[Jen-jen]

How does alcohol affect someone who is bipolar? My dad is on a manic high right now. He has gambled away almost every penny he and my mother had.

He spends days and nights at the casinos, even getting kicked out of two for being drunk. He is calling escort services (I know, his phone is on my account). He says "They are nice girls). My brothers say, "he just wants the company". Yet, he got a prescription for Viagra. Hmmm.

This is all breaking my mother down. How do you stop someone in a manic episode form doing hurtful and sometimes irreparable things?

[Skittles56]

He sounds like me during my last big mania. Just substitute photography for the gambling. I spent over $10,000 on it.

My doctor says that alcohol is an absolute no-no for bipolar people. For me, it made me think I was extra cool while I was manic. Then when the depression hit, it was just to drown my sorrows. Has your father been diagnosed? Is he on medication? It doesn't sound like it. Also, if he is bipolar, the gambling may also be a sign of some kind of obsessive disorder.

There isn't really a good way to break someone out of a manic episode other than getting help from a psychiatrist or a therapist. Then he can get on medication and therapy to help him realize all of the harm he is causing.

Sounds like your family's life is on the rollercoaster ride. I hope your father gets the help that he needs soon.

[Victoria'smom]

Drinking makes my ability to ignore my impulses decrees

[A Red Panda]

Has anyone taken away all the credit/debit cards and hid them on him?

Also - like Skittles said; call the doctor.

Originally Posted by Jen-jen

How does alcohol affect someone who is bipolar? My dad is on a manic high right now. He has gambled away almost every penny he and my mother had.

He spends days and nights at the casinos, even getting kicked out of two for being drunk. He is calling escort services (I know, his phone is on my account). He says "They are nice girls). My brothers say, "he just wants the company". Yet, he got a prescription for Viagra. Hmmm.

This is all breaking my mother down. How do you stop someone in a manic episode form doing hurtful and sometimes irreparable things?

Your father is a legal adult so you can't actually force him into treatment, and it sounds like no one has thus far given him any kind of ultimatums. [Maybe they have, but from the information you have provided I see no evidence of that so I am just going off of what information I have been given]

You can attempt to sit him down and tell him you will start cutting him off from specific supports that you provide to him until/unless he reports to a health professional to address his behaviors.

Examples:
He still has access to the money your mother and him share- if he has been wasting it, she can take action [albeit drastic] and move the funds to a different account that he would not have access to if he is depleting them in this manner.

You can cut off his phone services.

I'm sure there are other things you can do.
These things sound harsh, but his behavior is risky, putting OTHER people at risk and hurting them.

You kind of have to be tough about things at this point.
And that advice is actually coming from someone who is diagnosed bipolar and who has experienced some pretty severe manic episodes themselves.

If you chose not to do these things, what may put the brakes on this might ultimately be:
a natural course in which the mania devolves into a depressive episode
or
he hurts himself by being reckless and ends up in the hospital
or
he does something illegal or [even by accident] hurts someone else and ends up in jail

Those are all pretty viable options.

I'm not trying to scare you, but you can't really tiptoe around when things reach this severity in my experience- as some one with bipolar and also interacting with those who are diagnosed with it.

The alcohol can add to it, but it's really just icing on the cake at a certain point.

If you are manic, you are manic and you will do crazy stuff alcohol or no.

my .02 for what it's worth.

ETA:
He will probably be mad at you for forcing him into a corner with any of these options. it's kind of par for the course. But you can endure that or endure the worse consequences that come eventually- longterm if not now- with doing nothing at all?

[Jen-jen]

Thank you all for your insight. His Dr. has upped his meds hoping to level him out. I have two brothers that, as much as they profess to want to help him, they are undermining everything that I do. Giving him alcohol, telling me to turn his phone back on, etc. Thanks to you guys, I can now see that the tact I was taking was the right one. I feel like I have to do whatever I can to try to stop him from getting in deeper financially, from hurting my mother any more than he already has, etc.
Again, thank you for your advice and if anyone has anything to add, I will be very grateful!

[Jen-jen]

Bear with me, I am new to forums and might be reposting what I already said. Anyhow, I have two brothers that are kind of working against me. I feel that I need to do whatever I can to stop my father from doing any more damage than he already has. ie: turning his phone off, taking his cards away, etc. My brothers on the other hand, are placating him. Handling him with kid gloves in order not to upset him and feel his wrath. I am now the bad guy, which is fine.
So, his Dr. has upped his meds, made him sign a contract saying that he would not drink, would not drive, would take his meds at the same time every day etc. I had to laugh, when he signed it at first, he put a little addendum that said, "when I feel like it".
On the way home, my brother stopped and bought him a beer. Grrr...
My mom tried to take his phone away, he tried to burn her with a cigarette. She did call police but they would not do anything.
Later, I tried to get his phone away. He hit me twice. I called the police (his Dr. advised us to do this as a way to get him into the er for an evaluation) They came, but did nothing.
My daughter and I live in a house on the same property as my parents. As of now, I have until Monday to move. lol....I am not going anywhere.
One of my brothers is staying with them, (an enabler) If my father sees me, he gets irate. Should I keep showing my presence to let him and my brother know that I am there and keeping tabs on what is happening or do I slink away and hide? I know the answer but would like to hear it from someone else that has more experience with this.
I also would like to thank you all for sharing your insight and I must say, I have been reading through the forums and think it is wonderful how many people ther really are that are doing what they can to help others that they don't even know. Thanks again!

You don't have to physically take the phone away, since he's on your account, can't you call your service provider and shut the number down?

