[icinggurl]

I hope this makes sense. I'm so sick I can hardly thin. I have had chronic stomach illness for about 2 years now. It's getting much worse and now they think it's a gallbladder thing. I'm now house bound and spend most of the day lying on the floor because it's the only symptoms relief I get. I've had a lot of tests/scans and now I'm just waiting to hear the results from my doc. On top of that, my dad's neurologist thinks he has Alzheimer's (he's still getting tested too) and his behavior has been very bizarre. It's been awful. There are other family stressors etc., but it's the stomach crap that has beat me down. I try to push through my normal activities, but now I'm just too sick. People are jerks and I get the impression that no one even believes me anymore when I explain that I can't do whatever it is because I'm sick AGAIN. The other day as I was laying on the floor I thought, I'm done with trying to function while being so sick. I can't push through it anymore. If I feel like barfing, I'm laying down and screw everyone else. I'm doing everything I can to get this problem figured out and treated, but for now I'm just sick. Even though all this is physical, I'm afraid of going manic overnight from all the stress. I've heard it can happen that quick after a really stressful event.

I had my first manic episode about 6 years ago. It was the agitated and violent mania and not the euphoric one. The year before that happened was full of huge life stressors and when I got fired from my job I remember going to bed and thinking, I give up. I stayed in bed for 3 months and then had another traumatic experience and went full blown manic really quick. It was TERRIFYING. I've always wondered if the mania was somehow my fault because I chose to give up. I know in my head that there were genetic tendencies, etc, but it still bothers me. Does anyone have any thoughts/ideas/experiences?