[johnthorne1539]

I just started a new job--teaching at the university level, what I will likely be doing for years to come. Today was the first day, and class, frankly, did not go very well. Granted, it is hard to tell how things will shape up based on a first day. There were lots of factors which led to my students having blank stares on their faces (it's a required course in a field where none of the students are majors, the room was very hot, and it was after lunch).

But it felt very much like being back in college or even in high school again. I'm fairly young to be in this position, and moreover, look three or four years younger than I am. Moreover, when I'm lecturing or simply speaking on some subject I know well, my vocabulary tends to be on the sophisticated side. It's habitual; I grew up speaking well, and using a diverse range of fancy, 5-dollar words. Yet I could see in my students' eyes that same look of, "Who is this pretentious *** saying words like 'vapid,' 'eructation,' and asking if any of us have studied any Greek or Latin?" If I weren't the one giving them their grades, I'm sure there would have been snickering. Little do they know that, as a professor without tenure, in the modern private U.S. university, they have more control over my future than I do over theirs. A bad series of student evaluations might end my career abruptly.

At this point, I have to be careful to curb my rant, before I go off on the state of education, or state education, or the corruption of the university into a soulless, corporate, soul-sucking monstrosity.

The fact that I've been more or less submerged in a depressive quagmire the last four days has not helped in the least. I've only averaged about 4 hours of sleep per night the last week.

Add to all that a continued disappointment with legitimate romantic opportunity, continued impoverishment, and these twerps' blank stares more or less made me want explode. They rolled their eyes at the reading assignments--while I put in roughly 7 hours prepping for the 75 minutes of class time today alone, in exchange for a pittance. I chose to teach because I think it's important, needed, and because on those rare occasions in the past when I have gotten through to students, it has been exceptionally rewarding. I have technological skills that pay upwards of $90/hour; I chose not to pursue them because I thought there'd be more happiness in the servitude of teaching.

To see ingratitude and thinly-veiled mockery on the first day was quite grating on already-grated nerves.

I'm writing all this out, and posting it here, in the hopes that shouting it through the megaphone of the internet will allow me to sleep.

[rapid cyclist]

I work at a university, too, a public, though not as a professor. I've known enough faculty, including my wife, to gather that it can be rather disillusioning those first weeks, but that for most it gets much better, often within the first year.

It's our first week, too, and today I saw a freshman wearing a t-shirt that said "I never liked you anyway." I thought it set the wrong tone for the beginning of her first semester. She should at least wait until after midterms.

I hope the depression lifts soon and that the teaching becomes worthwhile once you start identifying the students whose lives you're positively affecting. They can be the ones you least expect in the beginning!

Im sorry you have had a rough time on your first day. Try not to let this influence your whole semester. I hope this has helped you sleep