[Trippin2.0]

So... first of all rant disclaimer:
I'm going to spew whatever comes from my fingertips and its not directed at anyone in particular. Anyone feels offended, don't make your problem mine.

Three or four days ago I emerged from a hellish episode that lasted about a month. Idk wtf it was, I was depressed, agitated, aggro, suicidal, energetic but motivationless. Had thought loops for hours on end, day after day, images of stabbing myself in the thigh and this conviction that slicing myself open would allow the pain to escape then disappear.

The bp episode triggered a bpd episode and I went batshit on my bf and broke up with him twice, and by the grace of God (or utter stupidity) he decided to stick around...

I thankfully, with the help of my big sis here ((((((Christina)))))) at PC managed to stay safe and not do anything stupid. So I guess I emerged unscathed

It was hell, knowing as soon as I opened my eyes it was a shytti day, even moreso when I thought I was having an ok day and the ground suddenly caved beneath me without warning or provocation... I so badly wanted to post at times and reach out to someone who understood ME, not the bp, but most my cyber friends and family don't hang around this board much, so it would've been a futile exercise at best.

All posting would've gotten me would be replies about why I should be medicated up to my eyeballs because none of the regulars have been a part of my journey thus far and have zero idea as to how I cope and the type of support I need. Which in turn would've made me feel even more alone and hopeless.

I miss my sisters, Anika, Blue, Faerie and my cyber mommy Roadie. I miss the old times when this forum was filled with a fighting spirit that is still unmatched, when there were threads dedicated to cheering members on through their struggles, wisdom exchanged on how to obtain a good quality of life. I miss the old members like Hammy and Sunangel, purpledaisy, Moremi and so many others who've drifted away and moved on.

All I sense when reading through threads these days is defeat.

It saddens me and it quite off putting to be honest.

Nobody really discusses how to beat this beast beyond "take your meds and talk to your T", like our healthy hedonism thread of old. And when someone does dare offer any type of guidance, its dismissed. Maybe its too hard? Maybe its unappealing? But then why post if you don't seek assistance?

Maybe people just want a place to moan... A blog is more suitable IMO.

People post about suffering and while empathy is lovely, its not a survival skill or coping mechanism.

I miss the good ole days when this forum was my safe haven.

I miss feeling safe here, and I doubt I ever will again. Its been months since I posted regularly, regardless of my mental health status.

End rant

[~Christina]

Trippin Sis,you are very welcome ! You have many times yanked me out of a downward spiral , shown me ways to dig, fight and claw my way back up ....

I agree this fourm use to be kickass slap Bipolar in the face shove it outta the way or walk over it and get on with your day.

I personally learned so many coping skills and heaps of natural ways to help myself body mind and soul.

Maybe it's just the time of year that can often topple people over mood wise. I will not be toppled over this time around . I refuse to allow it.

I would love to see some of the ole timers back around , the forum buzzed with excitement ... I think it will return in some form or fashion , I hope .

I hope everyone can just read a thread and add something positive .. Or I might start fling Lemons

[A Red Panda]

I get it Trippin'!

Sorry that I haven't really been all that available myself lately.... but I do love it whenever it is we get to chat.

And I am super glad that you're feeling better!

I know I'm by far not an old regular seeing as I just joined in the spring... but I do see what you're talking about and I've noticed it myself.

In fact... I've tried multiple times to start things that WERE more positive and had a few angry posts thrown at me for daring to be optimistic!

I haven't been posting as much lately either.... but I try to not post too much when I am depressed, because I guess my depressed-brain doesn't see the point in it, and I don't like focusing on my negativity. I get why a lot of other people need to express things, to feel like they aren't alone. I guess I've just already sorted that out for myself - I know I'm not alone in my depressions, and I know that they'll pass, and I know a lot of things to do for myself to help keep it manageable.

And a lot of the time.... I just hope that others will be able to learn some of those things as well. I try to help out when I can, if someone is wanting advice.

It's nice to see you posting again though!!!!