Also, you didn't mention your daughter before. Honestly, I would steer clear of any physical interaction with your father at this point, given that it is possible your daughter may become entangled. So, no, don't maintain a presence.

You could still offer assistance and support to your mother from a safe and reasonable distance, but you should maintain adherence to priorities and your daughter's safety should probably be at the top of that list. [I am making the assumption she is a minor an so dependent on you though] Meaning right now she should likely have zero contact with someone as erratic as your father if he's hitting family members.

Sorry if I'm telling you what you already know. I don't know, sometimes I need to see things written out for me in black and white before I realize what I want to do.

ETA:
And also- it's not slinking away and hiding. I think the idea of exposing yourself to continual hurt and abuse based on the idea that someone is ill, therefore not responsible for their actions is pretty silly. Like, they are screwing up because they are manic but you should accommodate abusive behavior?

No, you make an appropriate decision for yourself, which sometimes means extracting yourself from a situation entirely. Self preservation is a natural instinct.

[Jen-jen]

Well...here we are in the hospital. 2 days into the meds. He took 5 norcos and now is unresponsive. Ever Yuri onecwas so damn happy hevwas finally sle eping and not running around doing his manic shenanagins that I guess nobody wanted to wake him up. Now he won't or can't. I don't know.

[Jen-jen]

My Dad finally woke up. He overdosed on painkillers and is now going through the DT's. I can't help wondering if maybe he was starting to stabilize from his manic episode and realizing what he had done, took too many pills on purpose. He has done things that are life-changing and relationship ending.
My questions now would be
1) When he gets off of the high, will he realize what he has done and know that it was wrong?
2) When is the time to discuss all of this? It cant just be ignored.
3) Do we take control of his finances etc. for good or just until he back to "normal"?
4) Am I proactive and call the various casinos and talk to them?
Thank you all so much for your insight.

[Skittles56]

Originally Posted by Jen-jen

My Dad finally woke up. He overdosed on painkillers and is now going through the DT's. I can't help wondering if maybe he was starting to stabilize from his manic episode and realizing what he had done, took too many pills on purpose. He has done things that are life-changing and relationship ending.
My questions now would be
1) When he gets off of the high, will he realize what he has done and know that it was wrong?
2) When is the time to discuss all of this? It cant just be ignored.
3) Do we take control of his finances etc. for good or just until he back to "normal"?
4) Am I proactive and call the various casinos and talk to them?
Thank you all so much for your insight.

Here is my advice. Keep in mind that I am nobody except someone who wants to help. Feel free to ignore it.

1. I was on the same kind of high. When I stabilized, I was crushed by what I had done and went into a year-long depression. I think your Dad will realize what a mistake he made when he stabilizes. What he does with that is a complete unknown.

2. Wait until he is completely stabilized. Make sure you aren't entering the conversation vindictively. Make sure he understands that you just want to help and that you still love him.

3. I think he would take that badly. Maybe you could gently suggest that he let your Mom take care of things until he feels better. I put my wife on a monthly stipend. Even at my worst, I never even considered touching that. You might want to try that.

4. Casinos can only do so much. If they don't know him, the only time they can toss him out would be if he tried to borrow money from the house. Have you thought of something like gamblers anonymous?

Again, take this for what it's worth. You'll get better answers from his therapist or psychiatrist.

[Jen-jen]

Originally Posted by Skittles56

Here is my advice. Keep in mind that I am nobody except someone who wants to help. Feel free to ignore it.

1. I was on the same kind of high. When I stabilized, I was crushed by what I had done and went into a year-long depression. I think your Dad will realize what a mistake he made when he stabilizes. What he does with that is a complete unknown.

2. Wait until he is completely stabilized. Make sure you aren't entering the conversation vindictively. Make sure he understands that you just want to help and that you still love him.

3. I think he would take that badly. Maybe you could gently suggest that he let your Mom take care of things until he feels better. I put my wife on a monthly stipend. Even at my worst, I never even considered touching that. You might want to try that.

4. Casinos can only do so much. If they don't know him, the only time they can toss him out would be if he tried to borrow money from the house. Have you thought of something like gamblers anonymous?

Again, take this for what it's worth. You'll get better answers from his therapist or psychiatrist.

Thank you Skittles. It is good advice.

[A Red Panda]

Honestly, in regards to money.... I would do two things.

1) I would make sure that they each have a separate account along with their joint account. When paycheques arrive in the joint account, most of it should be put immediately into your mom's (enough for all expenses and savings). "Free" spending cash should be left in the joint account, and some of it put into your dad's (and some into your mom's).
2) I would see if your dad would cancel all of his credit cards, and have the only family credit cards put into your mom's name. Then he has no access to them, but if they're needed for family things your mom can do the purchase.

That way he is being responsible for the family's money by not having free access to it. If your mom is responsible with money, then she should really be in charge of it so that he has no way to access them (but leaving the free "spending" money in a joint account is fine, as it's the spending money that it's ok if he ends up blowing it all). He might not like it, but once he's calmed down he should realize that what he did was EXTREMELY risky to your family and that until he has shown a LOT of self-control and a good response to the right meds, he should just not have that access.

I wouldn't discuss it until he comes home from the hospital, because he's in a really fragile place right now.

I agree that there's no point in calling the casinos - they wouldn't do anything anyway, because as long as they get money they don't care. And their employees aren't going to keep an eye out for someone who is going to spend a ton of money.

[Jen-jen]

It is breaking my heart to see him like this. He is so scared and so ashamed. Today was the first time in my almost 50 years that I have ever seen my father cry (when he said he was sorry).

[A Red Panda]

Why not ask him what he wants to do to try and make sure it doesn't happen again?

It sounds like this has definitely been his worst episode.