[jenninwonderland]

My boyfriend has been in a manic episode for 4 weeks now. He's had 3 separate overnight ER visits & was inpatient for 10 days due to delusions and bizarre thinking. This is his first manic episode. He was not previously diagnosed with BP so this is all very new to us. I am also bipolar & borderline, however after years of therapy I for the most part have my disorders under control.

So, boyfriend is very happy and very different. He went from being this incredibly smart, headstrong leader kinda guy to this very needy person. He can barely be alone and I have to check on him constantly. He takes his meds however he thinks he should and he does whatever he wants regardless of what anyone else wants.

I have spent the past 4 weeks doing nothing, but taking care of him. I had to take a leave of absence from senior year of college and I had to quit 1 of 2 jobs, I'm behind on all our bills and the stress is building too high.

Let's go back to the needy stuff.. This is what happened today. I work in retail. Tonight was a particularly hard night at work. I came home and all I wanted to do was lay in bed alone. All I asked for was 5 mins alone and he refused to let me have it because "he loves me and we can have space and alone time together".
If he doesn't sleep, he makes me get up with him. It doesn't matter if I have school or work or my own doctors appointment if needs me I HAVE to do whatever he wants or freaks out. He tells me he loves me every time he leaves the room in addition to the every 10 mins he says it when we are in the same room. I had to start locking the bathroom door because he would just walk into the bathroom regardless of number I was making. Now he sometimes stands out outside the bathroom asking if I'm OK. He also has no sex drive what's so ever.

I'm probably just an asshole for being annoyed at him while he obviously isn't right, but it's too much. His family only barely helps and most of our friends have bailed because they suck. I'm pretty much doing this alone.

I've been asking in forums every where if he will ever go back to the way he was, or for anyone who understands but no one ever replies. Idk, maybe this whole posting is stupid and I should just suck it up.


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[monochromatic]

I'm guessing he feels so needy because he's self conscious about being manic and diagnosed. I know that going through my diagnosis, I feel completely turned inside out and vulnerable. I'm working really really hard to not ask those around me if they still love me, if I'm frustrating them, if they're getting sick of me, because of my bipolar symptoms. I'm just so afraid that being broken means that everyone else will think I'm too much work and peace out. And then being needy makes me more afraid, because I can feel those around me feeling frustrated. It's really a terrible cycle.

Could you maybe sit him down and let him know he's safe, you love him, that's not going to change even though he's got this going on now. Tell him that him being bipolar doesn't affect you, but tell him the things that ARE affecting you are x,y,x. Talk to him together about some strategies you guys can implement so that you both feel safe and sane.

For example, when I feel that urgent NEED to talk about something I remove myself from the room and write/meditate for half an hour. If I still need to talk about it I will, but most of the time it passes and I realize it was just a symptom. Boyfriend is a lot happier because I'm not talking about our relationship all the time, and I don't feel guilty and apologetic afterwards.

I don't know if this is helpful, but it's just an idea.

[Victoria'smom]

In the past month he has spent half of it in hospitals. It sounds like he needs a partial hospitalization program with an night time intensive outpatient program, even if it's just to give you rest and peace of mind for a couple of hours. You can't handle this on your own and if he had the ability to see more clearly he would tell you that. Think about when he was well what he would want you to do.