[sweepy62]

Sometimes my h and my mil and the whole world gets me pissed off where I just want to be left alone in my den to read a book or something, I get irritable and agitated at times even if its too sunny outside sometimes, and I am in this phase right now, I am not manic or depressed, Im just &^%$$ irritated, then I feel ok, then I feel bouncy, then I am back to bored as hell then my mind is extremely racey , then aggravated again. My h and I live with my hateful mil, so I tend to isololate , so I am in no ones way, they complain that my mood is pissing them off because I seem angry alot and I dont communicate with them.

I guess I have to go into pretend phase again, and try and smile and communicate a little more without snapping so they can get off my back, because they DO NOT understand the words I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE FOR NOW. Have any of you had to do this? and how did it work out?

[A Red Panda]

Oh I pretend pretty much all the time....

Even when I'm depressed I tend to act closer to how I am when I'm hypomanic... but it's not genuine and once I'm alone on my own I just sorta sink. I don't like people to ask me about how I am and I can't handle the thought of someone ever thinking I'm annoyed with them... even when I am... so it's pretty rare when I don't fake a good mood.

[winter4me]

Your responses seem congruent with your dx. Does your H. understand this?
Are there ways you could use the irritable energy in a positive way for yourself?

I pretend each time I go to work. Mostly. More now than in the past...

[gruvingal]

Yes, I have a smile mask I put on most of the time, even if I feel like crap. I'm learning I don't have to do this. It was part of my childhood that you don't air you dirty laundry in public. Just put on a smile and pretend everything is just FINE. And you know what FINE means!

[wildflowerchild25]

I pretend all the time. It was part of my panic attack on Friday. I couldn't bear trying to act ok when everything wasn't. I'm doing better today - I feel awful, depressed and so freaking anxious but I told my husband so it's not as bad. I don't have to pretend today.

[Moose72]

Often times I just retreat to my room and that's that. I deal with my mood alone.

[fonglai]

I pretend all day at work. When I get home, my poor family suffers because I'm just exhausted from it and I can't pretend anymore. I do my best though. I dread people asking me how I'm doing or how my day is because I have to lie. No one wants the truth.

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[IndieVisible]

I hate pretending because I feel so fake to myself but I do it too. Specially at work. Fake smile, fake laugh, fake this, fake that, I pretend I like people I don't like, IMHO that is real madness. But yea I do it too.

[Phoenix_1]

Almost every day when I'm at work.

[~Christina]

I pretend alot/ most all of the time ... why ? because if I allow myself to just act like I feel I will feel worse ..

One thing to think about it anger and irritability can be a sign of mania. I don't get the happy puppy rainbow mania I get the anger pissed off kind .. So unless you feel like for the most part your at your base line its a good thing to bring up this with your Pdoc.

When and If do reach my limit and everyone and everything yanks my chain I go for a walk .. That helps me 99% of the time.

Are you able to establish any kind of boundaries with your H and Mil ? Everyone need them .

Sorry your feeling this way . I hope it changes soon

[Phoenix_1]

I read that irritability can be a part of depression too

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I pretend with my family who are uncomfortable with mental illness and at work. Sometimes I can't wait to get home where I can just be me. When it is bad I have taken a sick day to avoid all the effort of keeping up appearances.

Things always work out better for others when I pretend, but it is very stressful. Stress is hard on my bipolar so it is a win/lose.

[sweepy62]

Thx Christina yes I set boundaries but they insist on continuing to ask why I'm in this sort of mood. I see my t next. I pretent for a while but even that gets me pissed off . My mil is annoying and nosey even on my good days . I do tell them the way I'm feeling and to leave me alone.

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[sweepy62]

Thanks everyone for your concern and responding.

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[AnxietyGirl916]

All the time...mostly at work. There are some days (usually the ones I have to work at pretending) that I just don't want to hear the "What's wrong with you?" questions.

