medication and shame...

I went for at least 2 years un-medicated...

I can't even remember what I did before that?
some kind of twisted reality...

I always seem to find a way to be regretful

but now it's so much worse...

doped up to the freakin' eyeballs on antipsychotics!

I shake... like there is some profound energy in my limbs...

and so what!

it's the mind the brain the thinking....

too many pills hold me back from losing it from disaster...

and this is what scares me....because I will seek it anyway

my pills tell me it's wrong...

my heart tells me it's right

I can't help it

What does your head tell you?

that is an excellent question

I don't differentiate well between emotional decisions and mental decisions...

I know they collide....

I believe my brain is the reason I buy food and do washing and keep my flat neat....

I know my emotions ride my bike up the street to get vodka and beer.

...I know my brain makes me take a hot shower and have a clean shave...

I know my emotions tell me I better go to hospital sometimes...

but my brain tells me I washed my sheets all clean and comfy so it's better to go to bed....

...and it's my emotions that insist I express every feeling imaginable at once and ...

it's my brain that reminds me I seriously regret that and feel bad

but here I just did a bit of both...

thankyou Miguelsmom for asking it helped