[tigersassy]

I'm getting things together for my pdoc appt and found my discharge slips from all 3 hospitalizations. First one (May 2007)diagnosed me with with PTSD which makes sense. Second one (April 2009)deferred diagnosis but noted something about cycling mood disorder. The third one (May 2009) put MDD, recurring severe.
I'm wondering what caused the second dr to put that note on my discharge slip. Did he know something that my other mental health workers didn't pick up on? I'm taking my discharge slips with me when I go and keeping all my paperwork (new patient packet) together and with me (in case there's a cancellation). But it's got me thinking and that cues snow ball thoughts that aren't necessarily good thoughts. Why didn't anyone else notice? Could that person have been right? Then that cues me thinking about my parents (which isn't a good topic). My mother recently told that there was always something wrong with me. But she never took me to get help, neglect much? Anyway dad always said it was some different mental illness (schizoid, schizophrenic, etc.) Sorry about this. Kindda got off topic but thats how my head is right now.
Now I'm trying to focus but it's hard. I'm hearing things again but they aren't bad other than the annoying and loud sounds. Blah...

-Tig

Over time I received different diagnoses, sometimes its from how you present at a certain time. I saw that your 2nd dr deferred diagnosis, he just wrote what he was seeing at the time of your hospitalization.

As to what happened in your younger years, sometimes its best to start with now and go forward. Hopefully your new pdoc will be able to work with you and you can get some answers and correct treatment. (((big)))

[tigersassy]

If I force myself to stay in the now I get a headache. If I let myself go and run among my delusional daydreams I lose myself. My car is stuck in the driveway again thanks to my car being small and 5 ish inches of snow. I can't make it in to work. could I lose my job? I don't truly think so. I love the snow it's so pretty. I think my higher power must have made it so for me. What other wonderful things have I been gifted? I feel I have the power the power to read others to know their inner most thoughts and feelings. I read them like a book laid down on the table in front of me. Deny your thoughts and feelings out loud but I see what is inside. I see the truth.
But I know that feeling however true it feels it's not. It's something my mind is making up for some reason unknown to me. I feel trapped by my feelings. How can I accept truth when I question it's truth? I make no sense I fear. I should go force myself back to sleep or find something to occupy myself until the sun rises and I can go shovel the snow. Thats the worst thing about early morning working. I can't actually do anything to get out of my driveway until the sun comes up because it's dark enough that it makes ner uncomfortable.

-Tig