[dubblemonkey]

is it even possible that I am alive?

after all the damage that has been done I have emerged happy!

what kind of dis-illusionment might I have embraced to arrive at such a place?

or!....is it all very real?

perhaps it's really illusionment...

everything about me has been fear and pain...

suddenly I no longer hurt and I am un-afraid...

there are things in my life I recognise as beautiful and I am so grateful...

I cycle psychotic splendid chaos and yet the overwhelming depression seems to have lifted....

I realise now it is not my fault...it never was my fault how sick I have been...

the diabolical expanse inside my mind has haunted me tumultuous...for so long...

I feel like it has eased off...

just a tiny suggestion of peace and I can run with it forever

I believe I can think I am happy

[dubblemonkey]

see the absence of black!


magic mushrooms



these things nearly killed me



oh marvellous spirit mushy...



...just some random stuff

[dubblemonkey]

ok...
I'm not going to drift on about injuries!

I am sure my body had other plans for me...

and yet here it is...covered in scars and tattoos!

that's the thing...that I get lost in...?

part of me has a plan to destroy me...and everything else?

is exactly why I want to be destroyed...

but life just keeps sneaking up on me...

it's telling me the happiest things...

and yet I still got all these damn scars!

[dubblemonkey]

only someone alive can chat all love...

and I am alive

for a while there I was not!

so much of me is a serious backfire!

so much of me is misread and so much of me is terrible...

so much of me is mis-understood...

so much of me is outstanding!
only the best bits have survived

I have killed off all the worst bits...

I knew something was wrong way before I knew what to do...

I can go here I can go there...

I hold onto life instead of death because there is something beautiful...

[dubblemonkey]

untouchable deeply hurting and senseless!...

no oxygen no gasp works this side of sex

everything is a damage and everything is a pain...

what works now is pure energy and a distinct assault on my senses

I hate my life she is gone

my crazy mind caused a dis-integrate...

she might still be here

but my crazy mind....she ran for her life...

and I must re-assemble all the broken things to make sense...

or?...just fall apart....

break!