Intervention

I need someone to intervene with the terrible life choices I am about to make. I have been off meds for a little over a month now and I am not controlling my "bipolarness" very well. I'm trying everything I can to breathe and push away negative thoughts and when I'm manic I try everything I can to not be impulsive but it isn't working. Right now I'm toying with the idea of dropping out of college... I can't focus well enough during classes. On top of it, I can't afford a pdoc or therapist. I'm so desperate for help right now. I don't want to ruin my life.

It sounds like you've got the insight to know that your choices aren't good ones, which is HUGE. I've spent 2 years just trying not to mess up what I had left after a major episode. Sometimes just doing the bare minimum to stay the course is the best I can do.
What about a health center at your college?

I like to set deadlines that are far away - and then I keep delaying them. "I want to quite college." "Ok - I can quit college after I finish this year." And then it gives you that whole school year to debate about it - and if you did decide you still wanted to, you wouldn't have wasted any money on the courses, and you could just get a year deferral and come back after a year.

Why did you stop your meds? Is there anyway you can get back on them, that is, if they were helping?

Can you voluntarily check yourself into a hospital?

I hope you get the break you need to resolve your concerns. Our kind is so easily overwhelmed. It's a terrible feeling. But what goes down must also come up.

How many classes are you taking? What I have found to be extremely helpful is to step aside from the direction I'm going for just a little bit. When you're not in class, find some activity that will calm your mind, even if it's just a while. I know this probably doesn't apply, but I can take a break and go to my house in the country (that's not what it sounds like, I'm not rich) and work on it. There is always something that needs to be done. Maybe you can find a friend or a relative who needs help with something they are doing. Maybe you can find some side activity through the school that you really like, say working as a volunteer in some organization or something like it. Anything that will derail the mania train for a while. You will probably find that you are much less tempted to radically change the direction of your life. Your manic energy is being directed somewhere else.

Just a thought.

I'm taking 12 credit hours and working two part time jobs, one waitressing and the other at a law firm.

I'm having racing thoughts right now, so I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts.

I'm new to bipolar, so I guess I don't understand it that well. Especially with my cognitive issues.