[medicalfox]

This thread reminded me of my friend. He's going to school to be a psychiatrist and honestly I wish he was my psychiatrist. He's so helpful and very intelligent, I actually feel a little out placed since he's much brighter than me and doesn't have a very warm personality, but a calm professional one which is odd at our age (low twenties). He told me he will only prescribe meds to his patients if they are exercising. I asked him about taking a certain med before and he said start running instead, so I have and found that I didn't need that other med. Exercising releases natural chemicals in your brain that help with mood and if you're active enough you may not need to take meds. He says less people would need meds if they exercised daily and not just by walking, but actually exercising like running. If everyone on this forum vigorously exercised daily less people would be manic and/or depressed, but not everyone likes exercising which is a shame.

[~Christina]

Sounds like a fabulous idea ... all we need is to exercise and we will be better and just maybe take less meds even if someone is for or against medications ?

No. What about people who are unable to because of physically limitations? Will this guy treat someone like that ? what if someone meditated daily and was able to do yoga ? Does he agree that those 2 things would qualify "exercise "???

I wonder how he will feel once he is a Pdoc and he has actually patients under his care .

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Trippin )))))))))))))))

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Zabine

I think a lot of the people here are great. Sorry we aren't kick *** enough for you.

Really??? REALLY?

If you were trying to be supportive, you would've tried typing something about me instead of going on the defense.

Eg. "I'm really sorry you have not felt safe here during such a trying time"

What I get from your reply is " sorry I / we are not good enough", whine, defense, me, me , me... which means that I have probably stepped on your toes somehow.

Please read the last line in my disclaimer, thank you.

[Trippin2.0]

There's a disclaimer in my OP for a reason.

Please people, if you feel insulted by this thread it is obvious you know absolutely nothing about that which I speak of. If you are not going to attempt support, you will be thoroughly out of your depth as I speak from a time in the before from the long long ago...

Instead of trying to call me out do us both a favour and don't pollute my thread. My thread, my needs, my rules.

Keep calm and move on.

Thank you

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for this thread Trippin

and for expressing your needs clearly (something I struggle with at times).

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by Zabine

I think a lot of the people here are great. Sorry we aren't kick *** enough for you.

She isn't saying that people aren't great.

What she is saying is that she misses the people who used to be here, because she got to know them. She's saying that she misses optimism and positiveness - that isn't saying that other people are horrible. It's saying that the majority of the board is currently stuck in horrible depressions where they aren't able to see or focus on anything positive. And that it is currently pretty much all that is being seen here. And that's alright too.

It's alright for people to come here and need reassurance and empathy. But it's also alright here for people to want to come and find some hope.

I relate to Trippin on this - I don't really find too much hope here currently. There is probably a lot of hope (and I hope there is) for people who are needing/wanting reassurance and empathy.

As to myself? I just want to hope that things can be good and alright with us all. I want to be able to focus on good things and not be shot down for it - I haven't posted too much at all since that happened to me a few weeks ago.

To use myself as an example to illustrate what I think Trippin is getting at:

A while ago I started a thread asking people to list the things they LIKED about bipolar.

And do you know what happened? People came into the thread and yelled at me and said that I was insulting everyone who was depressed. Which I wasn't. I just wanted to focus on the good things, instead of focusing on the negative and frustrating things that we all get dumped with all the time anyway. Hell, I've been in a depression since July. I just wanted to do something to cheer myself up, and to hopefully maybe cheer up others too. And I basically got yelled at and insulted.

[Trippin2.0]

Zabine, why do you edit your replies to "mmmmm"? Have you changed your mind about what you said or covering your tracks so it looks like I'm just in attack mode should this thread be reported?

Look. I didn't post to attack anyone, the reason there's a disclaimer is because I read here everyday, I see how easily some people get offended or triggered or whatever.

Like Red said, this post was not about insulting anyone, it was about ME. My needs, the people I miss, people I have come to know very well over the years. People who understood me and MY journey and how I could've used their brand of help this last month, instead of the generic DSM version. Its about how I am struggling with the changes on the forum, how I am not adapting and feeling unsafe because of it.

I wasn't out to hurt anyone's feelings or tear anyone apart like you so aptly put it.

You chose to perceive my thread that way, and its something you need to deal with

[A Red Panda]

Zabine, I wasn't attacking you. And I didn't see that you had edited your post until after I had posted mine - I was obviously typing it while you were editing yours.

