[WrongEverything]

Instability has quickly descended into madness, and though I'm not a danger to myself, I have to wonder how long that might last?

I don't know If this is workable, fixable, do-able, why ask for help? I don't want to go to the hospital >.<

There's no point... I'll just end up back in this messed up place again.

[sugahorse1]

Who do you stay with? Can you discuss how you are feeling with someone you trust and ask for their advice? Sometimes these are just phases we know we can ride out. And at other times we need to drag ourselves to the hospital for our own good

[WrongEverything]

lol do people actually talk to people they live with? I live with my family parents/brothers/one of their gf's.

No. I'm not going to talk to them. I don't know if i can drag this one out. Its kind of crossing way over into crazy delusional suicidal town.

[Victoria'smom]

Call pdoc

[WrongEverything]

Lol there's your kicker! Hes on vacation.. until the 8th.

I'm not really an "imminent" danger which is why i haven't dragged myself yet, not to mention i don't really think it'll help.

[Victoria'smom]

Do you by chance have a therapist? Or is there a walk in clinic, urgent care, or on call pdoc? Do you have any prns ? What does pdoc usually do when this happens? How adverse are you to hospitals and would they even admit you?

[Dylanzmama]

I agree with Miguel'smom-try the on call doc and be honest...

[WrongEverything]

Do you by chance have a therapist? No, Pdoc, but on vacation.

Or is there a walk in clinic, urgent care, or on call pdoc? Don't know, don't have co-pay >.<

Do you have any prns ? No. Just some old sleeping pills I take too many of occasionally.

What does pdoc usually do when this happens? I don't know, he's never had to do anything for me but prescribe pills.

How adverse are you to hospitals... 50/50 adverse, its more that it won't help in the long run.

and would they even admit you? i think they would, did you know i'm looking into buying a gun? lol. Yeah I think they'd take me.

[faerie_moon_x]

Since you have no one to talk to you, pdoc on vacation, I think the best idea is to go in. If you're looking to buy a gun that's a very bad idea in your curent state and it worries me.

[WrongEverything]

Its days like this that make me think I could just run off from everything, sell everything I own and take off, see where I end up.

I either feel like that, or I want to turn all the lights off in my room and cry/cut.

Today is not a good day.

I'm not going inpatient. i just want to not exist.

[Darth Bane]

i am facing this madness for last three years now. i thought this month i will succeed in something but no it was another failure. i could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel... but i think you know how it is.. we are not really luckiest people in the world

anyway, i am going to watch that brad pitt movie today- world war z ... you could watch it too... honestly there is nothing else for us to do....

[sugahorse1]

You sound like you really need to go inpatient.
You have been given some really good advice, and it seems like there is no one in your immediate support system to be able to help you. Go to the hospital and give yourself a chance.

Btw - I do have a few close friends I talk to. And I know I could speak to them for their advice if I should ever go IP or not

[WrongEverything]

Defnitely no support system.

I can't will myself to go... for a variety of reasons

- doesn't sound fun
- won't help
- hospital food
- no way to get there, not calling 911 >.>
- disrupt my family

Thanks for the advice... I need to figure this out.

[Victoria'smom]

You can't sleep through it until your pdoc gets back, can you take the sleeping meds tonight and call the office tomorrow and find out what they want you to do?

-It's not suppose to be fun. It's to become stable until your pdoc comes back.
-You have to give it a chance
-I don't know their food policy but maybe you can bring your own?
-I'm sure you could ask a family member or is there a bus/cab you can take?
- If any harm came to you it'd disrupt your family forever.

[pink&grey]

WrongEverything, I'm only here from time to time and don't really know anyone, but I can remember responding to you before. I don't remember the details, but I remember seeing myself in your thoughts. Myself about ten years ago. Impatient does suck and no you don't want to go there unless you really need to. But even if/when that happens, you need at least one support person. Opening up to that person takes courage and humility. Maybe it is a burden on them, but who cares?!? We all burden one another sooner or later. That's what friends and family are for. It's ok, and you'll be ok and so will they.

Impatient is not your only option. There are intensive outpatient programs that can be immensely helpful too. Check into it. And if it costs you money, it costs you money. So what. Money can be paid off over time. Time lost feeling this way is both time and money lost forever.

And stop it with the gun nonsense. Don't buy a gun and don't be near one. The end. PM me anytime. Like I said, I feel ya. Just know you aren't alone and it gets brighter.