[Felgore]

I'm not sure if this has been covered here, but I was trying to do research and there really isn't much out there.

I've pretty much always known I didn't want children. Maybe my subconscious knew about my neurosis before I did, but I just felt like I wasn't the mothering type. Years later, feeling mental and worthless, I told my husband it wasn't an option. I just have that fear of losing it and being one of those terrible people who ignore their children or put them in the oven. Someone like that, I thought, shouldn't have children. Ever.

But the women in my family don't exactly have luck with fertility and I'm already 28. Lately, maybe it's my obsessive personality or the fact that I feel like my life is otherwise meaningless, I keep thinking about it. Especially since my nephew is almost a year and a half now. Watching him grow, hearing him talking and figuring things out..
I'd taken it off the table without even consulting my husband, so we talked about it at length a bit the other night and he might want children.

So my question to bipolar parents out there, especially to the mothers: How does being bipolar effect having and raising children?

The little research I find is so negative. I keep seeing things like the higher risks of Postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis, higher risks of neglect and infantcide, difficulty with attachment.. Nothing I see says anything positive. So it makes me wonder if I should try at all. I have more fears and worries than hope on my own, but seeing things like that makes it worse. Children are a huge responsibility, lots of work, and you can't exactly return to sender if you don't like how it's going..

What kinds of experiences do the parents out there have? What kinds of advice or suggestions can you give me? I want to make a good decision, not an impulsive one--which is not very easy to do sometimes.

[~Christina]

I was just diagnosed BP at 43,,, but actually my symptoms started at age 6 .. I thought everyone was like me , racing mind etc ..

My daughter is now 22 and I just raised her... I focused on her. There were some time when " mommy was tired" and once I let her at age 8 decided what car I was going to buy that I didnt need lol but I still was her mom and we had a h ell of great time. She was just diagnosed with BP I at age 19 ... Shes living her life and loving it .. She handles Bipolar .

Anything can be done and managed even having Bipolar .

[Victoria'smom]

I'll come back to this tomorrow

[BlackPup]

I've only just started but so far my sons come before my illness. Even when I got depressed I kept looking after him. We've got a long way to go but I'm loving it.
If your on meds that work you have a lower chance of postpartum depression. Still I ended up hypo manic when he was born and depressed when he was 6 months old.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm not the mothering type, not in the traditional sense anyway... By that I mean firstly I'm the polar opposite of domesticated and secondly taking care of someone else 24/7 did not and does not come to me naturally. Add the fact that I had my daughter at age 19 when I wasn't even expected to clean my own a.s.s. yet (parents babied me, because I'm the baby girl) and the task of motherhood was not only daunting but downright traumatizing in a sense...

Now for the good bits about me
I may not be naturally inclined to care for another 24/7, but I'm naturally a nurturer. I want what's best for her, I need to make sure she feels safe and loved. I comfort her when she needs a hug or an open ear, I guide her as much as is humanly possible and I make sure she knows that she matters, a lot. I may not be interested in cooking and cleaning, but I'm good at working so I've worked my butt off to make sure she has a good life. I've cultivated a relationship of open communication and trust between us. She is and knows she is number 1 in my life, everything I do, every choice I make gets run by her first.

Not literally no, lol. Its more thinking "how does this affect her", before making any decisions.
I would protect her with my life without blinking and for the most part I'm alive because of her.

She gives me a reason to be the best me I can be, and that includes being the best bipolar me possible. How does my bp affect her? For the most part it doesn't. I had to tell her my dx when she was only 6 though, she was scared and worried because I looked sad a lot and she had heard me crying. When I'm very low functioning, my family steps up and helps out. When I'm depro, she of her own volition understands that I need some alone time and will bless me with it. On the odd occasion when I was agitated and something venomous came out my mouth, I immediately sat her down and apologized, explaining that bp is no excuse and promised to do better. I even insist she call me out on any bad behaviour. So far I've only gotten "you're angry a lot sometimes and I don't like it".... which to me means I'm doing a pretty good job and because of her feedback I've learned to put myself in timeout until I calm the fk down so that she's not exposed to my aggro self.

Pregnancy was a blast, I wasn't dxd, but looking back it was a 9 month hypomania. I partied right through it ( relax! I was just dancing lol ) and literally went into labour after a 3 day party and zero sleep.

I didn't have any post partum issues, but 3 or 4 months in I did have an episode, which was brought on because I felt trapped by the non stop breast feeding, cleaning and the caring. Feeling trapped is a HUGE trigger for me.

I would say bp and motherhood can definitly mix. What makes the road smoother is a willing and strong support system. Her "father's" responsibility apparantly ended at conception, (which I'm cool with because he would've been a realllly terrible father) so I'm utterly grateful for my family's willingness to help care for her when I wasn't able to give the best of me and for inspiring me to be a better mom. They filled the gaps that I didn't know how to close at the time. The culture in our house has always been of the taking turns variety, and its not painfully obvious that these days, sometimes the turns are bp inspired. This way she doesn't have to grow up thinking she's lacking something, or even realize my slacking.

I always say I was blessed with the right child. I doubt another would be so intuitive and emotionally mature, I mean gosh! She didn't even need potty training!!! and this puts me off of having another child... buuuuut. I now know what I'm capable of and I also understand my shortcomings. So mayyyyybe one day if the stars align i.e: I'm married, financially secure enough to afford a part time nanny with MY money and bf wants a child of his own... then I would go for it.

For me the scariest part of motherhood was molding a whole new live humanbeing, being responsible for the person she would one day become. She just turned 10 on Sunday and according to everyone, including me I think I've done a pretty amazing job so far, and that she's on the right track

I talk A lOt don't I?
In my defense though, this subject has been not only emotionally charged, but a very complex one for me.

[BipolaRNurse]

I think if I'd known I was bipolar way back when I was first married and thinking about kids, I wouldn't have had them. Not only would I not have wanted to pass this thing on to them, but I wasn't a great mother and the only totally stable influence in their lives was my sister. The fact that they knew I loved them with everything I had, and that their father loved all of us, is the only reason we are all on good terms.....well, except for the older son, who's bipolar as hell and will deny it to the death.

I'm another female who's never been totally domesticated either---I'm only a passable cook, I never joined the PTA, and I hate housework with a pink and purple passion (unless I'm manic). Being a nurse as well as a mom, I was (and am) good at the nurturing and cheerleading thing, but I never took a huge interest in the kids' schools or their music or their culture. I didn't even really enjoy having other peoples' kids around until mine were teenagers, and then it was tolerable and sometimes even fun.

When I look back, I don't regret having children.....I love them more than I've ever loved anything, and I'm prouder of them than of anything I personally have ever accomplished. They are all beautiful, loving human beings, and they're producing some pretty awesome grandchildren. I only wish I'd been able to be consistent in raising them, because I see their hesitancy sometimes in dealing with their own little ones. And of course, I still worry that my illness will be passed on to the grands through the bad genes I gave their moms and dads, just as they were passed on to me from my own mother's side of the family.