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#1
Oct 29, 2014, 08:11 PM
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I AM SUFFOCATED BY THEM! Today, I have boycotted all cleaning and work because I can't stand them. They are scaring me...but I am SO much bigger than them! I haven't felt overwhelmed because I have been dancing and singing both alone and with my kids. I'm not a good singer or dancer (
 ) but I have danced and sang to my total perfection. I have had perfection today. But, my house is suffocating me and I need to leave. I could drive to Nashville and sing all the way there! It would be total fulfillment for me! If I suggested it to my hubs he would go berserk, so I won't. He gave me a curfew last night when I asked to go for a drive because he didn't trust I would come home and reluctantly, at least I respected him--he threatened to hide my keys. I do love him very much and I know he wants what is best for me. Sorry for the rant, I had to escape my world and sink into this computer and spew words all over the place because if I start yelling or pacing or talking to myself loudly, it will scare my kids. And that is about where I am. But, at least I am still contained and comprehensible. I am going to have to actually escape soon or I will PANIC and my wind is becoming bigger than my reality. My mind is insane.
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
 Capriciousness, Crazy Hitch, Mountainbard
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 Imah
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#2
Oct 29, 2014, 10:02 PM
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Oh dear it sounds as if you're in a bit of a whirlwind of chaos there.
When do you see your pdoc again? It seems as if your current behavior is causing your husband concern and you may need help. |
| cashart10
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#3
Oct 30, 2014, 12:59 AM
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 Mania can be so much fun! But also scary when we learn to recognize the extremes of the symptoms, and knowing what is on the other end. I really love love love my new meds - ( and I will add them to my signature after this post), but especially Perphenazine (triflafon) really has helped the delusional part of bipolar 1. Oxcarbazepine (trileptal) is for the bi-polar.I hope your come down isn't to hard, and I have not had successful relationships with people who treat my swings as if I am a disobedient child. I hope your family is getting support and counseling maintenance as well. Best of luck to us all.
__________________
BEST OF LUCK TO US ALL!  600 mg Trileptal (oxcarbazepine) 30 mg Atarax (hydroxyzine) 8 mg Trilafon (perphenazine) Bipolar 1 - Borderline Personality Disorder - Generalized Anxiety Disorder - Eating Disorder |
| cashart10
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#4
Oct 30, 2014, 08:47 AM
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Call your husband and tell him your taking the kids to chucky cheese (or similar place) or a bounce house place and take $15 for each of you and $15 for food and then leave all cash and cards at home.
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
| Capriciousness, cashart10
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#5
Oct 30, 2014, 12:19 PM
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Keep at the computer. It can be great at keeping your mind occupied when it's fragmented. You can just look at whatever you want and it stops my irritation. Books, films, music are all too slow when I'm manic. But the net can go as fast as I can. I also paint. That really absorbs all the craziness too. It really helps me focus and is very satisfying. Mind you, the pictures are all a bit disturbing!
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| cashart10
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#6
Oct 30, 2014, 12:20 PM
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Miguel's Mom, going on a bouncy castle when you are manic would be ace. Except you'd probably get arrested. I could totally go for that.
Darvula |
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#7
Oct 30, 2014, 02:45 PM
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I second the painting. Painting is often the ONLY thing I can do in those kinds of states that is not crazy uncomfortable. Talk on the phone???
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| cashart10
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#8
Oct 30, 2014, 08:32 PM
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Quote:
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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#9
Oct 30, 2014, 08:51 PM
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Hey Carshart,
I know your enjoying this ...but .... Please go back and read some of your posts from about a month ago. You started this way and wound up a super hot mess and went IP .. Call your Pdoc now and stop this before your off the rails again  \I know your not going to like me advising this, I'm sorry. I'm not being mean just concerned for you.
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| cashart10
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#10
Oct 30, 2014, 09:23 PM
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Wow...lest we forget! I can't believe that I cycled a month ago...it seems the times of insanity, ha!, come closer and closer together! I am certain this won't happen again though. I have much more control and after a week I have no signs of dysphoria. I just feel...well...like I belong in a musical because I'm pretty sure I do. Music is my healer.
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
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#11
Oct 30, 2014, 09:49 PM
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If you wont call would you allow your husband to call?
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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