[BinaryMan]

I am out of control. I need help. I am in counciling but I does not seem to be going anywhere. I am on meds (lamictal & seroquil) though my doc is still trying to dial in the correct doses, and I have taken it upon myself to understand and learn everything about my illness. I have read Kay Johnson's "An Unquiet Mind" cover to cover and go to a support group for bipolar. But no mater where I seek the answer to this question I am left empty handed: how do I learn control? I have these periods where everything is perfect and I can handle everything with a grin and can actually think about walking away or even how to defuse a tense situation. But other times... I just react. I make very bad decisions about what to say and how to act. How do I change that? The "just do it" approach that everyone keeps telling me doesn't help. I have committed myself 100% to getting better. If there was a way to simply will myself to handle things better I would not have this problem in the first place. My girlfriend says I am just not trying and when I tell her it was my illness and that I could not control myself she says I am hiding behind it.

Please, someone help me! I don't wand to be out of control anymore!

Hi, I don't know if this will help you at all but this is how I try to gain a little control.

Sleep - When I start to get less sleep I move onto decaf and do nothing but try to read for the last half hour before i go to bed. So no internet or mates round or fast paced tv shows. I try to go to bed around the same time every night if possible to create some routine and regular sleep hours. Sleep is so important for me.

Caffeine intake - I control this when I'm on the higher side of life by moving to decaf after 6pm.

Shopping - I let my friends check my ebay account for example and delete what is not needed. Have post it notes by my computer to slow down my erratic spending online (its so easy).

Big decisions - Never ever ever make big decisions when feeling high or low, leave it until stable.

These do not stop the effects of my Bipolar but they do help

[faerie_moon_x]

I agree, never make big decisions right away. Give yourself a time limit that you must wait. "I must wait this many days before I make a purchase of this many dollars or more." And you have to stick to it.

Sleep is very, very important and so is exercise, diet, and being on a routine. Routine is especially important when you mood goes too low or high because as creatures of habit, being off your routine will make you feel uncomfortable and you'll want to get back to it. This is one that helps me a ton.

Do you use a mood tracker? Sometimes if you track your moods and start to pick up on patterns it helps you pinpoint what's going on. I try to track my moods and triggers for at least one week per month, it's amazing what i learned from doing it.

[Trippin2.0]

Look up Mindfulness & Grounding Techniques. With enough practice you can learn how to centre yourself.

I have a pretty good handle on most of my "symptoms", but I'm admittedly not too good with the anger myself at present. I will now attempt to hold my breath (literally) before DECIDING how to respond the next time I get really angry...
Which is tomorrow I can assure you

Why hold my breath? Well because I can't exactly have a *****fit while holding my breath and breathing exercises while angry just doesn't happen for me at this stage.

[BinaryMan]

Thank you for the replies.

I have a set time at night I go to bed, and I actually gave my girlfriend complete control over the financial side of things. She also cooks all the meals and does the shopping and is very careful not to purchase anything with caffeine or high sugar. So those areas are well covered.

The situation I need to learn control over is when I go into an irritable state and I start snapping and yelling. I want to stop that from happening anymore cause it sparks intense fights that last the entire day, maybe longer. I need to learn how to control myself when I am irritable. Any suggestions?

[~Christina]

When you start to feel like your heading towards out of control , leave the situation , take a walk , or a jog anything that allows you step back and regroup. Grounding skills are great for this.

Also tell your partner before/if you decide to try this ... That way they aren't left in the dark as to why you just left the situation.

It's good you handed over the financial stuff to your girlfriend, Since she is doing all the meals and shopping .. maybe you could pitch in .. help making meals, or clean up around your home.
I only say this because sometimes people pass off chores that upset them to significant others and then find out down the road that significant other doesn't want to just take care of it ALL and they become resentful ..

[BinaryMan]

Thank you. It is very hard to walk away, but I definitely know that I CAN do it as I have done it before. If I focus on just walking away instead of wasting my energy on stopping my irritability I believe I could walk away with some consistency. Before I thought I was just avoiding the issue by walking away but it really is the only option isn't it?

[lateralminds]

Condition the Disorder by Positive Influence.

-find a quote or write your own one that works keep it in your pocket as a reminder
-we need routine, write down what works for you and don't look at yesterday or tomorrow, just today... follow it and repetition will take care of the rest.

chow

[lateralminds]

eliminate stress, workout and vitamin b's b2,b6,b12 etc are the one that rock! get a complex. stress on the brain activates this disorder, get the f***k off the computer... major problem if on it too much.

that reminds me, I better put this thing away before I end up on the weird side of youtube again :P

[~Christina]

I think initially walking away is the best move, while "walked away" you learn what it takes to calm down. Maybe you are able to deep breathe, step away from the situation and look at it rationally etc .. Over time you will see a pattern appear that you can follow . So maybe the next "situation" comes up and you can automatically mentally take a step back and not allow yourself to lose control.. It takes practice and its not 100% but it can help a lot.

[angrymanic]

Thanks for the thread...I'm going through something very similar but it took me a few years to recognize my issues. Since I have changed my entire lifestyle: quit drinking, working out everyday, changed my diet, taking vitamins along with my meds, and seeing a therapist along with his support group. I will ask him and the group any ideas they have used. Again thanks for the thread, your not the only one dealing with it.

[ultramar]

But other times... I just react

I think when it comes to the kind of impulsive -reactivity to people/situations you're talking about, it's a long road to haul. Medications may help to slow things down a bit, but learning specific skills, to put some space between trigger and reaction, mindfulness, etc. is what might help most. Have you considered DBT?

[lawrenman]

I have read your original post several times.

Self-Control is the absolute toughest skill to obtain in life. If you look at everyday activity you would assume you are not in control of things around you. But there is one thing you can control...yourself...that is it. That is ultimately the only thing you can control.

So how does someone control themselves? Self-Actualization. You need to learn as much about how your body/mind works as possible. By learning how you work, you can start to develop methodology to control yourself. Once you start understanding yourself better it will increase your confidence. Over time you will be able to react to situations better.

This is not a full-proof method though. If your mind gets too far down and depression starts developing, you will lose your ability to be self-aware. This is why during bipolar depression people tend to lose the ability to take care of themselves properly.

For now just take time to think about your responses before acting. You will need to practice this. A lot of times my wife wants back and forth convo rapid fire...but more often its best to think/listen/respond. Think about it.

You are on the right track though. I read an An Quiet Mind after I was diagnosed with bipolar before I went back to work. It didn't stop me from becoming severly depressed. But I know the warning signs now.

[BinaryMan]

Originally Posted by ultramar

But other times... I just react

Have you considered DBT?

What is DBT?