2 days left

If you have to get some substitute rings, get yourself something that might be amusing to you. (No idea how to work that out).

Here's hoping he comes to his senses in the morning!

Got substitute rings...ended up paying more for them than the one's we wanted that were ordered. Not amused. Oh well...onward and..well onward.

I wonder how he would view himself in a movie when in a rage and then looked at it after
he had calmed down. I'll bet he wouldn't believe that he could do such a thing. The
mind just becomes oblivious to anything he is or does when in a rage, I guess.

I do think seeing himself or seeing someone else throw back at him the very words he
uses on others might ring a bell somewhere in there.

One never knows, really.

I always wonder what happened in the childhood of some bipolar patients which makes
them fall into rages. It must have been something that really cut at the heart of who
they were as a person to make the matter a violent retaliation against others. Whatever
it is, it needs to be resolved by therapy through an excellent psychiatrist, I think,
in order for him to finally have peace.

I wonder, too, if he is like this with men whom he must deal with in his work and if
it occurs as often as it does with his wife. Something must threaten a very
precarious ego inside that cracks with the slightest pressure. It is sad but possibly
something that could be worked out, I guess. I wonder, too, if this behavior is
a learned one in the home when he was just a toddler.

I'm sure you think about it often. His mother seems to be able to reach him, but he
rebels against it after she's finished, though, from what I read in your threads. She's
on your side which is a huge help! (I hope, I hope.)

Learning all you can about his background as a little one might help in understanding
where all these problems originated.

Have a great day tomorrow.

Genetic ~

Thankfully the episode broke tonight. He is back to his calmer self. Wedding is back on and all is moving forward again.

You are dead on about what you wrote about him. I think he'd be a little amazed at seeing himself on video but maybe not. I really don't know. I do know about his childhood. I heard it from his mother and from him and his siblings. They all describe his father as a monster. K and his mom separately told me stories of Pat (his dad) lining them up by age and one by one pulling the trigger of his empty pistol against their heads. He said darn each time as if the gun was malfunctioning. Another story is K was 4 and his father came home and got extremely angry that K's toys were on the floor of the living room and he picked him up by the throat and stabbed the wall beside his ear with the tip of a bayonet. You can still see the scar on the very outer edge of his ear. After his mother left his father and K was 15 I think he asked his mom to invite his father over when they knew he was back in Indiana for a visit (he's military so he moves a lot) so she did. Pat came over and told K that if he cared about him at all he would have kept in touch but he didn't and he didn't expect K to try to get in touch with him again because he wanted nothing to do with him. There were many more hurtful things said but you get the idea. After that his mom says he just went over the edge. He was bad before but nothing like he was after that meeting with his father. She said everything good just went out of him.

He grew up in the justice system. From 9 to 36 he was pretty much just on a rotation of being locked up and getting out and getting locked up again. The one thing you were wrong about was a cracked ego. There is no crack in that ego. Don't get me wrong he has moments of weakness and self doubt but not many. He's arrogant and confident the likes of which I've never seen. He does treat his men that way but I've been on many jobs and while he is aggressive and verbal he is also right. They mess up he gets on them...they slack off he pushes them back to work. He doesn't allow for mistakes but this is our livelihood. There can be no mistakes when it's our bills that don't get paid when they do mess up. He is hard and he can be cruel but he is also right. He gives perfection and so he demands it.

I know why he slams at me the way he does. It's because other than his mother I am the only one he can. He feels safe taking that aggression out on me because I handle it and because he knows I understand it. Does it hurt...yes. Does it cause me distress and aggravation....of course. Will I ever leave because of it...never. He knows this. Only if he crosses the line to physical abuse will I ever go but he's never once even acted like he would.

His rage is intense and frightening to most people. They fear him and for good reason. But I don't. It's kinda like being a lion tamer. You are aware the beast before you has the capability to kill you in an instant and yet you still go into that cage every day because if you give him the respect and treat him with caution then you know it's very likely you will leave the cage unharmed. It's when you get cocky and comfortable in your assurance that no matter what you do the animal will never attack you...that you end up lunch. I don't fear him...but I do respect him and there are points with him that I will never push. I have a healthy respect for his strength and his aggressiveness. It's a part of him that was learned young and reinforced in his growing up and his adult years only cemented it further. I just want him to switch less. I don't want to take his nature away from him only smooth it out. I love him as he is...all of him. I just want a better life for him.

I'm glad it's broke! Have yourself a wonderful wedding holding!!!

(If you're cool with it afterwards, have you thought about suggesting to him to join a forum like this? It might help him? Even this one - if you were ok with him reading this thread, then he could always join and just not tell us he's your hubby if he didn't want to )

Sorry I'm wrong about the ego, Holdingonhope. But I would like to add that arrogance
is largely the result of ignorance, so while the ego is agressive and demanding, it may, in
my view, be somewhat injured, because truthfully, it takes great strength to be gentle.

I'm so happy to hear you say that he knows the boundaries with you and that physical violence is capable of making you break the relationship. I hope to goodness you never have to deal with that.

(Had a brother-in-law who was paranoid schizophrenic, later diagnosed as
bipolar. His wife always said that his blasts were "numbing". They made their marriage a
success, nevertheless, and I think largely because of her fine mind and broadmindedness.)

Hope this weekend is calm and restful for everyone.

Keep in touch.