[Victoria'smom]

My sister in-law will be moving in with her son in less than a wk. I found out 2 days ago and she wanted to be here on Wednesday. She needs us right now, and our clinic. She suffers from ptsd and really needs to be around supportive family that will supportive of mental health treatment. The urgency she has tells she's far beyond her braking point. She's like a daughter to us we can not turn her away.

That said She's a walking trigger. Before (4 yrs ago) our personalities clash and we exploded often. Upon visiting it seems to still be similar but who knows. Honestly I was not medicated but I don't want to exasperate both our illnesses. I feel that it would cause her serious issue if myself our my husband became (hypo)manic as being erratic would agitate her issues. She also has a small son. I adore him but kid's are walking germs and quite honestly I always left living situations that children have been introduced. Partially because they are walking infectious points but mostly because I do not believe it is healthy or safe for children to be around me at times, yes this includes my son.

So how do I keep everyone as stable as possible while welcoming two abrasive personalities into our home?

[A Red Panda]

Keep boundaries. Set boundaries. Like maybe agree to meet once a week for X-activity (a games night or something that could have a rotating day and location based upon how everyone is feeling?) Maybe talk about it with her if she acknowledges that the two of you can set each other off? And maybe make an agreement that if someone starts feeling triggered, they will just say "I need to go" and then go home without having questions asked - it can be handled the next day, or not at all.

And buy some child-safe hand sanitizer (baby wipes!) and get that kiddo used to having his hands wiped after EVERY contact he has with his mouth or nose

[Victoria'smom]

A Red Panda- We'll be living in the same home. sanitary wipes and hand sanitize is on almost ever counter, table, & desk in the house but I think it'll be time for the boys to carry it on them.

[A Red Panda]

OH! I did not know your nephew lived with you?! That explains the rest of the post that I wasn't sure about.

Sounds like you've just got yourself a more extreme version of unwanted-houseguest than I have had!

What's the set up of your house like? Can there be a play room set up for the child so that he's primarily located in the bedroom or his playroom? Can you guys set up like... a schedule for various chores while she's there? (I don't know if you would possibly find it aggravating if your guest did none of the chores.... who knows).

Can you plan to go take a walk every day to give you time away from everyone? Walks are usually pretty relaxing too.

[~Christina]

Yikes MM

I think this is really going to test your ability to cope and use boundaries. Can you and her sit done first thing and just make a game plan / rules etc that you are both going to really need to follow so that there isn't a blow out and your stability goes to hell.

Yeah the germ thing , so can relate.. It will probably take time for her son to get use to using it .. Maybe buy one to start with that has a good action figure kid friendly bottle to encourage him to use it.

I hope there is a way to blend them into your home with as little uproar as possible.

[Victoria'smom]

Our lay-out is 2 "small" rooms (enough for a bunk bed, dresser, desk and small play area), small bath, 12x14 master room w. small bath, everything else is an open floor plan.

I think we will divide the master bedroom. Currently we only sleep in our rooms. My son will hang out or play xbox in his room only from time to time. He doesn't want to share his room with a 4 yr old and that's okay. My son can have his own space and we'll have our own space in the same room and be able to keep our own bathroom.

Then her and her son can have their own room. My husband and I are going to have to sit down and plan our own schedule. I'm going to put the boys back into karate so we'll be out of the house for at least 6 hrs a week. I may join there gym too to burn off stress.

I'm hoping things go a lot better then I expect but our life styles and parenting styles just don't match. I just have to remember it's only 6 months.

[BlueInanna]

Big stress not needed. Wow... :/
I agree about the talk about rules, chores, expectations...
4 yr old probably needs to stay out of your room, always. Maybe she should get him out of house for at least a couple hours each day. Planning will avoid future awkward stress. And you cannot let the responsibilities all fall on you. And sometimes guests don't really leave when agreed - remember Lia's hellish predicament earlier this year. Horrible thought for me to have to live with, others than my kids, but it has to happen sometimes. How different are the parenting styles?

[Victoria'smom]

We're trying to find out how to put him in pre-k here. She is use to an upper middle class life, with tv and the latest things. Everything we own has been a christmas, birthday gift or free, we only have basic utilities and internet. We draw, play games and read.

She disiplines her child through empty threats, and occasional hitting (not abuse, like a slap on the hand). We have designated rules, with designated punishments (so we don't over/under react in bad moods), everything else is more natural punishment, but we have taught him laying your hand on another person in a way they don't want is called assault, it's illegal and people go to jail for it. Miguel had a problem with a parent that did the 1, 2, 3...warning stopped then continued to count. He was very mad that she"didn't know what to do after 3" it took all day to explain and I swear to this day he still doesn't understand.

So everything is going to be a big change for everyone. I'm also still a bit angry at her leaving us homeless 2x do to her actions.

[Moose72]

That sounds like you're from two different worlds, doesn't it? The counting thing doesn't work unless there is something that happens at 3! Otherwise, they just ignore you altogether. I never did spank my kids. I tried but they'd just laugh!