[Nessa213]

I really kind of flipped out on my mom tonight. Made her cry and everything... because I'm a bad bad person.

But here's the story (I still believe I was warranted)... but anyway...

My daughter had a cold last week. She's 2 years old so I can't really give her very much yet, but her cold deteriorated to a very bad sounding cough. On Saturday night I went out to visit my parents and spent the rest of the weekend up there with my daughter. My husband was working today, so the plan was to keep my daughter there through today so that my dad could watch her today and then they would come out and drop her off tonight after my mom got home from work. (A side note: they live an hour away so the whole back and forth is always a little bit of a production.)

Anyway. Because of her cough I send some cough medicine and tell my mom that she should really take it at least 4 or 5 times a day. Or at the VERY least before leaves for work in the morning and as soon as she gets home. Also, because she's 2 it's not like I could get normal cough medicine and stuff I bought was about $8 for a tiny little bottle. Whatever... it's not a MASSIVE amount of money, but enough for me to not want to buy another one if I didn't have to.

They get here and the first thing I notice is that my daughter is absolutely filthy. Whatever... they're kind of hoarder... ish... so this is pretty typical when they drop her off. Not dangerous or anything so I'm not concerned about it all that much. Secondly, they didn't get here until after 8pm. My daughter's bedtime is usually at 7:30... so she's all crabby because she's exhausted AND they haven't fed her a dinner yet. Poor thing.

Thirdly, they sit down for the dinner I made for everyone (meatloaf... not important to the story but it was delicious and I was quite proud of it). Anyway, daughter starts coughing and it sounds AWFUL. So I say to my mom "oh, I should give her some of that cough medicine".

My mom gets this sad look on her face and says "Ooohhhh I'm sorry I haven't given her any today. I DID her one dose yesterday. And I left it at home... sorry!"

All I'm thinking... aggressively 'THIS ISN'T A SORRY KIND OF SITUATION, MOM!!!' I didn't say this, of course. I DO end up saying something like "You only gave her ONE dose yesterday?!? And you haven't given her ANY today??? Have you HEARD her cough???"

Yes. I might have been too aggressive. And now thinking back on it I can guarantee I was too aggressive. So I say "Well you guys are going to have to wait here so that I can get some more before she goes to bed."

At this point, my daughter is so tired she just getting impossible... still filthy and no time for a bath... and I have to run to the store that's at least a 20 minute round trip to get her some cough medicine from a store that marks up the price on EVERYTHING because they can and because there's no other real "convenience" stores in my area.

When they showed up they also happened to park right behind my car. So I say to my mom "You're gonna have to move the car"... "Oh... ok... I'll get it" she says as she sits back down. "NO, MOM... I'm leaving right now... can you just move it now??"

She walks out... kind of crying at this point. I turn to my dad and yell "How the **** did I survive my childhood???". He just laughs...

So I finally get to leave to go to the store and the ENTIRE time I'm yelling to myself in the car. Having this imaginary conversation with my mom in my head.

Still... I finally get home and my daughter's crying and I (almost) literally have to push them out the door so I can get her to bed. To be fair... they did give money to pay back for the new stuff I had to buy.

It's always the littlest things that set me off. And I'm physically incapable of having a normal human reaction even to the smallest of things. And the fact that I made my mom cry... I'm going to hell. For a lot of reasons... but I'm sure I'm going to hell. Tomorrow I'll send her the typical "Sorry I was a ***** last night" email.

God... if only I had a dollar for every "Sorry I was a *****" email, voice mail or text message that I had to send... *shakes head*

Was it a big deal? No. My dad even as they were leaving said it really wasn't a big deal... "nothing you can do about it"... and sure he's right. But I can't help but getting worked up about it. Ugh. Makes my head hurt. I need some Advil.

[A Red Panda]

I'd be upset too in that case though... it isn't that difficult to give a poor kid some cough syrup when they're coughing horribly! And to have not fed a little kid who should have ate hours before? And she's dirty?

I'd have flipped out too!

[bluewave7]

It could be that you have a lot of anger towards your Mom and it's built up over the years. I think you were justified and perhaps don't send her there very often or when she's sick. Your Mom crying is a bit of a manipulation to make you feel bad. She was irresponsible and that is your daughter were talking about. Setting some boundaries with her sounds like a must. Like she needs to clean her house, feed the child, give her the medicine and have her home on time. If she fails to do this then you may want to reconsider having her babysit as your child could get hurt and the environment sounds unhealthy for anyone to be in. Just my thoughts. I also know you can not change your parents. But you can set boundaries to ensure the safety of your child.

[hannabee]

I'm sorry, but I don't think you over-reacted AT ALL! You must have a difficult relationship with someone that seems to not really care about her granddaughter. And your thought about your childhood was probably "spot on" too! The LAST time my mother ever babysat, I returned home to learn that my 7 year old had been outside in the dark feeding my mothers dog by her car (I TOLD HER NOT TO BRING IT arrrrg) and she had made my daughter cut her toenails. ewwweeee She was abusive to me, but I never really thought about it or realized it until I had children. I eventually cut off all ties with my mother when my childhood memories caught up with me!

[Darth Bane]

i dont know... your mom reminds me of my mom, and i am not sure how much i love/ hate her or angry at her... and i actually felt little bit sympathy for your mom too... in old times their definition of filthy was much different than ours... and you can shout at your mom hundred times she will still think she is the most intelligent person in the world and do whatever she thinks right...

[Nessa213]

I at least feel a little more justified now. I might have reacted a bit poorly... I suppose. But I guess any mom would be a bit aggressive when she feels her child is being mistreated.

So yes... justified in yelling at my mom.

Originally Posted by Darth Bane

i dont know... your mom reminds me of my mom, and i am not sure how much i love/ hate her or angry at her... and i actually felt little bit sympathy for your mom too... in old times their definition of filthy was much different than ours... and you can shout at your mom hundred times she will still think she is the most intelligent person in the world and do whatever she thinks right...

That last part!!... Exactly! All of it... actually. I mean she's my mom, so sure, I love her and all. But she really doesn't make it easy. I seem to go back and forth between tolerating her and not being able to stand being around her at all.

Wow, that sounded bad. heh

[comicgeek007]

Very Justified. I don't have any kids but I would feel that way about anyone who did that to my little siblings.

[roads]

Your dad has seemed to have discovered the perfect coping skills to live harmoniously with your mom. Any chance you you figure out how he does it--even discuss it with him? Do you think you mom may be bipolar?

What other child are options do you have, other that your parents?

Granted, you were justified in yelling at your mom--but yelling at her upsets you & affects her like the proverbial water off a duck's back. She's so convinced she's right about everything that your behavior simply confirms your mom's sense of superiority over you. Maybe accepting her poor care of your daughter as all you expect of her, ignoring the "triggers" she presents, will over time take away any positive feedback your yelling gives her (if it gives her any).

Just a thought.