[NuckingFutz]

Aside from the bipolar mood swings, I've had a lot of problems with memory, memories of feeling persecuted by past classmates that I haven't thought of in 30 years, not wanting to connect with people from that period of my life. Does bipolar affect memory? Sometimes I just draw so many blanks. Sometimes I just want to leave the past behind. I don't know. I usually have just a few close friends at a time. It's always been that way for me.

Going through facebook, I see friends of friends that I have known and I want to reach out but fear I would be overwhelmed by people. I don't know.

I also see these people from my past with big fancy houses, beautiful familes, and lots of friends. It's at these times that I feel so inadequate, small yet so different from them.

If anyone can relate or send a message of support, let me know, because in this facet of my life, I feel so alone right now.

I can't do facebook. I have one friend on there, and that's all I can handle. I get that persecuted feeling as well, that's why I don't do FB.

As for the friends of friends: I've learned from experience, that the outside looks good, but the inside is miserable. Remember that old saying, "Don't Judge a book by its cover."

NuckingFutz (love you screen name) you aren't alone. I do know what you feel. I never fit in when I was in school, and still really don't. I've always been a loner. I march to the beat of my own drum. I know it's hard but the past can ruin our present. I struggle w/ that too.

[Trippin2.0]

I avoid HS people at all costs! Well except my bf of course...

IDK why though, for a myriad of reason it just left a bad taste in my mouth, and FB "covers" don't help the situation.

I don't know what to say that would be comforting, I'm at a loss for words, but I do identify with being left behind... Just this past Saturday it had me in tears for hours, everybody is moving forward in some way shape or form, the loneliness this evokes is in itself traumatic...

So I can only imagine what you must be going through ((((((((((NF))))))))))

I'm sending you warm hugs though, I know how to hug really well, so I promise they are of the highest quality hugs you can find!

[BlackPup]

I have huge gaps in my memory. I think its from some of the meds I was on. But BP probably doesn't help either.

I don't have any school "friends" on Facebook. Don't catch up with them either. Totally get the Facebook feelings though. Just remember that they only Facebook the good parts.

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't know anyone from HS. I avoid them. My Facebook is set to private so no one can send me random friend requests. But, I really was persecuted. I was bullied very badly, then it turned out the friends I had were just as bad as the bullies. It turns out I never had any friends at all.

And, my family.... I don't even go on Facebook any more. It's just a joke. I don't ever see them or hear from them. Just on Facebook and how they obviously leave me out. It makes me mad so I just don't bother.

[NuckingFutz]

Wow! I don't feel so alone anymore. I have also stopped being curious about the lives of people in my past... it is true, people only FB the good parts of their lives.

As for the lack of long term memory, I've read that it is tied to bipolar in some people. Maybe it's a blessing. I guess I will take it as something that is meant to be.

I sure am glad you all wrote back and let me know I am not alone. It's a freaky feeling to feel alone in this big old world. So thank you so much!

[NuckingFutz]

Originally Posted by faerie_moon_x

I don't know anyone from HS. I avoid them. My Facebook is set to private so no one can send me random friend requests. But, I really was persecuted. I was bullied very badly, then it turned out the friends I had were just as bad as the bullies. It turns out I never had any friends at all.

That's the word I was looking for: bullied. I was bullied in Jr. High and High School. There was also a pedofile that was my brother's best friend. He took my body over and over again and kept me silent with threats. I am working through this part of my life now because I am noticing signs of PTSD.

[sugahorse1]

Hi NF. Please know you aren't alone.
I use FB, and have looked up people from the past, and it always affects me negatively. I know I shouldn't, but I do. So hats off to you for being so in control.

Regarding memory - I have no doubt that BP affects it. I have no memory myself. Especially my childhood. And certain pockets of my life.

my memory's been getting a lot worse lately.

as i was saying in another thread just now, sometimes i lose entire days even... not knowing if i ate, or listened to music or anything.

i think it has a lot to do with the bipolar, as before my memory used to be awsome- in fact i could remember really long numbers and stuff without writing anything down