[mzunderstood79]

I am pretty sure I have not "been right" since the age 7 which is 27 years. A lot of things changed at 7 including where I lived and my family. The kicker was at 8 which I am not comfortable discussing but I was awakened to my parents fighting in a way I had never seen before. Physical abuse that only happened that one scary night. I was never the same. I got by as my mother drank a lot until I was about 13. I did okay then. When I got my first car at 16 and then wrecked it I was a mess and that is the first time I was put on an antidepressant which I only took for about a week or so. So then I turned to alcohol every chance I had especially on weekends with my friends. I could loosen up and be the life of the party. That only lasted until an incident that was similar to rape but not quite.
Fast forward to 17. I started my senior year just fine. Still had bouts of depression from time to time though. At the beginning of my Senior year of HS I fell in love with the man I knew I would marry. That was in August of 1996. In November of 1996 we were engaged and I started planning a wedding for the summer after graduation.
In February of 1997 my daddy made the comment, I don't care if y'all go ahead and get married. I thought cool. Valentine's Day is Friday. So come that Friday, I was married while still in HS. But I did graduate and I did so with honors. But decided not to pursue a career.
In August of 1997 we found out we were expecting our first child and on Easter Sunday 1998 our beautiful daughter was born.
Motherhood was not what I was expecting at all. I am the youngest in my family and was never really around younger kids much. I had an amazing mother in law that loved her grandbaby a lot. So much so, that she would give us a lot of breaks in that dept.
January 2000 I am expecting again!!
September 2000 we welcomed another daughter and our last child. She had colic and a lot of allergies and acid reflux and it was a lot on me.
Again my mother in law helped so much!!
Fast forward to June 19, 2001.
My mother in law would visit at least 3 or 4 times a week. So on the evening of 6/19/01 she came to get our oldest because well that is what she would do a lot. But she fell asleep and when it was time for MIL to leave she left her and said she would get her another time.
I watched her pull out of our drive and we went to bed.
Next day we haven't heard from her at all and at lunch time we went to see what was going on only to find that she and her husband and been beaten to death and their throats had been split. My MIL had almost been decapitated and beaten in the head much worse than step FIL. She had also been stabbed.
The culprit of this crime?? My husband's step brother.
After two capitol murder trials and about 3 years he is doing life so we don't fear him anymore. We only fear the world. Because until that fateful day, the world was fine.
As you know, also a couple of months later, September 11, 2001, our whole way of living in a free country was destroyed.
I suffered quietly through these events in my life because just like when I was 8 if it is bad we hush hush about it and never speak of it.
Things finally started looking up and then as approached 30 years old in 2009, my daddy suffered his first heart attack and ever since then, I am a total and complete mess. Old issues from 8 years old til now haunt me and I am so sad and mad and hurt and lonely. I went for help in 2010 only to be drugged up and never really diagnosed with anything other than major depression, even though BP, BPD, SAD, GAD, OCD, ADD to name a few were mentioned but never addressed. So after a year of this nonsense I took myself off of everything and tried to cope. Only to suffer for a year from coming off, in silence. Then this year I went to my family practitioner and told her that I was depressed and she put me on Zoloft because it does work for my depression. Then came xanax as home life and caring for my parents became too much. Now I am being treated by her for BP symptoms. I was put on 750mg valproic acid per day along with my other meds. It has been a month and I feel worse. Especially after I had a small breakdown in the grocery store yesterday. So I have an appt. for Thursday to discuss all of this.
Long story short, what do you guys think is wrong with me???

[gayleggg]

I have no credentials, but I would say you have say you may have some PSTD as well as depression. I think you have a lot of deep issues trying to surface. I would think therapy might be a good idea to help you with the stress you are under. Caring for elderly parents is hard. I've been through that and it is not easy. I don't know about all the other possible diagnosis, as a I said I'm just another non educated soul. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Sometimes, in some people anti-depressants cause manic symptoms. Did they diagnose bipolar before treatment with Zoloft? It may be something to ask about.

Sorry for your losses. I wish there was something better I could say. I cannot begin to understand how you feel.

[mzunderstood79]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I have no credentials, but I would say you have say you may have some PSTD as well as depression. I think you have a lot of deep issues trying to surface. I would think therapy might be a good idea to help you with the stress you are under. Caring for elderly parents is hard. I've been through that and it is not easy. I don't know about all the other possible diagnosis, as a I said I'm just another non educated soul. Take what you like and leave the rest.

My husband and I actually saw a therapist after the murders. It didn't seem to help him though it may have helped me because I was trying so hard to be strong for him that I didn't grieve and cry like I needed. I held resentment for that for a long time that I am finally letting go of. I am seeing my doctor Thursday and I will get more in depth with her so that maybe she can refer me to a therapist...Thanks for the support!

[ultramar]

You've been through a lot, to say the least, and have a lot to sort through -I do hope a therapist can help you start to heal and I'm glad you're getting referred.

I really would recommend also getting a referral for a psychiatrist. Frankly, GP's are not always so well-equipped to treat psychiatric/psychological issues, and you might be in better hands with a specialist (pdoc), who may also be able to narrow down diagnoses. Of course we can't diagnose here, impossible to say. Best of luck to you.