[angrymanic]

I've changed my meds drastically, been seeing a therapist and joined a support group on managing my bipolar. My fear now as I begin the process is...what is the "normal" me? I've manic, I think, more than depressed and I'm not sure what my regular mood feels and looks like. What if I don't like the "new" and "normal" me? What if what helps me create long lasting relationships oa actually my manic self? Any direction or ideas would be appreciated...

[A Red Panda]

I spent years trying to figure that out - it was hard to separate all the different sides of myself and figure out the CORE of me.

Take a look at the things you like ALL the time. What traits do you have ALL the time? Even when depresseed, there are still always the things that I WISH I was feeling good enough to be doing.

For example, some of the things that are at my core:
- I always enjoy reading
- I always like to make up stories
- I have a good sense of humour
- I will go just about anywhere if it's what my friends want to do
- I will always park my butt down and listen to a friend if they're upset
- I am always a hardworker
- I am very stubborn
- I have a strong sense of fairness

There's lots of others, but those are just a sample. Even when I'm depressed, those things are STILL there to some degree. They're me.

Things that I do which aren't ALWAYS me, but are part of my depressions/ups:
- lethargic
- not following routines
- socially a hermit
- more reckless with my safety
- irritated/snappish
- wishing I could give up
- being unfocused

Those are all me still.... but they're not my "normal" self as they aren't at the core of who I am. They're traits of mine that only show up during a depression or up. And even during those - they don't ALWAYS make an appearance.

I'm not sure if that helps at all... but it's how I sorted that out for myself.

[yellowfrog268]

Normal is such a relative term constantly subject to change.

It may take a while for you to define what average will be for you. Meds can wreak havoc on the body and mind when they are changed from one to another and therapy is a process. Who you are now may not be who you become in a month, a year, maybe two years down the road.

It may help to think of this as a process. You are a work in progress.

I understand the desire to have a "normal" or "baseline" as an anchor. Can you identify simple norms? For example-- Every day I am a parent, a spouse, an employee? Or--My daily norm is to get out of bed and take care of (fill in the blank)? Although these may not totally define who you are, they are like lighthouses illuminating the shore.

My hope for you is that as you continue down this road that you will be able to begin to identify and accept whatever your new normal looks like. In the meantime, explore, be curious, and be open to new definitions of who you are and who you can become.

[MOHANAKRISHNAN]

Dear Friend

Drastic change in drug is not advisable as psychiatric drugs will take time to response. You can reach normalcy soon administering medicines as per advise of a good psychiatrist. Wish you an early recovery from the relapse..

[angrymanic]

Thanks for the ideas, maybe drastic is the wrong term...increase in Lamictal and the addition of lithium. Been on the change for two weeks...feeling better but not sure if its a placebo effect....

[redbandit]

I have no idea what normal is lol I keep wondering who I am too. I think I cope much better with my issues when I keep busy, just a suggestion, it helps distract me anyway.