But again - I did not attack you. I reinforced my own interpretation of what Trippin was saying, and was in fact emphasizing with her.

[gayleggg]

I think we all need to take a step back and realize no offense was meant. I've been depressed for a year now and I this week I finally feel it lifting. I have received here empathy, kudos, wise words and very good suggestions. But it takes meds to pull me out, but I am encouraged when I hear positive stories from people who are not taking the medication highway.

I'm relatively new here, but can understand sadness regarding missing some that have left the forums. I'm sure that a lot of friends are made here. I know there are people I would miss if they left.
I can understand what Trippin2.0 is saying and will be glad to see more posts from her that show us the power of positive feedback and great ideas or just to ramble. Everyone has something to offer. Some need empathy, others need hope. I hope everyone is will together to make it even a greater place to share.

Thank you for sharing you feelings with us, Trippin2.0

[Confusedinomicon]

I get it.

Those times helped in recovering myself from an illness. I wouldn't be functioning as I am if it weren't for all of the positive advice we gave one another. The best advice was differentiating yourself from the illness itself.

Also in NO way has trippin made this rant about taking meds verses not taking meds. She has never admonished ANYONE for taking medication and has only stated it didn't work for her. It is not about medication. It has -nothing- to do with it. Its about looking at yourself and taking responsibility for what you can and working on building skills that will help you succeed in your own terms. Plenty of the people she adores takes medication.

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Sounds like a fabulous idea ... all we need is to exercise and we will be better and just maybe take less meds even if someone is for or against medications ?

No. What about people who are unable to because of physically limitations? Will this guy treat someone like that ? what if someone meditated daily and was able to do yoga ? Does he agree that those 2 things would qualify "exercise "???

I wonder how he will feel once he is a Pdoc and he has actually patients under his care .

Yoga isn't exercising...it's somatic stretching. If you were to do dynamic stretching (ie. Jumping jacks) that qualifies as exercising. You took my response way out of context, any physician would recommend exercise if the patient was able to. No one obviously would recommend running to a quadriplegic. Do you even exercise? I don't mean walking around the block, but legitimately exercise?

[Victoria'smom]

trippin',
I've miss you, sorry you had such a ****** time and we where not here for you. It saddens me because you've always been here for me and many, many others. I'm really, really glad that Christina could help. Thank-you so much Christina.

I thank-you for posting this because I didn't realize that others have shied away. I just thought everyone was really busy and to know why is really helpful. I know I've been lurking more. I think unfortunately we're all in crappy places and we tend to forget coping mechanisms when there. I do appreciate reminders of coping mechanisms but have always had difficulty with separating what's a general life and what is coping mechanism (besides when it comes to relationships).

I know most of us are entangled in the mental health system which heavily advocates medication, therapy, and hospitalization. Which tends to take our former coping mechanisms, and bipolar and say they are bad and we should rely on meds and therapy. Though discouraged I rely and trust PC to help me. I do always suggest therapy. We do need to get back to an encouraging tone and focus on the good because it does help.

I love you trippin, I'm glad you got through this and your boyfriend stuck by you.

MM

[Moose72]

Its November and we're all seeming to have a hard time. HUGS to everybody.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by medicalfox

Yoga isn't exercising...it's somatic stretching. If you were to do dynamic stretching (ie. Jumping jacks) that qualifies as exercising. You took my response way out of context, any physician would recommend exercise if the patient was able to. No one obviously would recommend running to a quadriplegic. Do you even exercise? I don't mean walking around the block, but legitimately exercise?

I apologize if I came off snarky or whatever word you want to insert here. That post came off to me like a blanket statement to me , my perception .

Do I exercise ? Yes when I can. No when I am not able to. I use to be a gym rat 4-6 hours a day 6 days a week .. Life happened... Fibromyalgia happened and I can't do that anymore .. But I do what I can when I can.

I would just personally not care for a doctor that would push push the exercise point at me.

But this is just my opinion.

[Moose72]

Exercise is good for you. But if they are more worried that you'll take your meds, they'll deal with priority number one. If you happen to exercise, great. Just don't over-do it. I think walking counts, too.

[Fuzzybear]

I find it encouraging that people are allowed to express their opinion here

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I apologize if I came off snarky or whatever word you want to insert here. That post came off to me like a blanket statement to me , my perception .

