[kala83]

my friends care a great deal about me and the issues that I am having but some days are better then others for me around people I know.

my manic depression makes it really hard for me to be around other people in general especially due to the fact I have rapid cycling manic issues.

today I was out with two of my best friends and I had not gotten a lot of rest or a lot of food last night due to I was pet sitting for my neighbor and had not gotten a lot of rest due to her kittens keeping me up all last night.

also where I currently live with my mother is a very negative environment and its not a good place for me to come back home to a lot of the time.

I am trying to get out of the habit of thinking negatively about things so much in my life but its very hard to do that when the people I am around are very critical and negative themselves.

so when I went out of with my friends there was a lot of things that were bugging me, and it was working on my depression and them poking fun at me now and then slowly began to work on my anger, Which eventually I snapped and then they both snapped at me.

I have come very VERY close a lot of times to losing both of them as friends to me in my life, and the thought of losing these people that are this close to me utterly horrifies me completely. I am not used to having friends in my life let alone friends that are this close to me as well.

and I hate that I hurt them as easily as they hurt me.

[A Red Panda]

Can you try to work out a system with them?

Where if you say "We need to stop this conversation/topic/teasing" that they'll actually respect it and stop? Explain to them that sometimes you might be able to handle it, but that when you can't, that you don't want to snap at them when they don't really deserve it, and you need their help by respecting your wish to end that topic.

I tend to just go "NEW TOPIC!!!" if something bothers me and I notice it's starting to trigger me. Most people are quite respectful of that. I just say those two words, or something "We need to stop talking about this" or "Can you change the topic? Now please?". If someone DOESN'T respect that, I'll say it again and usually explain that it's starting to upset me or piss me off.

[gayleggg]

I hope you were able to patch things up with your friends. I know it is hard to contain the anger. I usually show mine to my husband who puts up with a lot but still hangs in there because he understands the illness. Hopefully your friends are the same. Wishing you well.
Gayle

[kala83]

its too early to tell if I have mended anything with anyone yet but I am hopeful things can be mended between us.