Rejection from family and friends from your illness(es)

I went severely manic twice 2 years ago at my relatives home and then I had to move out. I miss them and how they would bring me out to eat, include me in dinner time, and going to places. They were my favourite and their kids loved me. They would make me cards and watch movies with me. Now I live in a home that isn't a very good home and I don't have that family bond anymore. I miss being apart of a family and I wish they didn't hate me. I didn't go manic on purpose and I tried my best to be good. My grandmother won't even talk to me and ignores my phone calls. I lived with my grandparents when I was a kid, so it hurts a lot how she ignores me. I lost a lot of my friends from mania and it's hard for me to make friends because of my autism. The main reason why I made this post was because my best friend stop talking to me. I told him I have hallucinations and delusions, but I didn't see this as a problem since he's very understanding and that we were friends for 6 years. He ignores my texts now and I'm so hurt. I feel so ashamed for my disorders even though they aren't my fault. I wish I had my best friend back, I miss him a lot.

How do you cope from the rejection of friends and family? Have you moved on from it? Did they ever forgive you and understand that it wasn't your fault?

I've been very fortunate that I haven't had to deal with a ton of rejection due to my MI. The people that have rejected me I just wrote off. I figured if they cared about me at all they would take the time to learn about my illness. I had one cousin who was terrified of me when she first found out I was bipolar. But we had always been really close and I got her to read some stuff on bipolar and now that she understands it we are fine.

Is there any chance your family would be willing to learn about your MI and try to understand you? My heart goes out to you that you have lost your family over this. I truly hope they decide to open their hearts and understand you and your MI.

Do you have photos? If so make a scrap book of the times you miss including a little caption to each picture, grab a priority mail box, a $1 store stuffed animal for each of the kids and sit down and hand write a letter to each house hold member including an apology. Explain in the end of the letter (of the adults) that you would like to try to re-build your relationship. Under your signature put your #. Put a self addressed, stamped envelope so they can respond via mail. Then send it without a return address. Don't expect a response if you do get a response ask them to go to one of your therapy session with you. If they don't respond back, you tried your best.

I was welcomed back into my family after a serious surgery. Honestly I don't think they would have if turning away wouldn't have looked horrible on their part. It never felt anything like it use to be. It was clear that caring was not unconditional. I don't know if they ever forgave me but that was 14 years ago. A lot has changed since then, there's been a lot turbulence in the relationship. It was really bad the first 2 years then with miles between us and facebook has helped so much but I've never became close to any of my family again. It's solely a superficial relationship now.

I have no idea how I would go about doing so.
Do I just appear at their doorstop and try to explain to them? I would love to be close to them again and have more of a family bond.

I think Miguel's Mom has a good idea with writing to them and explaining you miss them and apologizing.

With my cousin I got her to go to a website that explained bipolar. I told her that if she had any questions to feel free to ask. I invited her to a few of my therapy sessions and told her that she could ask my therapist to explain bipolar. Once she read up on bipolar and we talked about it and how it affects me she had a ton of questions and I just answered all of them honestly. She never did want to go to my therapist with me but just reading up on it and talking to me helped us.

If you wrote to your family and apologized do you think they would be willing to meet you half way and talk to you about you MI? If you are in therapy I'm sure your therapist could recommend some literature that would help your family understand if they are willing to learn.

Actually I was planning on writing letters and sending gifts to my friends that I have hurt in past from mania, it's funny that you mentioned that idea

I don't think the same will do for my family though. I'm not sure what to do for them and there's no way they would do therapy with me. I do family therapy with my boyfriend though since we live together and he likes to put in his two cents of certain matters. I'm very thankful I have him and I always make sure he's appreciated and loved all the time.

I wrote that last response before your's came up. Do you think if I showed them links on my disorders that they would forgive me and understand? I've been planning on showing my mother schizoaffective information to help explain my daily hallucinations. With my mother I'm hoping she will be more supportive. She's been a lot nicer to me (still abusive and neglectful though) and has been asking me how I've been. I think she is being nicer because I am medicated and that I've been getting As in college.

It couldn't hurt to show them. If even one member of your family read it and understood what was going on with you and forgave you I think it'd be worth it. I honestly can't say what they will do though.

Do you think if you can get through to your mom maybe she could talk to the rest of the family?

I don't know if it would help you to explain it to them like this or not but this helped me to get through to my cousin. I asked if she'd be scared of me if i had diabetes and she said no. I said well diabetes is a chemical imbalance in the body. The way my shrink explained bipolar is it's just a chemical imbalance too. The only difference is the chemical imbalance is in my brain. I'm still me I'm still the person you love and that loves you. I'm on medication but there may still be flare ups. Just know it doesn't change who I really am and you know me.

That was basically the conversation we had and then I asked her to PLEASE please read up on bipolar and ask me questions ask my therapist questions whatever she needed to do to wrap her head around it. If there's anything in there that will help you feel free to use it. I really hope your family will take the time to learn about your MI. Good luck with your mom.