Do I exercise ? Yes when I can. No when I am not able to. I use to be a gym rat 4-6 hours a day 6 days a week .. Life happened... Fibromyalgia happened and I can't do that anymore .. But I do what I can when I can.

I would just personally not care for a doctor that would push push the exercise point at me.

But this is just my opinion.

That's quite excessive, all you need is at least 30 minutes a day. If you walk a good pace for 30 minutes that's adequate exercise for low impact, just walking around the block is not though (unless your block takes 30 minutes to walk around).

"If you have fibromyalgia with painful tender points, deep muscle pain, and fatigue, exercise is probably the last thing on your mind. Yet did you know that exercise may be just what the doctor ordered? Whether it's daily walks, stretching, swimming, yoga, tai chi, or Pilates, low-impact exercise programs can keep you fit in spite of your fibromyalgia and may help reduce pain as well".

"Gradually she worked up to walking to the mailbox and back, and then to more steady exercise on a treadmill. Today, she credits exercise with playing a big role in improving her fibromyalgia pain."

You can find a lot of information on wedmd.com

[ultramar]

Trippin, I've missed your presence here, I've always appreciated your directness and honesty. And I admire everything you do to help yourself, get through life, and *enjoy* life, with everything you struggle with, without medication. I choose to take meds, but have no problem with people choosing not to. I'm sorry you've been going through such hell.

I think people post different types of things at different times, depending on mood, inclination, relationship with poster, triggers, whatever. A lot of people seem to be struggling at the moment. I admit that I too am concerned about what I see as a kind of kneejerk go-to solution in response to people's posts about how they're struggling to call pdoc about changing meds; I think meds are not the issue at a given time often enough to at least keep an open mind as to other options. Though I almost always recommend therapy; I think it can help with things that medication can't, etc., etc.

I'm not proud of all of my past posts -have learned from this, though, and moved on -though I don't know if that's the case for all others (or if anyone cares either way for that matter). But my hope, my positive, when it comes to BP, is celebrating (and dealing with) who we are outside of it, which is most of who we are, and getting to know ourselves well enough to know what's not the disorder: all those wide open spaces in our lives and our relationships and our experiences that aren't marred or contaminated by symptoms and labels and medications, and etc. So this is what I post about a lot -these days.

I'm sorry you're not feeling safe here. Maybe there's a mourning process of what is no longer here -previous members and a dynamic that inspired you that you feel is no longer here (or at least not lately). I hope you have safe places to share and be positive, elsewhere, and with the friends you've made here.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

So... first of all rant disclaimer:
I'm going to spew whatever comes from my fingertips and its not directed at anyone in particular. Anyone feels offended, don't make your problem mine.

Three or four days ago I emerged from a hellish episode that lasted about a month. Idk wtf it was, I was depressed, agitated, aggro, suicidal, energetic but motivationless. Had thought loops for hours on end, day after day, images of stabbing myself in the thigh and this conviction that slicing myself open would allow the pain to escape then disappear.

The bp episode triggered a bpd episode and I went batshit on my bf and broke up with him twice, and by the grace of God (or utter stupidity) he decided to stick around...

I thankfully, with the help of my big sis here ((((((Christina)))))) at PC managed to stay safe and not do anything stupid. So I guess I emerged unscathed

It was hell, knowing as soon as I opened my eyes it was a shytti day, even moreso when I thought I was having an ok day and the ground suddenly caved beneath me without warning or provocation... I so badly wanted to post at times and reach out to someone who understood ME, not the bp, but most my cyber friends and family don't hang around this board much, so it would've been a futile exercise at best.

All posting would've gotten me would be replies about why I should be medicated up to my eyeballs because none of the regulars have been a part of my journey thus far and have zero idea as to how I cope and the type of support I need. Which in turn would've made me feel even more alone and hopeless.

I miss my sisters, Anika, Blue, Faerie and my cyber mommy Roadie. I miss the old times when this forum was filled with a fighting spirit that is still unmatched, when there were threads dedicated to cheering members on through their struggles, wisdom exchanged on how to obtain a good quality of life. I miss the old members like Hammy and Sunangel, purpledaisy, Moremi and so many others who've drifted away and moved on.

