[IndieVisible]

Well first I was diagnosed with major depression that was back in 87, then it was upgraded in 89 to bipolar which I questioned from the start. I never get fully manic, at best hypomania, but heres what makes me doubt even bipolar II. Yes I do get hypomania but in no where near the time frame of cycles indicated in the DSM IV. I may get mixed episodes, depressed episodes, and no episodes some times even 2 to 3 years apart. Just doesn't seem to make sense. Also, I get intense paranoia at times, and I do get delusional, and have hallucinated. The hallucinations are few and far apart been happen in the form of auditory outside of my head voices, tactical, feel like some one is touching me, very rarely visual. So I have absolutely no idea what to make of all this and my pdocs refuse to change my diagnosis, well one was considering BPD but I laughed, asked me whats so funny. I said I'm almost 99% sure I'm not BPD, I am not needy, clingy over emotional or sensitive, have no abandonment issue, no self harm or suicidal, and my moods can last for a week or two. He agreed prolly not but bipolar stays in my records. I just don't think that's a good fit either. Honestly I don't think I fit in any of the disorders, I may be a new one

[ultramar]

Do you feel that the treatment you're on (whether medications and/or therapy and/or self-help) is helping you enough? If not, then I would try to revisit the issue with your pdoc. It sounds like you have lots of perfectly legitimate concerns --I know people always suggest this, but a mood diary might help to bring into pdoc and also documenting the other experiences you have (hallucinations, etc.).

Of course not everyone neatly fits into a diagnosis and I think sometimes pdocs, because of this, sometimes aren't sure themselves and live with the uncertainty because they know we're all different and how difficult it is to make complex diagnoses. It sounds like you guys aren't on the same page, so hopefully communication will improve and some things will become clearer. But, as I say, treatment is the most important thing, at the end of the day, if it's helping, to what extent, what changes may need to be made, etc. Best of luck.

[Victoria'smom]

Are you sure your not just getting disphoric (hypo) mania? There only needs to be one mania whether euphoric or disphoric to be dx'd bipolar. A lot of us have different meanings of (hypo)mania and mixed episodes and so do our pdocs. A couple weeks ago my posts led to a thread of whether or not my mixed symptom's were severe enough for hospitalization. When I just viewed them as vaguely out of character but at times my therapist was very concerned as was this board. Could that be happening to you ? Your pdoc wants to keep that DX for a reason. Did s/he say why? Each of us have very different symptoms. I very quickly become paranoid , and delusional, but hardly ever actually hallucinate. I would honestly next time you see pdoc ask very directly why s/he thinks BP ?

[IndieVisible]

Oh I fit most of the criteria all right, it's mostly the duration and frequencies that puzzle me as there is no pattern whatsoever. I mean how can I go 2-3 years with nothing then be all over the map then off and on every other month, it's just so unpredictable and doesn't seem to fit the time frames I've read about. Everyone else seems to be more patterned and predictable. Yes I remember your thread