I'm not sure if my mom could help with my other relatives. My family is very disliked since my mom used to abuse me and my siblings, but now she's just neglectful. I want to break away from it and show them who I really am. I want them to acknowledge my disabilities without discriminating me.

Also, you're a genius! I feel that quote could help me a lot and maybe that can open the eyes of my family

My family's completely disowned me because of my manic/psychotic episode in '10. I've done my best to make amends, but they're all DONE with me. It's a daily struggle not to call/write/text them...I want their understanding and acceptance so much. BUT, they decided a long time ago, when I first started having problems at 15, that it was not their job to help me in any way. I HAVE to let them go.

I wish families were more understanding. It's not fair for us to be rejected for something we couldn't control. I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you too. They didn't care about me at age 15 when that happened to me. Department of child services had to step in a set things straight, but it didn't help with everything. Maybe they need more time, my parents started talking to me two years ago after they ignored me for 5 years.

You've got nothing to lose by writing a letter to your family members where you explain what you can about bipolar - can you get some brochures or something from the hospital/therapist/coucelling centre? You can always stuff that in the letter too - that explains what it is and what the symptoms are. Do they even know what you have bipolar, or do they just think that you acted the way you did of your own volition?

They know I have bipolar, but they don't understand it since I'm the only one in my family with it.

since I'm the only one in my family with it It took my dad 3 dx'd kids, and a granddaughter to stand up and decide no matter our dx he's there for us.

I don't plan on reproducing so the chances of having family members with my diagnoses are very slim. My mother's side of my family has depression, but most of them don't go to therapy for it and self medicate.

Three guesses that at least one of them is actually bipolar

Its unfortunate and shameful that families turn away from their family members, esp their children but I know it happens all the time and not just to those of who are MI. I am so attached to my boys I couldn't do that to them. I don't understand the mentality of parents who do it. Both of my boys' gfs were practically abandoned by their mothers and it was the mothers who were at fault not the children.

It is not your fault that you have bipolar and it is not your fault that your family turned their backs instead of doing everything to help. You do have to take responsibility for your actions and show true remorse for any harm done.

When my son was in school and struggling everyday and needed help, I did everything I could to get him help, which he did get, but I told a friend, I would have stood on my head and whistled the star spangled banner if that's what it took.

I am so sorry your family and friends failed you. Find a support group and make new friends. nami.org is a good place to find information about support groups.

Maybe! I have a guess on one of them from the family I used to live with. She has depression, but I think she's too young to be bipolar because she's 13. I was never told she had it, they left a medical note on the counter stating she has depression and a prescription for meds. I would have never guessed since she seems so happy all the time, plays sports, has lots of friends, etc.

just a word of advice. I can't seem to find link to the research... but they done experiment... about models of MH. One person told his coworkers they are this way cause of chemical imbalances/something with brain. The other said it's cause of things that happened to him.

Guess who was treated worse? The one that explain he's imbalanced. You may unknowingly be telling others you are really different, out of control and strange, while trying to lessen the stigma.

particularly appropriate thread for me, now! Going thru a lot anyway, personally, with immediate and extended fam, multiple health, relationships, financial issues, etc. So very triggering. Hub is tired of the BP thing and w his pressures and sadness, he is no longer supportive of me as he used to be, which is understandable, to a degree. Yes, over the years, I've lost and damaged relationships with numerous friends and family. I've learned a lot from this, and sometimes have had healing or partial healing in certain, tho not all relationships. Have also had some folks I love with substance abuse issues I ended up having to distance myself from, for a while, due to what I was going thru, and that I was not helping them. It is tough, but hopefully some things will calm down and get better. Some may not, but to try to manage illness and to think positively and to move forward when you can, as soon as you can, is the thing to do, I know. Tho right now, I'm having trouble w it again, myself. And mental health issues alone or exacerbated by life's issues are difficult to handle, and or to fight, but it's the best course of action. Hang in there, and I'll do the same!

I think this is a great idea and worth trying!!! TY for sharing!

It is really hard for one to feel stigmatized in this way, no matter what. Have family who feel this, and also, I myself.

Im sorry that your family has treated you in this way.. In an ideal world everyone... family and friends would be supportive and there for you all the time...

Parents and children have things that tear relationships apart for all kinds of reasons , MI, choice in partners or lifestyle etc.. If you made mistakes whether in an episode or not .. apologize and then let yourself off the hook.. You can't begin to move forward with your life if your beating yourself up over the past .. maybe you can have a relationship again with them all , but maybe you never will , as hard as that sounds its reality .. family and friends can and will come in and out of your life whether there is an identifiable reason or not.

I personally don't expect people to understand my Bipolar nor do I tell everyone about it ...I also dont bring my BP into every relationship I have.

Life isn't fair and people will disappoint each other ... You can't move on and grow as a person if your still emotionally smothering yourself in the past..

I hope you find a way to have peace in your life.

thanks so much for insights, Christina!

My past only visits me in my nightmares. I equate my rejection by all that I ever have known as ignorance. You don't chastise those with mental health issues. After all, they're CRAZY!