I pretend as much as possible. I cant pretend with my partner though, he can read me like a book and its quite annoying sometimes cos I do want to pretend.

[Trippin2.0]

Pretending is part of survival. None of us can lead normal functioning lives, working, being a parent or a partner without some level of pretence to make it possible.

[mzunderstood79]

I feel that I am irritated and in a bad mood a lot and like most of you, my family suffers my wrath. I try to play it cool the 2 days that I work but they know about my condition but they don't really know. So, when I get home I let all the stress of my day unfold. I feel ya. Thankfully, I only share my home with my H and children. Not sure I could handle the stress of an in law. Good luck

[jazzyishere]

I have to pretend. I wouldn't make it through the day otherwise. My bf can usually figure it out, but I put on a show for him so he doesn't realize how bad it really is.

i do feel like that, yes. feel like i have to hide.

but that's only because people around me really don't care, and if i ever show how i'mn feeling, it gets nasty.. so yeah, i do.

i always say to myself that i have to wear a mask, and when i'm starting to slip i say the mask needs more glue- actually not my saying, my friend kim came up with it... i just borrowed it

[Manic Trance]

When I am out doing things, working, etc... If I am in a normative moment, I can get really excited and into things and be genuinely very connected and present. The problem is that this normally will lead straight into hypo mania, which will be pleasant for a bit, but then overwhelming, confusing, and then yes I will be irritated, often obsessive about things, angry, and then enervated and depressed and depersonalized. How low it goes depends, sometimes just spaced out depersonalization, sometimes a bleak black depression, fortunately those don't tend to last too long in my case, I spend most of my time sailing...

I try to pretend when I am irritable, overwhelmed, confused, or depersonalized. Honestly I am not very good at it. Right now I am trying to figure out how to manage hypo mania, because it has only been recently that I have started to see it as the other side of that coin, before I saw my hypo mania as a strength, and certainly there are benefits, but I'd like to be able to reign it in a bit. In short, I'd like to be able to pretend more than I do, I'm not good at it.

And yes, being alone, I am so exhausted by being with people all the time, I crave being alone all the time. My wife thinks I want to avoid her and that I don't love our family, it is devastating. If my wife falls asleep putting our daughter down, I'll often stay up cleaning, listening to music, watching TV, reading, working, listening to talk radio, and normally drinking... And I'll stay up into the wee hours of the morning just to be alone, and the next day I'll just say I went to be shortly after her because no one understands that I need 4 or 5 hours of solitudes to let the thoughts slow down, so I actually feel like a person and not just this car without breaks darting around crashing into things all the time.

But it is hard to go without the sleep, and that also leads to hypo mania... So...
Good luck!
MT

[ultramar]

I pretend all the time that I'm not the anxiety-ridden mess I can be; the effort to hide it can be tremendous, but then I think *having* to do this (in the context of work and social situations) actually helps me to be less anxious in a way -plus there isn't time/space to ruminate when I'm forced to put on a public face.

When I'm really manic I tend to not have much insight into what's going on, and I guess in a way I don't see the need to hide it, if that makes any sense. Once I'm more (though not necessarily consistently) aware though (therapist + increasing meds) it demands a great deal of pretending (though I'd say it's more like expending tons of energy on self-control) until it eventually passes.

[Blue_Bird]

Normally I only pretend around people I don't trust or know that well. Now I'm pretending around everyone, pretending I'm happy and everything's going well. After all, it technically should be, it's just me that's messed up. I've decided I just have to put up with it and how I feel doesn't matter anymore.

Yep, I pretend too. My bipolar presents with anger and irritability. So people always used to think I was upset with them. This was kind of a cycle because they'd actually get upset. And this did nothing pleasant for my own irritability.

Nowadays I just raise my eyebrows really high. No matter what the rest of my face is doing (which is sometimes beyond my control), people know I'm trying to to be pleasant. Many times, they'll acknowledge with a head tip and just leave me alone.