Why couldn't I?

So I started up my meds again a few days ago... for what good that did me.

I was seriously considering ODing, but not to die- just to feel numb for a while. But when I got to the crosswalk before my dorm, I saw a speeding car and had the overwhelming urge to get myself hit by it. It was going to hit me, but then my brain froze and i couldn't take the last two steps to be in front of it when it passed.

Then, to avoid the awkward sexual tension between my roommate and her boyfriend, I left to go get a lot of burger king to eat then purge. I'm sitting here with the tear-soaked wrappings now, and it feels like I'm rooted to the chair. I feel so numb but not the good kind of numb where you just don't give a shyte.

Guess if I'm going to be alive for this week's classes, I better finish my homework.

It is always awkward when a roommate has a significant other and they spend time in your room all the time. I've been in both places.

Is there anything stressing you out at school?

It takes time for meds to work so give it a chance. But maybe you need to see your pdoc or T sooner rather than later.
It may seem horrible now but remember that BP is episodic and you will have highs and normal times too.
Hope things start looking up soon.

You've been off your meds long enough comicgeek that you're starting from scratch - it's going to be weeks before they start working. It's why we are advised to NOT stop them when we're feeling normal, because it takes ages to get them back up to a useful dosage. Which isn't usually quick enough to help us when we get into an episode.

Please keep taking the meds and this time, staying on them even when you feel normal.

I hope that you did not purge. That is horrible for your teeth (honestly, that thought prevented me from going down the bulimic route as a kid... so I tend to sorta repeat it to myself a lot).

well, OP didn't stop when she felt "normal" from what I gather. There's other issues, once of them it's not really working for her all that much.

Nevertheless, stop starting is gonna wreck your body and mind. Try to work with doctor on some acceptable solution... but don't stop start anymore. It will not help any. Work on coping mechanisms too, please. For yourself.

My classes are getting overwhelming and if I don't do well this semester I will lose all my funding. Still feel depressed and numb, but also so tired for no good reason. And nauseous all the time. I am still taking my meds, though.

Hang in there. You'll do fine, I'm sure.

Plase don't overdose, you just need your meds stabalized, that normal feeling is the meds working, not looking for a high or numbness but a better way to communicate on a regular basis too.

I'm sure worrying about how your semester is going to turn out isn't helping the stress. And massive amounts of stress JUST from school alone probably has a lot to do with the depression. What classes are you taking?

If you have to get away from your roommate for a while take one of your textbooks and go to the library. I spent a LOT of time at the library the one year I had an awful roommate. It doesn't even mean you have to study the whole time, maybe just browse the random books and sit and read something random for a while. Relaxing in that way would certainly help your stress a little bit.

I'm taking calculus 2, physics 2, Illustration, and Cell Biology. I failed Cal 2 last semester and have to retake it, physics 2 is just ridiculous because my professor has a VERY thick accent and I can't understand a word he's saying.

She isn't an awful roommate, she just occasionally has her SO in the room and I find it very awkward to also be in the same room as them. I also feel lonely since my SO is in another state.

Could you talk to your professors and find out what options there is for tutoring? That may help. I know tutoring helped me tremendously in highschool.

Also, when you are feeling extra lonely and missing your SO why don't you try writing him/her. You don't have to actually send the letters but it might help calm you down.

Well let me just say I'm in awe of you, those are amazing classes! That can't be easy being around them when your SO isn't there, do y'all skype? Seeing each other might help some. Hang in there, you are very smart to be able to take classes like those. And keep up with your meds so they kick in and you get to feeling better, call the dr if they don't.

Damn that is a tough course load! No wonder you're stressed. Take it one day at atone for now. I always found that making a schedule of homework in my planner helped me loads in college. Hell I still do it now in my job. It helps keep me focused and keeps my stress level lower by delegating what I have to do each day.

I'm very glad you couldn't follow through with jumping in front of that car. Keep talking to us and try to do some mindfulness exercises to help you stay focused on the present instead of worrying about the future.

Dude! You should totally skype with your bf when they're in the room if they're doing anything that's not-cool. Get really mushy with him (if he's game for that). I second the idea of writing him handletters sometimes - and Nessa's idea of hanging out in the library or something is great. Plus, if you need to do work and NOT be on things like fb an that all the time.. the library's great.

Definitely sounds like a tough year with Calculus and Physics - but you can do it!

Those are really tough classes. Kudos to you for taking them. If I could have passed calculus I would have been a chartered accountant 30 years ago. Good for you!!
Skype is a really good idea. Do you have yahoo accounts? Yahoo messenger has awesome video too.

I'm much better today. I took a nap yesterday because my meds made me really groggy. Then I did a ton of homework and studying and I think I actually understand physics. Today I'm going to work on costumes with a friend and do some more homework.