[paintingravens]

i sincerely believe i may be bipolar ii. about a month ago i went through about 3 weeks of being really depressed, unmotivated, tired all the time and crying at random moments or being really emotional, feeling purposeless (this is not the first time this has happened), and i cut myself twice, for the first time in nearly 8 months. for the past month (approximately, maybe a little less), i've been the exact opposite: really restless and uber talkative (my best friend and mom say i'm often "all over the place" when i talk, but i don't mean to be), feeling driven to get a lot of things done, feeling really full of energy and active, sometimes spending impulsively, feeling much more optimistic, and overall in a better mood. but this past week, it's been less of a straight up positive experience and has gradually started to feel like an odd mixture of positivity, restlessness, talkativeness and irritability, self-criticism and self-frustration, and out of the blue this afternoon i've had sudden urges to hurt myself. nothing has really happened today to prompt it (though i did have an allergic reaction to shrimp last night and had to take a few benadryl, so i'm wondering if today's sluggishness has to do more with the antihistamines), but i've not too recently taken to hitting myself with my fist instead of cutting when i feel an urge (which aches enough to distract from emotions and doesn't leave a lasting mark or require cleaning up--sometimes it bruises, but not usually), and i've already done that today (hitting i mean, not cutting), but about a half hour ago, i was really tempted to go cut myself, and was worried i was actually going to for no good reason, which is why i hit myself instead (avoiding a lasting mark). i suppose there's no real way to know for sure if i'm bipolar without being diagnosed -- money is an issue though, and it's sad that caring for one's health, mental or otherwise, is so damn expensive. it's just i've been avoiding coming to this conclusion for a while now, but i keep coming back to it every time a few weeks of depression ends and things come back to normal and then i feel high and on top of things (or alternatively, totally scattered) because it's the only thing that seems to make sense. can anyone else with bipolar tell me if this sounds familiar to them? thanks for reading.

[jadedbutterfly]

I could have written this.
I was given the bpd diagnosis many years ago. But I and my T have noticed that I am more bpII than bpd. I do the hitting on my legs to avoid the cutting too.
what you are going through does sound so familiar.
You said that it's expensive to get care, am guessing you do not have insurance to help getting a T or pdoc? course sometimes no matter what the medication is, I do swing from depression to mania... So, not saying meds are the "fix"... but a T can help a great deal.
Sorry you are going through this....Wish you the best

[Victoria'smom]

I would attempt the community mental health center

[Martha Lee]

Everything you wrote, I can relate to. My dx is BPII . You talked about hurting yourself - I do that too but in a different way. My tendency is to avoid certain health care check-ups that I know are good to do for early detection. If you have a sickness brewing in your body it's sound advice to get regular check-ups. On this subject I'm very confused.