[jesusplay]

RIght now I'm almost euphoric, I wanna laugh I feel amazing, at the sametime I want to die, I want to kill myself, I just smothered myself twice with my pillow but I can't kill myself. I attempted last year. Without alcohol in my system I know I wont kill myself.

I see no point in me going to a hospital because I concious can't kill myself

but I have all these thoughts about dying different plans, I want to yell, I'm laughing. I don't know what's going on in my head lol

headache, so much noise in my head, I feel seasick, I've been balled up in covers all day and haven't left the hosue

[IndieVisible]

I think some times we forget that every one has ups and downs and even moments like this one and focus too much on the moment, me included, and wonder, doubt, and try to reason why we feel like we do at that time. I often doubt I am bipolar until some thing undeniable happens. Or I wonder if I'm some thing else because I'm focusing to much on particular traits in one frame of time and not looking at the big panorama picture. For example, I was thinking I might be Borderline too because it appeared I had some of the traits, I was convinced because I observed a bad day I had that resulted in resemblance to some BPD traits. So for the next month I focused on that and well a ant hill became a mountain. I forgot to look at the big picture which is I can go weeks, months and some times years almost perfectly normal or close to my baseline. I really think when we have moments of doubt or questions we should read our journal and if we don't have one, start one.

[BipolaRNurse]

Originally Posted by jesusplay

RIght now I'm almost euphoric, I wanna laugh I feel amazing, at the sametime I want to die, I want to kill myself, I just smothered myself twice with my pillow but I can't kill myself. I attempted last year. Without alcohol in my system I know I wont kill myself.

I see no point in me going to a hospital because I concious can't kill myself

but I have all these thoughts about dying different plans, I want to yell, I'm laughing. I don't know what's going on in my head lol

headache, so much noise in my head, I feel seasick, I've been balled up in covers all day and haven't left the hosue

Have you thought about the possibility that you are having a mixed episode? I've had a few like that and they are hell on wheels. Please call your pdoc or go to the ER, you sound pretty desperate to me. Take care.