It's summertime.....

......and I'm hypomanic. AGAIN.

I was doing so well, too. But I got all excited about my new job, and of course it IS summertime, when being over-amped is my default mode. Now my sleep is all effed up, I'm restless and overactive, and I'm writing and can't shut up! I know it's all situational, but my pdoc backed me into a corner at my last visit and made me promise to call if I got even the least bit jacked-up, so I've been dithering all day about doing it.

This goes soooo against the grain for me, because I have this thing about not bugging doctors until I'm desperately ill and this is SO not an emergency. But it's been this way for most of the past week or so, and I know how pissed he's going to be if I DON'T call and I run into trouble again. So I did report in and left a message for him---I'm trying to be a good patient and do as I've been instructed. But it's not easy!

At least I'm finally getting the hang of recognizing when I'm headed for trouble, which is a huge breakthrough for me. I'm NOT sick, but I know I could get that way now that the ball's started rolling, and I enjoyed my few weeks' normality enough that hypomania has lost some of its attraction.

The thing that pisses ME off is that a season which is my absolute favorite time of year does such distressing things to me. I have all this energy when the sun shines on my face and I can feel the soft breezes in my hair.....but then I've gotta go and have a stupid mood swing. Yaarrrgh!!

Hun

You ! You did the most amazing thing, You called knowing full well that you did not want to. But you called .. Maybe you won't lose all this awesome summer fun !

I'm proud of you !

Congrats on calling the doc even though you didn't want too!!!! I admire you for doing that!

I keep going a lot from happy to sad myself, and I know at least part of it is because when it's summer I do just want to GO GO GO as much as possible.

Well, even though I didn't think this was an emergency, he called me back after his last patient of the day. He's pretty awesome like that, but he also made it clear he wasn't messing around with it and instructed me to double up on the Geodon---again---to see if that'll bring me down. I think he thinks I'm more manic than I think I am, and I'm worried about being zombified at work, but I have to go along with the program because it could be disastrous if I don't.

Still, I am kinda proud of myself for doing the difficult thing and letting the expert decide how serious things are, rather than relying on my own (faulty) judgment. That hasn't worked well for me in the past; maybe I'm finally getting it.

Thanks for your support!

I've finally landed safely from my trip to the moon. Meds finally kicked in and today I'm closer to normal than I've been in a couple of weeks. What a relief.....I've got an insanely busy week coming up with working 7 days out of 8, which includes three days at a training seminar for registered nurse care managers (which I am NOT, but I think I'm going to be promoted very soon). I didn't need to be manic during that!!

Weird how episodes can come out of thin air. I was going along nicely, feeling perfectly normal and minding my own business, and then summer happened. And of course the new/old job happened. Neither one should have triggered a major reaction. But they did, and I'm still amazed at how BP can blow up like this. It's such a fascinating illness......but it would be a lot more fascinating if I didn't have it!

That's terrific, BipolaRNurse, that your medication has done the trick for you. You must
have a terrific psychiatrist.

Glad for you, and to think not long ago it was jobless and "don't know what I'm going
to do now". Life is like that sometimes.

Really glad for you.