[prideandprozac]

Hi I'm Jay I have Bipolar II and I just found out about 8 months ago. Everything I've been reading says that the meds won't 'fix' me and that this is a chronic lifelong condition, but that's the thing. I don't know to what extent they should work.

I just feel like there's something wrong inside me. Like this horrible feeling that makes me want to scream and yell, but when I open my mouth, no sound comes out. For the last 6 weeks, I've been sporadically depressed/agitated.

**This last week, however, I've been in this kind of state where I can't feel anything (like I'm cut off from everything around me). I just feel blocked. Either that or angry about being 'blocked.' I don't know---

Please, does anyone have anything to share? I'm tired of reading textbook symptoms lists & not getting any answers/feedback from my doctor. Thank you!

[MissingMe]

I can relate. I can't really offer answers. But I know how you are feeling. I was diagnosed Bipolar in April. Four different med "cocktails" since then. None make me feel "good". Most make me feel empty. Some do more/better than others. My advice would be to talk to your doc, be honest, and ask about trying something different. I have been told there is no real global "normal" and I just need to find my "normal"; I haven't found it yet, mostly because I have no idea what I am looking for. The other advice I would offer is to look into therapy (if you are not currently in therapy). Therapy can help you figure out your "normal".
Know you are not alone... if that helps.
Good Luck! I truly wish that you find something to fill your empty... something good to feel!

[Melaphant]

I have been undiagnosed all of my life until this month. Therefore, I have been unmedicated. I had times when I felt flat. I couldn't seem to feel happy or sad. I couldn't get excited about things I should be excited about. I just felt like a Vulcan (Star Trek), all logic with no emotion.
The reason I finally had to get help is because I went into a mixed state where I felt like I lost my mind. Followed by rapid cycling. In all of that I was having the same flat feeling as well as the up and down.
For me it has nothing to do with medicine. I can't say anything about how to make it go away only that you are not the only one.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by prideandprozac

Hi

**This last week, however, I've been in this kind of state where I can't feel anything (like I'm cut off from everything around me). I just feel blocked. Either that or angry about being 'blocked.' I don't know---

Please, does anyone have anything to share? I'm tired of reading textbook symptoms lists & not getting any answers/feedback from my doctor. Thank you!

I get a similar feeling, but when I was manic. I had to scream and y ell and yet society told me I should not so I didn't. The cut-off feeling happened when I took anti-depressants: I was totally emotionally numb. Emotions just did not exist for me. It was very odd, but strangely comforting.

I think you should explain your feelings in detail to your doctor. Textbooks aren't always that helpful. There are other books out there that relay experiences of being bipolar in a first-person account that you might relate to more. I, myself, keep a blog about being bipolar, but you might not completely relate as I'm bipolar 1, not 2.

[ultramar]

Are you in therapy? I've found it helpful to talk about the disorder with my therapist, how it and the meds affect me, worries about the future... Therapy can be a great support while you're making this adjustment, to explore what this means for you, how it manifests in you (everyone is different) and also help with other things, psychological issues, etc.

I know it can be hard with pdocs (short appointments and some seem to be seriously lacking in communication and/or social skills), but I would recommend trying to get him out of his coma and communicate with you. Maybe you could bring in a list of questions (it can be hard to come up with them in the moment, we forget, etc.), tell him from the get go that you have these questions, to kind of make sure you get through it and to communicate to him that it's important to you.

You can ask, amongst other things, what kind of expectations you can have with the medications. Knowing these parameters will give you a better idea as to if you might need to consult him for a med change (are they just working as well as they *can* or could they be working better if tweaked?).

But I don't believe that meds alone can fully 'fix' bipolar disorder. Lifestyle changes and therapy can help so much. Most people have some sort of psychological issue or another (or co-morbid issues such as anxiety) and I think that when these things are addressed, they can potentially help with the management of bipolar disorder.

Good luck and welcome to PC!

[Victoria'smom]

I'd talk to your doctor about meds because they maybe making you flat or depressed may be that. I would err on the side of depression. Talk to your therapist about the Dx., medication, and all your fears.

[BipolaRNurse]

Yes, better definitely exists.....you just haven't gotten there yet.

Better is when you wake up in the morning and you don't have to do an automatic ''gut check" to see what kind of mood you're in or what kind of day you're going to have. Better is being able to roll with the punches life throws at you, then get back up and dust yourself off. Better is experiencing the normal ups and downs like other people do. Better is NOT feeling 'bipolar' at all. It's possible. I wouldn't have thought so up until my last med adjustment, but it is indeed possible. You'll get there!