friends to like and share the page for a little bit of free exposure. I can't help anyone if no one know this is out there, right? Well, I get a bunch of support from friends and the "I'm soooo proud of you" call from my mom. Things are going about well as can be expected. That is, until I get a lengthy email from my grandparents echoing my parents kind words, but going on to say how disappointed they are to learn I don't believe in god, and how they truly feel their and others prayers played a huge role in my successful recovery. I'm am confused by this because they don't do FB. Found out later, in her excitement to inform family that I taking initiative in my sobriety, my mother had copied and pasted the entire page and sent it to my grandparents. So on top having just deal with my family, I am assured to have to discuss this issue at least once with my grandparents, and more than likely once or twice more with anuts and uncles. I am not looking forward to that.

I implore you to send me any of the positive vibes you can spare! And thanks in advance!

(And, crap. I would have sworn up and down that I had only been sitting at the computer for about 45 minutes. Nope it's been 2 hrs. Yikes!)

[Trippin2.0]

I want to say alot of nice thoughtful things to you, but my words are a bit stuck. They may need prompting... So for now, all I'm gonna say is Yes, sleep deprivation can trigger hypomania and...

Congratz on your sobriety It can't be easy, and I hope that you take atleast a moment each day to feel proud of yourself

Sending you good vibes and rays of steely resolve to get through your family function unscathed. I'm not an atheist, but my family and I have very different ideas about God. The best for me is to nod and smile (with my mouth full of food so I don't outright lie) and then end off by saying I appreciate their prayers... If you agree, even just by nodding there's no challenge, thus they don't have any reason to lecture, convert or exorcise you

[bunnifoo]

Okay so answer to your question - sleep deprivation can cause hypomania (which can lead to mania, which can lead to crashing into depression) so that is something to keep an eye on.

As for the family - my extended family is super religious (well one side of them). My dad's relilgious, his mother and siblings. Two of his cousins are hard core Southern Baptist preachers (they are brothers and one of them has a side helping of not so subtle racism going on there). And lots of other Southern Baptist relatives.

Is your Mom supportive of you being atheist (or at least not trying to convert you?) because if she is, I would talk to her. Write down a script and read from it if you have to.

Say something like - Mom I know how proud you are of me and how proud my grandparents are that I'm getting sober. Maybe you don't know this, but discussion of religion, especially with family members, makes me extremely anxious. Could you please talk to Grandparents and tell them I know they love me and want what's best for me and right now not discussing religion is best for me. Being anxious is a threat to my sobriety."

Or something like that. If your grandparents don't seem to understand you can go with - "mental illness and anxiety are extremely personal, what makes 1 person anxious doesn't make another person. And right now this (religion) is a trigger for anxiety so I'm trying to avoid anything that makes me anxious". - This being relayed by your mother (or whoever you trust).

And if someone brings something up, say "I'd rather not discuss this right now." Change the subject and if they persist then find something pressing to do.

You didn't say what kind of retreat it is -but I'd spend summers with my aforementioned super conservative family at the beach. Different houses but we'd always end up over at their house, with Rush Limbaugh on the radio and not so subtle racist remarks and sexist crap. It would get too much so I'd say, I'm going to take a walk. Although that can be tricky becuase sometimes people want to go on a walk too. So I'd say, "I think I'm going to go read" and slip off and go for a walk alone.

As a total last resort, I would throw out the guilt, "If you really love and support me you discuss religion with me/let me be by myself/accept that this is how I am."

But that's a guild trip and I'd only use that as a total last resort.