All I sense when reading through threads these days is defeat.

It saddens me and it quite off putting to be honest.

Nobody really discusses how to beat this beast beyond "take your meds and talk to your T", like our healthy hedonism thread of old. And when someone does dare offer any type of guidance, its dismissed. Maybe its too hard? Maybe its unappealing? But then why post if you don't seek assistance?

Maybe people just want a place to moan... A blog is more suitable IMO.

People post about suffering and while empathy is lovely, its not a survival skill or coping mechanism.

I miss the good ole days when this forum was my safe haven.

I miss feeling safe here, and I doubt I ever will again. Its been months since I posted regularly, regardless of my mental health status.

End rant

I am only new but I have noticed the trend here too, that everyone says to turn to meds and docs for even the mildest of symptoms(?). I was hoping when I came here to find new ways to cope that didnt involve turning to meds. And some posters (some of those you have mentioned plus a couple more) have been extremely helpful, but they are by far the minority.

It feels like so many people blame everything on bipolar, "Oh Im sad, must be the bipolar" "I cant help it" there is a helplessness here which is starting to bring my enthusiasm down. I notice people react aggressively when someone points out an obvious flaw in their thinking or behaviour patterns. I feel like I am being judgemental when I see posters who do nothing to improve themselves and just give in to their emotional responses.

I do think this is still the best subforum on this forum, I search old threads in this part to get more information about things I am not comfortable making threads on and there is a wealth of experiences and information.

I am so glad you got through the hard times with the help of your online friends. Thats what places like this are for. Well done for getting through it all, that is a great achievement and you should be proud.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by medicalfox

That's quite excessive, all you need is at least 30 minutes a day. If you walk a good pace for 30 minutes that's adequate exercise for low impact, just walking around the block is not though (unless your block takes 30 minutes to walk around).

"If you have fibromyalgia with painful tender points, deep muscle pain, and fatigue, exercise is probably the last thing on your mind. Yet did you know that exercise may be just what the doctor ordered? Whether it's daily walks, stretching, swimming, yoga, tai chi, or Pilates, low-impact exercise programs can keep you fit in spite of your fibromyalgia and may help reduce pain as well".

"Gradually she worked up to walking to the mailbox and back, and then to more steady exercise on a treadmill. Today, she credits exercise with playing a big role in improving her fibromyalgia pain."

You can find a lot of information on wedmd.com

I don't suffer from fibromyalgia, but a different chronic pain condition. It is enormously difficult for anyone who has not experienced the utter hell of your body screaming out at you in agony, to fully comprehend it. Like Christina, there are times when, if given the choice, I'd take BP instead of this pain --it really is that bad.

The clinical information on WebMD does not describe the real life experiences -for example, that with each and every movement of the body there comes excruciating pain (at least in my case, when it's at its worst).

I appreciate you trying to help, which I really think is your intention, but in some cases, you just don't know until you've experienced it; treatment and what is even possible differs with each person and this is where very general (not individualized) treatment recommendations on websites is not going to capture everyone's experience, or appropriate treatment.

I appreciate your intention to help --there are things that are, unfortunately, incomprehensible unless you've been there (or are a rheumatologist or pain specialist, etc.).

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by medicalfox

That's quite excessive, all you need is at least 30 minutes a day. If you walk a good pace for 30 minutes that's adequate exercise for low impact, just walking around the block is not though (unless your block takes 30 minutes to walk around).

"If you have fibromyalgia with painful tender points, deep muscle pain, and fatigue, exercise is probably the last thing on your mind. Yet did you know that exercise may be just what the doctor ordered? Whether it's daily walks, stretching, swimming, yoga, tai chi, or Pilates, low-impact exercise programs can keep you fit in spite of your fibromyalgia and may help reduce pain as well".

"Gradually she worked up to walking to the mailbox and back, and then to more steady exercise on a treadmill. Today, she credits exercise with playing a big role in improving her fibromyalgia pain."

You can find a lot of information on wedmd.com

Thanks for your information.. I am probably more informed about Fibro than most any doctor is so I have done the research .

I do not want to sully Trippin's post over an exercise issue that is not what her thread is about.

Thank you though.